20/11-Becoming Clingy

Munch woke up very early calling out to me so I went into him, he said that he was scared, I just soothed him and said that he was ok and he went back of to sleep, at 8.15 he came into our room saying that it was 9 o’clock. I got up been as I was awake, and had strong words with him about coming in before he is supposed to, and about not telling the truth about the time.

We had breakfast and then went to get dressed, whilst on the stairs Munch pushed me, something he does often, so was usual body language all wrong, not allowed, step. Afterwards I went to get ready with Munch 2 steps behind, I realised then how Munch is following me everywhere, and has been doing it for a while now, I cannot even go to the loo these day’s without a shadow.

We went and did a bit of shopping and Munch was well-behaved through out, he bought some sweets with his pocket-money and was very pleased that he had £2.11 left to add to next weeks pocket-money.

When we got home I got on with hing’s in the kitchen and Munch went into the living room with daddy, I was listening to him talking to daddy, he was telling daddy that mummy was weird, one of his favorite words at the moment, and he then said “you’re a jealous daddy”, so daddy said “am I, what am I jealous of”, “me” said Munch, “oh I am, am I” said daddy “yes, you want to be me” said Munch, that made me giggle, so funny what goes through their little minds.

Daddy and Munch then played at being spy’s for a while, Munch was playing really nicely, he had a little book he was writing his spy rules in and was in great spirits, then whilst playing he deliberately hit daddy across his face right on his glasses, usual speech, step. Once time was over he just went and lay on the sofa with his head on daddies lap.

After dinner Munch went on he computer, but again since daddy had gone to work, wherever I went, so did Munch. We then sat down and watched Polar Express, such a lovely film, and for the 1st time since our Intro’s Munch snuggled right up to me and we had a lovely couple of hours doing one of the things I had dreamed about doing whilst going through the adoption process, for me a priceless moment.

Afterwards, he went back on the computer for a short time, but the computer was playing up so he was making funny noises and creating. Then he wanted the toilet and would not go on his own he was crying and saying he was scared to go on his own, no tears I might add, I did not want him to think that if he made a fuss he got his own way so I refused to go with him, so he did eventually go on his own.

I was time for Merlin, he watch’s this every Saturday, he did at 1st lay on the sofa as usual, then came and sat on the arm of the chair I was sitting in, saying he was scared on his own!!

Bedtime routine was as usual, story, snuggle time and cream, followed by lights out.

19/11- Bullying

We had a very good start to the day. When we got to school and Munch lined up one of the other boys came up and stood next to Munch and said to his mum, that’s Munch, he’s the one I’ve been telling you about, I said to Munch what have you been up to, and he looked back at me with a very puzzled look on his face, this other boy said he’s been bullying me in the playground. I then spoke to the mum and asked her if  her boy had been having a problem, I think that she was a bit shocked that I spoke to her, and sort of warbled that her son had been coming home for a few day’s saying that Munch had been hitting him. I told her I would go and have a word with the teacher, and told Munch that I would speak to him about it when we got home.

I spoke to the teacher and told her what had been said, she was very surprised, she said that she would speak to both of them today. Munch often mention’s this boy, he is one of the few children that he does talk about, so I was very surprised, but if it was happening I wanted it nipped in the bud ASAP. Munch, I know can be very clingy with children, and I know some do not like this and in he past we have had friends children who have found this scary.

When I picked Munch up from school, I spoke again to his teacher, she said that she had spoken to the boy in question, he was adamant that nothing was happening, and that him and Munch were friends, so I have left it at that. On the way home, Munch said about me going to speak to him at home so I told him that I had spoken to his teacher and she had said every thing was ok so I had nothing to talk to him about, he said then tha he had done nothing, I have to say that I think we can tell when he is not being truthful and I felt like he was then, so I used this to illustrate how it is not nice to blamed for something you have not done and that is why when he blames people for something they have not done he has to sit on the step.

We went to the Children’s Centre for there stay and play session, he does not have very much contact with other children besides school and Beaver’s so I thought it would be good to go so that he had other children to play with, he kept saying that he didn’t want to go, but I knew once he got there he would enjoy it, so I said that we would go and stay for 10 minutes, if after that he didn’t want to stay we would go home, once there he was off playing with he other’s, they did a few things fo Children in Need, like face painting and guess how many spots were on the wall. He lasted till 5 minutes from the end then wanted to go home.

The rest of the evening went ok, apart from when I was speaking on the phone and he kept interrupting, we had snuggle time on his bed, I am really enjoying this time as we having lovely talks during them, tonight Munch was asking how long it was until the Christmas Party at the centre, I told him it was a little while yet, and that after the party we were going to have to got straight out as I had arranged for him to meet a certain man who would be visiting soon, his face was a picture although he was trying not to show it, he then said, I don’t want to visit santa Claus, that’s ok said I, I can cancel it, oh well said he, we had better go now then been as you have already booked it!!!!!! He had the biggest grin, a proper heart melting moment.

Early Awakening

Munch came into our room at 3am this morning saying that he could not sleep, I was saying to him, come on I’ll come back with you, but I only got to the come on and he shot up the bed and in between us quicker than Linford Christie in one of his races. Ok, next time I will choose my words more carefully!! Well for an hour he wriggled and wriggled, in the end I told him I was going to the toilet and went into the spare bedroom. He then went to sleep, he got up and went to the toilet just before the alarm was due to go off, he looked at me and said I’m not getting up yet and off back to my spot in the bed he went!!

When I dropped him at school I had a word with the head teacher who again said, no he did not start yesterday’s nose bleed, obviously not listening to anything that I had to say. Oh well.

Picked Munch up from school, on the way to the car he was deliberately trying to trip me up, asked to stop, he carried on so usual spiel, step when you get in, this just made him do it all the more!!!

At home he went straight on the step, then upstairs to get changed, then we went straight to his Express It! group. On the way I warned him that if I had to speak to him once about his behaviour we would leave, something must have got through because we has a good time at the group.

At home we did his reading, another book he has had before and that is far to easy for him, so strong words were written in the reading diary, next we did his book work, then his homework, and lastly his spellings. Munch was told to choose something to do whilst I was preparing dinner, Munch had lost the use of the computer tonight for not listening and stringing out what he was doing the night before on there at bathtime, so he chose to get his pool game out, as things where not happening as he wanted to Munch started hitting himself about the head, I said for him to stay calm, think about what he was doing then when he though that he could manage it to try again, he was very upset about that and talked very rudely to me so, spiel again, step. Munch was not happy with this and threw the chairs on the floor in the kitchen and deliberately punched me, once off the step he was rude again, so back to the step he went, this time quietly and sat and did his time well. Once off, he played with his pool game nicely until dinner time. As dinner was a bit later it was straight in the bath, his bedtime routine went well tonight.

SW’s Visit – 17/11

We had a good morning today, I had told Munch the previous evening that his SW was visiting today as it ment that he was unable to stay to film club after school. We had stopped telling him before his SW visited and we normally only tell him now when we pick him up from school when his SW is already here as the first couple of times he visited Munch was awake all night before with pains in his legs. Munch had slept all night so that was good.

We were not only having a visit from Munch’s SW but our SW was coming to as we have our 4th review next week, our SW was coming a bit before so that we could discuss anything we needed to before Munch’s SW arrived. In the mean time we received a phone call from Munch’s school to say that he had really bad nose bleed and what should they do!!!! I explained to them that his was one of Munch’s big trick’s when he is stress about anything, when he was 1st here we used to get up to his bedroom wall looking like a massacure had taken part in his bedroom, he would plaster his walls by his bed in blood, I was a bit annoyed, the fact that we had no leg pains last night, it was his way of showing his stress, person who I was talking to went and spoke to person dealing with Munch and came back and said, no he had not made I bleed himself, to which I said that he is very clever in how he does it,  I have seen him make it pour in front of me on more han one occasions when he has not been able to deal with a situation. They asked me what I wanted to do, he is at school with you what do you want me to do!!!!! Person said that they would speak to the head teacher and phone back, by now Munch’s SW had phoned early to say that he was at the station, so off when daddy to pick him up, our SW then turned up, so not much time to talk to her about anything before the other one turned up, and then the head teacher phoned to say that Munch was looking very pale  so it would be best if we picked him up, this I was not pleased with as giving Munch’s track record I have visions of a nose bleed every time something is happening he is not keen on at school. I told her that I was just waiting for the SW to turn up and we would be there when we could. We took the opportunity to have 10 minutes all together when daddy and SW got back then daddy went and fetched Munch.

Before fetching Munch we managed to talk about his SW applying for more funding for he play therapy and us having our papers ready so that everyone in agreement we can put our papers in to court he very next day, yipee!!!!

Munch and daddy turned up, Munch looked far from pale and put on a great show with his pool table, wanted to wash his nose asap, which they had not been willing to do a school. One very happy to be home child, able to listen to everything that was being said. The good thing that came out of it was that, Munch having been seen by his SW,  off when said SW nice and early, he had booked into a hotel for the night as he always does, so was having a nice early finish.

Sw’s gone, Munch wanted to play with his Lego with daddy, he was very obviously on a Knife edge though after the visit and some of our biggest meltdowns have been post SW visits, he was in one of his contrary moods, and it was obvious that it did not mater what anybody did it was going to be wrong, in the end I just said you are being very rude all the time, it is not allowed, step. He was not happy, banged on the door, made lots of noise for he 1st couple of minutes then just sat on the step. This seemed to regulate him though and he and daddy had a great time with the Lego up until dinner.

After his bath Munch was allowed to have his supper and drink in the living room whilst watching TV for a one-off. Upstairs straight after for story, but Munch, kept interupting and messing around so story book got put away, we then did snuggle time, but when time was up he would not move hen was very hyper and I had to leave the room with hug or kiss, just I good night, I waited for it and a few minutes later got he call fo a hug and a kiss, which I went up and we had. Quiet at last.

Switching on The Christmas Lights

The day started of well, the play therapist came and her thing, I could hear them in the living room and thing’s seemed a lot calmer than they had been the week before, when finished daddy took Munch to school and we had our usual catch up, this week we talked a lot about helping him to manage things.

I picked Munch up from school and we went straight to our local shopping centre where they were having the grand switching on of the christmas lights. This was something out of the norm for Munch and when we arrived he found it very difficult to cope with, he did his usual thing when he feels out of control, he wanted to go home, then he didn’t, we were going to eat he didn’t want to then he did, he moaned about the restaurants, so I took control and told him that if he was unable to cope we would go home we would not spend all evening with him being as awkward as he could, so I just said to the car now, and marched him back to the car, all the way protested that he didn’t want to go home, I did not respond, I just kep going until we got to the car, opened the door and told him to get in, once he was in, I spoke to him and said that his behaviour that he had been displaying was not allowed and he could decide now whether he wanted to carry on or if he could stop we would go and see the lights, if he decided to stay, if I had to speak to him once more we would go straight home no second chance, he chose to stay, and I think this help him to regulate himself as we had a couple of little moans, but nothing major.

We went to Frankie and Benny’s to eat Munch’s choice, read him the kids menu, don’t know why really as he chose the Spag bol, he always does. Once we had eaten we went to the market square where the events were happening, we had a look around the few stalls, Munch wanted a Santa Claus hat which he wore with pride all night, I said that he could choose something of the toy stall and he chose a mini pool table. We then went to watch what was happening on the stage, we watched some dancer’s, then Hagrid, Dumbldore and Harry Potter made an appearance, Munch was enjoying this until the sound went and he got bored so another walk around the stalls, he had a ride on one of the little ride’s, but I think after riding of the rides he went on a Chessington that Ithink he found them a bit tame. We bought some sweets to eat on the way back to the stage, there was a couple of singer’s, so we had a bit of a dance and sing along, hen Santa, Rudolf and Jack Frost came along and did a bit on stage, towards the end of their bit I think MUnch was getting a bit bored and asked if we could go, but as thee was only about 5 or 10 minutes until the switch on I said we should stay, we joined in the big count down and on came the few light bulbs, there was a lovely firework display which Munch enjoyed, then it was back with the crowds to the car, As we were walking back and we were looking at the lights Munch said “see mummy, I told you they were going o be rubbish” and he wasn’t far of the mark.

Once home Munch wanted to play a game of pool whilst having his supper which we did, the pool game was absolute market rubbish, but Munch really enjoyed it so that was the main thing. Game went on till after bedtime, so straight up, teeth and bed, we had a hug and kiss good-night, when kissing  Munch, I smothered his face all over and kept going, he was really giggling, when we said good nigh he said “that was great fun”. Later on when I looked in on him, Munch was fast asleep wearing his Claus hat, looking even cuter, if that’s possible, than ever.


So Begin’s The Week

This morning Munch was still asleep when I go up so I left him in bed for a while. The morning was very pleasant and we got to school all in good spirits.

After school we once home we did Munch’s reading, he was not in a cooperative mood, so I told him to read it as he wanted to and that I would just write in the book how he had read, he was mumbling his words, saying them very quietly, missing out whole lines and making out he was unable to read some words that I know he know’s, I just did not rise to it and told him again what I was going to write, half way through, he gave up and read well, no point not reading well when it is not getting you the attention he wants. I wrote what I said I was going to in his book, which will be a good deterrent in future as he does not like to look bad at school. Reading finished we did some subtraction’s which he did well and some spelling’s which I myself have decided to start doing with him as his spelling is appalling and I feel that he needs help, so I am going to start off with 5 words a week and see how we go.

Once all that was out-of-the-way we did Munch’s special time play, this is where we play what Munch wants to  do, and I do what he wants, he is totally in control, the theory is if we give him this time of control, he will feel less like he has to try to take control at other times. I had on the request of the play therapist I had bought Munch a tube of Lego today to add to his already very large collection of Lego, Munch had spotted this so wanted to play with it, I took my lead from him and built what he asked me to, whilst building himself, he kept getting very annoyed with himself when things were not going as he wanted them to, he started hitting himself and saying he was an idiot, I kept saying to him he was doing really well, that the good thing about Lego was that if it was not right you can change it and build it stronger, we had a few episode, but with lots of reassurance he got through them, they were all direct at himself. When we had finished he carried on playing with the Lego on his own.

Tea, bath, and bedtime routine went well, I sat on Munch’s bed and he cuddled in whilst having his story and he asked for 5 minutes snuggle time afterwards which I gladly did, we did our cream after that, lots of massaging in his cream, lovely hug and kisses, wow, lots of positive touch this evening, and one happy mummy.

Best laid Plan’s…..

Munch was very good this morning and stayed in bed watching his TV until I went in to him at 9am. We came down and watched a bit more TV whilst having breakfast.

By the time breakfast was finished daddy was awake so Munch went up to see him, in the mean time I had told Munch my plan’s to either go to Madame Tussaud’s or to  the Science Museum. Munch said that he wanted to do neither, he wanted to go swimming, I did not fancy it as last time we went it was freezing. Daddy said that he would take him and go into work later on, one happy mummy.

For a while daddy and Munch played a bit of rough and tumble in the living room, Munch is very toddler like sometimes in his play as this is yet another of the area’s that he missed out in his early years. Trouble is whilst it is good to regress with him, it can be hard to keep him in check and very easy for him to go over the top and find it hard to calm himself down again, he was asked several times to calm a little before he hurt himself or daddy, twice he went slap on the floor, the 2nd time he did hurt himself. He would not take any form of soothing or help, this is another of the area’s that need’s a lot of work on, he is unable to accept comfort at all and it is so hard to see when you desperately want to help make it better, and just scoop him up and give him a great big cuddle, maybe one day.

We all got ready and I went along to watch, Munch is coming along so well with his swimming now and for the first time managed to swim a bit with out his armbands, when I think of all the money we spent on swimming lesson’s for 20 weeks when he first came, they were such a waste off money, he has come on so much better with us taking him ourselves. I just love watching him in the pool, he is so confident in the water and given half a chance would spend all day in there if he could.

We went to the pool cafe and ate afterwards. There was  some sort of Karate competition being help at the sports centre and Munch kept saying that he wants to do it and could we find out about it for him. All the way home he kept asking, we had already said that we would, daddy and I were talking and all of a sudden, I had 2 big kicks in the back of the chair, I gave the body language is all wrong, that not allowed, step as soon as we get in, just for a very cocky little boy to say but I was trying to speak to you, that’s not the way to go about getting my attention!!

Home 7 minutes on the step done and Munch practiced his magic on daddy until it was time for us to take daddy to pick up his taxi. On the way back we stopped in the shops to pick up a few bits and pieces, Munch managed to speak in a rude voice again so ended up on the step as soon as we got in.

After that we settled down to a quiet couple of hours before bed, we watched The Nightmare before Christmas, then Munch found a Scooby Doo film, this took him up to bedtime, so he was let of his bath fo 1 night.

Munch was in desperate need of his toe nails to be cut, we have done them a few times since he has been here without a fuss, I have tried to do them a few times of late, and every time he has made a fuss and not let me, I can see that it is a control issue, and again tonight we had the same issue, it was definitely him trying to control what was happening, but his toe nails have now got so long that they really needed doing, he would not let me snacking his foot away every time I went to clip. This went on until I have to say that I lost it with him, it was such a silly thing to loss it over, but knowing that we had done it several times before with out an issue tipped me over the edge, I left them room after shouting at him, said that he would just have to have long toe nails, and when they started to hurt he could go to the doctors. Oh dear, how childish was I, and an issue to talk to the play therapist about Tuesday.

Once downstairs I have to say I shut the living room door and just sat feeling very bad, Munch kept calling but I ignored him until in the end he actually came and stood at the bottom of the stairs, he has never come down once in bed since he has been here. He was crying with real tears, only the second time I have seen him do that as well since he has been here and saying I want a hug and kiss, so I said come on let’s go back to bed, and for the 1st time ever I had a big proper hug, where he hugged me back as well, I kissed him on the head with out him, yelling get off, what a break though!!

I said what a silly pickle we have got ourselves into over a couple of toe nails, he let me cut them and we had another cuddle and kiss good-night. It was like afterwards he decided that he liked the hugs as he called down saying he felt poorly and needed a hug again, which I did, in the end he has ended up in mummy and daddy’s bed, but we will be putting him back in his own bed when we go up.

The Weekend is here.

This morning started well – NOT. On none school mornings Munch has to stay in his room until 9am, he gets to stay up an hour later the night before so an extra hour in bed is not an unreasonable request. Daddy works until 3 or 4 in the morning, can sometimes be earlier, sometimes later. Because of this we ask Munch to stay in his room until I get him up on school day’s, on Saturday’s can knock at 9am and Sunday’s is allowed to come into bed with us at 9am for 1/2 hour. Over the last few weeks Munch has taken to going into our room in the mornings and jumping very roughly on daddy to wake him up, because of this he has been told that until further notice even on the weekends he is to wait until I come at 9am in his room.

This morning the 1st knock was at 7.30am, sent back, another 3 times, finally at 8.55am I sent him to the step. Now when he has to wait in his room until it’s time to get up, he is allowed to play or put his TV on, it’s not like we are asking him to stay in bed. The other thing that he does is alter the time on his clock so that it say’s 9am, he has been told no to do it but still does and is still amazed when I tell him I know what he has done, he still can’t work that one out!!

Breakfast done, a bit of a lazy start to Saturday morning with Munch watching TV. I went upstairs to get ready, by now daddy was awake so Munch was allowed to go in with daddy and watch TV, they had a tube of cheesy biscuits they were sharing, Munch still finds it really hard to share because of some past experiences, and we are working slowly but surely to improve this, he was doing well at first, but after a while decided that he was going to start licking biscuits and putting them back in the tube and mixing them in, a ploy to stop daddy having anymore, so he was told that this was not acceptable and that now nobody could eat any and biscuits were put in the bin. This started Munch shouting so he was told that he was speaking in a rude voice and it is not allowed, step, as it was the 1st time since we started this new way of dealing with his behaviour that daddy had sent him to the step, we had lots of banging and screeching at the door, but we ignored it. Up stairs afterwards to get dressed then we were ready to go out.

We went to the local shopping centre, Munch’s £3 pocket-money was burning a hole in his pocket so he brought a club penguin book, we went for something to eat, then just for a look around the shops. In one of the shop’s Munch ran up behind me and pushed me really hard, que your body language is wrong, straight home and on the step, felt a bit like rewarding him though as I think he was ready to go home anyway. Once home he sat straight on the step.

This afternoon has been very nice, first Munch played on the computer, then sat and did some drawing and writing, we had one incident, where I said that I was going to give him a kiss and he said if I did he would spit in my face, as soon as he said it though, his hand flew up to his face with a big oh. He was walking to the step before I even began my speech! I should point out here that Munch find’s it very hard to be touched or hugged or receive kisses from us. Even now 10 months down the line he will scream if we touch him, it is getting better, but we have worked long and hard to improve it, he will often hit out or as above make threats if he thinks we are going to touch him in any way, it is heart breaking, because all we want to do is give him big hugs and cuddles, but small steps have to be taken and slowly. We are for ever saying to him, that if he does not like something all he has to do is say and not lash out.

The rest of the evening has passed nicely, we have watched strictly Come Dancing whilst eating Pepperoni Pizza, then Merlin before bed.

Not to bad a day today, let’s hope we have the same tomorrow.

The Morning After.

This morning started well but seemed to disintegrate whilst Munch was getting dressed, at the moment we are indulging him and helping him get himself dresses even though he is very capable of doing it himself, this is so that we can help him to get back some of the things that he missed out on when he was younger, this morning he decided that he was going to throw his socks at me in an aggressive way, so I said that I would not help him put them on, he then started to do a high-pitched scream in a very babyish way, I asked him to stop and he spoke to me in a very aggressive way, so new that was a very rude  you used, that is not allowed, step. After step back up to get dressed, Munch was still acting much younger and doing a lot of squealing, downstairs he was rude again so back on step, this ment we were going to be late for school, he does not like being late, and I have to say we have only ever been late once before after he had one of his big meltdown’s, all through his time on the step he kept saying about being late but I stuck to it, afterwards I said that he had chosen to speak to me with a rude voice, he know’s that it is not allowed and what the consequence is, that it was down to him to tell his teacher why he was late, and maybe in future he will remember that. As it was we were not that late inly a few minutes so he will have been in class by register.

This evening he has been a star, he played nicely in his room until dinner, then had his computer afterwards, bathed and is now watching TV until supper at 8.30 as it’s Friday. I have every confidence that supper and bedtime is going to go just as smoothly as it has until now. Right I might as well join him watching Phineas and Ferb.

Night Out

This morning ran smoothly, again Munch had no TV as a consequence for not brushing his teeth properly the night before. We were up and running and into school.

On picking Munch up I told him that about mine and daddy’s night out, I explained that it was the babysitter he had met a couple of times before, I went through when she was coming and what would be happening in terms of his routine so that he had clear instruction’s, we had not told him untill now as we knew that if we gave him to much notice he would worry about it, and has sleepless nights where he genuinely has pains in his body, the same thing happens if we tell him before his SW is visiting, he will wake up with pains in his legs. When talking to the play therapist she said it is because his SW has been the one who has been with him through out the journey of being removed from his BF to FC’s, then from them to us his forever family, and the pains in his legs are because he associates his SW walking him through his journey, makes sence to me.

I digressed, he was happy with me giving him the set routine he was going to have, but did ask me if the babysitter was his new FC now, how sad.

We got home, got changed and headed off, after 7 minutes of time-out for not listening to mummy, to his Express It! group, when we got there it had been cancelled, which did me  a favour really as we were off out later, but I have to say, was it not for the fact that Children’s  Centre that we attend for it is directly opposite our house, I would have been very annoyed.

At home Munch was allowed to go on the computer whilst I was able to tidy up a bit more and get myself ready. Sod’s law, babysitter was coming at 6pm, at 10 minutes to hubby phoned to say he was stuck in traffic!! He eventually arrived at 6.35, quick change and wait for it, our big night out, and we were off to our local Adoption Uk support group.

It was a good night as there was no speaker, we all just sat  in a group and just talked, it was good to share our experiences, a good mixture of adopters who were newly placed and some who were a long way in with their children, there was also a couple who were going through the approval process, and as we all said to them at the end we hope we hadn’t put them off!!!

Afterwards we went to the pub and met up with a couple of friends as we thought whilst we had the babysitter we might as well make the most it. On returning home she said that Munch had been very well-behaved.

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