Another busy Tuesday

Well after Munch went to bed so early and slept at midnight, he came in as happy as Larry saying that he was scared, I took him back to bed he got in and slept till 8am this morning. I had an interesting conversation about this with the Play Therapist this morning, she was saying how emotions are learnt and how he has not learn how to react appropriately to his emotions, i.e being happy when scared, inappropriate laughing just to name a couple.

Anyway up got Munch and our morning went without incident until the Play Therapist arrived, I could hear him being extremely aggressive with her, he was swearing, just being how he has with us over the last couple of weeks. As she said afterwards you cannot just wipe out 5 years of extreme trauma and abuse, and it is going to surface every now and again, that she would be more worried if it did not.

We talked about going back to the basic’s again, re doing all that we did in those 1st 10 week sessions, thing’s like snuggle time that have naturally petered out, back to using sucking as a calming technique, being very firm with our boundaries which is what Munch needs. The trouble is, and we have talked about this before is that when thing’s improve you tend to let down your guard, and you cannot give Munch an inch.

We also talked about his very low self-esteem, about how over the last couple of weeks he has been saying that he is an idiot and hitting himself, I told her how at one point I had just said to Munch that I wasn’t going there today, and that had calmed him a little, she said it was a good way to deal with it as to keep saying, no you’re not ect will just fuel him, and also to use our calming techniques.

Whilst the having his Play Therapy the post arrived along with all our court paper work as the fee has now gone up and the paper work we had received still had the old fee on it!!!! So back to the post office again, with paper work and a cheque for the correct fee this time.

Ok, so Munch has been in 10 minutes, he has already sworn, so had swearing is not allowed – step, for which I got a slap so he is now upstairs in his room where he has been sent for the next 15 minutes. When time was up Munch stayed upstairs playing.

We had tea then off for his 1st gymnastic’s session at school, when we got back from that Munch wanted to play his Xbox game he had been playing earlier, so off upstairs he went until Beavers. Tonight when we got to Beavers he really did not want to go in, he was pushing me and say he didn’t want to go, even when we got in there he was saying please can we go home, which is very unlike him, he always say’s he doesn’t want to go on Beaver’s night as he does with anything because he lack confidence, but normal there is no fuss and as soon as we get to the gate he is off playing with the others. He was fine when I picked him up and had enjoyed himself.

Back indoor’s the bedtime routine went well, I tried to put some fun into it and we had a laugh, then for a reason only known to Munch he put his woggle down the toilet, was extremely babyish around getting undressed and then threw a little hard ball at me which hit me on the neck and hurt, so he lost 1/2 hour off his bedtime tomorrow. A hug and kiss and he is now quiet upstairs.

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Iffy Start, Positive Finish.

Well as we had gotten to a better place, I was only going to blog every now and again, but things seem to have taken a backwards step at the moment, I am not surprised. We had such a good period over Christmas, it had to come out at some point, and then we have also had our 1st anniversary as a family, recommenced play therapy, had a big SW visit with our review and put in our papers to court, so a lot of things have happened in the last 2 weeks.

This morning did not start well, after Munch was awake until almost 10pm last night, he came in to us at 5.30 this morning, I sent him back to bed, but he put his light on and I could hear him moving around, he kept calling out to ask if it was time to get up, we had that for 2 hours until we got up, then when it was time to get up Munch was to busy playing on his DS to come down for his breakfast, needless to say DS is now banned from the bedroom overnight.

When he did eventually come down Munch was full of attitude and  thought that he was being very clever answering back, he thought it was less funny when he was doing his 4th lot of time-out on the step!!!

Because of his behaviour we were late for school, the Headteacher and Deputy who happens to be the SENCO were at the door, so I had a quick word with them to say that over the last couple of weeks Munch had regressed a bit with his behaviour, I always keep them up to speed with what is happening a home and why, I in tun have asked them to tell us of anything in school. They then informed me that they have had a few issues with Munch in school over the last couple of weeks as well, why have we not been told, I came away really annoyed and even more annoyed with myself for not asking why we had not been told, anyway I will be having a word with Munch’s class teacher in the morning, so will have to not get there to early so Munch is further down the que and cannot hear what I am saying.

This evening went better, but only I think because Munch had lost an hour and a half off his bedtime time so he did no have so long to wind me up, and also I jumped on any of his stroppy or controlling behaviour before it had chance to develop.

We did his reading, he reads well but can mess around, I told him if he messed around he would have no TV after bath, that cured him!!! After reading, I asked him to do something, to be told don’t speak to me like that, to which I told him, I am the adult here and you are the child, and you are not allowed to speak to me like that – step. Whilst on the step, he very half heartedly kicked out at the dog, that got him sent up to his room.

When he came down, his whole mood had lightened and I tried hard to match it, we had a very pleasant tea together, when Munch got out of the bath we had a lovely time drying him, he still likes very much to be babied after his bath due to missing out on these experiences when he was a baby, the play therapist has said that it is very good to take him back and let him experience the things he missed out on, so that’s what we do.

He had his 1/2 TV then supper again this was great as he sat on my knee and we hugged and I sang him silly made up songs which made him laugh and this had a positive impact on our bedtime routine, he was being a bit silly through story so I stopped before things went back into a negative and so we could end the day on a positive note.

The High’s and Then Very Low Finish to the Weekend.

We had a lovely Saturday, we got up early and me and Munch had a lift off daddy up to Madame Tussaud’s, it was not somewhere I would have taken Munch but as we have Merlin Annual Passes had nothing to lose and he did enjoy it even though he didn’t know who the wax models were. He enjoyed the taxi ride and 4D film at the end. I always find rides are good for our attachment as well as Munch always wants you to hold him really tightly, I think this is because he has an valide reason for you to cuddle him.

Afterwards we went to the Science Museum and again he liked it here, we only saw a very small part of it as he was very interested in the Launch Pad area were it has lots of interactive things for children to do and also the area to do with Space, so I can see lots of visits to the Science Museum happening.

He was well-behaved all day and the few little bits of attitude we had were easily dealt with by saying that we would have to go home if they continued and he did not want to go home.

Sunday started off well, Munch used the computer for a short while, then watched a film, St Trinian’s of all film’s, but he was engrossed in it so I left him to it, then we went swimming.

His swimming is coming on a treat, he is very confident now and does not need his armbands at all, he is swimming a little on his own and I am sure with a few more visits before we go away he is going to just love the pool.

On the way home Munch’s attitude was that of a stroppy teenager again, so he was told that as soon as we got in he was to go on his step, he then though it was going to be a good idea and mimic me in a silly voice about the step, he didn’t think it was such a good idea when he was told that instead of 7 minutes on the step he had earned himself 30 minutes upstairs.

After his 30 minutes upstairs he watch Aliens vs. Monsters, we had dinner, then played Junior Monopoly, before his usual TV before bed. Daddy came home from work and Munch asked if rather than TV we could play a game of Monopoly again which we agreed to.

After supper was had and up to get ready for bed Munch went, all going very pleasantly. Munch went into he bathroom and hid behind the bathroom door, something he used to do all the time, but has not done for a long time. I went in put his toothpaste on his brush and called him, he came from behind the door and I was standing with my back to it and pushed me really hard making me stumble forward a little as I was not expecting it, now normally it would have been you cannot push people like that, it is not allowed – step, but as it was bedtime and I felt that he had been playing for time at supper, sending him to sit on the step would have been playing right into his hands, so I said that it was wrong and that tomorrow night he would come to bed at 7.30 instead of 8pm, He just flipped he started hitting and kicking and swearing, saying it had been an accident, I was in his way, I explained to him that all he had to do was say excuse me please and I would have moved, which made him rage more, I said that hitting and being aggressive was not allowed so knocked another 1/2 off his bedtime, he started hitting and saying unless I let him go to bed at 8.30pm he was no going to stop, by then I had got him in his bedroom, he was pulling my hair, hitting and kicking, kept repeating that if I didn’t let him stay up until 8.30 he was going to carry on, every time I tried to leave the room he had hold of my clothing or my hair and was screaming for me not to go, then he was biting. I just kept saying no he was going to bed at 7pm tomorrow as he could no expect go behave like this and stay up late, he had to take the consequences of his action’s. I picked him up and put him into his bed as he was refusing to get in, he had hold of my hair in both hands pulling so hard, where do they get teir strenght from when they are having these meltdowns!!!! Now this where I am not very proud of myself, but he was pulling so hard and I could not get him to let go, that I pulled his hair back, and the shock of it made him let go immediately, he said you are not allowed to hurt me, I just said but you were really hurting me and now you know what it feels like, I just said our usual goodnight blardy blar, and left the room, feeling horrible with what I had done.

I left it for 15 minutes and went upstairs on the pretence of going to the loo as Munch had been very quiet, and that has not been him just lately when in bed. As I was going upstairs, he asked is that you mummy in the sweetessed of voices as if nothing had happened, I went in he was playing his DS in bed, I apologies for pulling his hair, he asked if he could stay up till his normal time tomorrow, I stuck to my gun’s and said no, told him that he should not be playing his DS in bed and he was to finnish what he was doing and put it down, there was no calling out or anything afterwards, he jus finished and went off to sleep.

I hold my hands up and say I was completely at a loss as how to handle the situation, thank goodness for our Play Therapist, it shall be top of my agenda on Tuesday to get some help and guidance on how to deal with things when step is playing right into his hands.

So the weekend started on a high and ended up on a an extreme low 😦

Another Milestone – Adoption Order Papers sent to Court.

Well what a week it has been in the Munch household.

It started on Monday getting the good news that Play therapy was recommencing the very next day, woo hoo.

Munch has been in a bit of a strange place all week, we had a review today and we don’t normally tell Munch hat his SW is here until we pick him up from school on the day his SW is visiting as it worries him and he will be awake all the night before with pain’s in his legs. As he was off school today we had to tell him earlier so that he knew what was happening, so all week we have had him trying to control,  he has also been in a very contrary mood.

Play Therapy went well and it was good to start again, the Play Therapist said that she noticed a difference in how polite Munch was being, whilst she was here our SW arrived. I had forgotten that we had arranged this visit before Christmas

One the Play Therapist had left myself and our SW got to work on the Disability Living Allowance forms for Munch, it’s when we were filling in these forms, which are long and tedious that it makes you realise how different Munch is from other children, I think that we have got so used to living with his anxieties and behaviours that it has become the norm for us, writing it all down on paper made me realise just how traumatized our poor little boy is.

After school we Munch had his yearly Looked After Child medical at the Doctor’s, and then we had the dentist after that it was home and getting ready for Beaver’s, so in all it was a very busy day on Tuesday.

Wednesday Munch was in fine form, he tried to be controlling, he tried to be very contrary and by bedtime, I was worn out with it all, step was used, he hit daddy in the face knocking his glasses flying, kicked the dog, hit out at me, so he was sent to his room for 1/2 hour. Later in bed, he was an absolute nightmare trying to get him to go to sleep, he just kept calling, wanting hugs, but not really hugging he was back to making a show of hugging but not waning to be close, arm across his body, face turned as far away as he could, yet would not let go and having to be prized off. Then he was hitting himself and saying I’m an idiot, you think I’m an idiot, I’m a f–king idiot, you done even like me, you say you love me but you don’t really you just lie, and he kept saying them over and over again and hitting himself, he just has such low self-esteem, I eventually got him to calm down and sleep, about an hour later I could hear him crying and when I went up he was standing on the landing saying what is it, get it away from me and waving his arms around like mad, I just said its ok come on back to bed and he went without a fuse.

Thursday was a better day, but if I am honest, I coped out a bit and because I knew he was going to be extremely anxious and not in a good place because of the impending SW visit he next day, I just let him use the computer all evening, bad mummy, until TV time before bed.

And then today, another milestone for us, 1 year since Munch actually moved in with us and we posted our Adoption Order papers off to the court today!!!!!!

Our review went very well, we had a new reviewing Officer who was fab, he wants it in writing that he feels that once our present 10 sessions of Play Therapy are over, that they should look in to whether the Play Therapist would visit us once every 8 weeks for at least the next year, just to give us on going support, he also wanted it down that everyone feels that direct contact with one of Munch’s paternal grandmothers is not in Munch’s best interest, and in fact is the complete opposite, we have always from the very 1st visit that we had with Munch’s SW and Family finder said that we were open to direct contact as long as it was in his best interest.

Munch never has mentioned this Grandmother, it was a court directive and the reviewing officer said that he feels it needs to be documented so that if the Grandmother decided at a later date to try to get contact through the courts that it would help us if we have documentation to say that it is not in his best interest.

Daddy had taken Munch out whilst the review was on, I then went and met them, together we all went to the Post Office to get our papers sent Special Delivery and afterwards went and had something to eat, home and daddy has gone for a few drinks and I am off to bed.

Good Weekend

Saturday started off great, Munch got up and put his Ben 10 game on the Wii, he has always only got so far with this and never been able to get past one bit which he did, so he was very pleased with himself and played on it for a while, he is not one for playing on the Wii much so I did not mind him staying on, if he was wanting to play it day in day out I would limit the time like we do with the computer, but do not feel we need to a present.

In the afternoon Reece had been invited to my friends daughters Birthday party, so off we set, got a bit loss so got there after the entertainer had started, Munch asked me to go with him down to where the children were sitting as he said he was shy, and at that he was gone, and I had a couple of hours to catch up with a few friends I had not seen for I while whilst he was enjoying the party. It was also nice for Munch as he met a few of the children before and he was pleased as they remembered coming to his party back in October.

Talking of birthday’s has reminded me of a conversation I had with Munch a few day’s ago, we were talking about birthday’s and he was saying about the different thing’s he did on his birthday’s, we had his 1st birthday with us in October, he kept saying no he had it with his FC’s, on a few occasion’s when talking about thing’s he has said that they have been in different places to what they were, and because he is such a great wind up merchant, everything normal said and done for wha effect it is going to have on us, I have alway’s though he was doing this on perpouse, but I realised that he actually though that he had his Birthday with his FC’s, when I mentioned the Bouncy Castle that he’d had in the back garden, I could see it suddenly dawned on him that, yes, his 7th Birthday was here, my son had lived in 22 different places, with different Birth Family member’s, that we know about before he was placed with his FC’s, he was one of the lucky ones who only had one FC placement before coming to his Forever Family, know wonder he is so confused about what happened when, where and who with!!!!

On the way home we went to a shopping centre where he spent some of his pocket-money, we had something to eat to save cooking when we got in, and I booked to have our family picture’s done, they look really good as very informal and we can take our dog as well.

Sunday we has a lovely lazy day, again Ben 10, I am sure the novelty will have worn off by tomorrow else we will have to start limiting time.

We went out for Sunday Lunch to a lovely restaurant, it had a great play area for kids outside, so we have decided that this is where we are going to book for our meal after our Celebration Hearing in  court, get me, we still have to put our papers in yet.

Munch is very excited about us sending off the papers on Friday, he was talking about it this morning with a great big grin on his face, when we got to school he wanted me to tell his teacher that he was going to have to have a day off to go to court for our family day, bless him. I said I think we will wait until we have a date!!!

Our other good news this morning is Play Therapy re-starts tomorrow, HURRAH.

A Few Up and Down Days.

Well since our 1st Year Anniversary, or as Munch kept calling it, our Family Day, on Tuesday things have been a little up and down here. Munch has tried to be very controlling and a lot of the contrary behaviour he display’s sometimes has been back with vengeance the last few day’s. We are sure it is all to do with the time of year it is, and if we are honest it is not nearly as bad as it has been in the past, it’s just I think you get lulled into the sense of easiness and then something show’s up.

We are supposed to be recommencing Munch’s Play Therapy some time soon, but both myself and Munch’s SW have been phoning her and just constantly get her answer machine we have left messages but she has not returned them. When Munch’s SW emailed her she said she would be either starting today or on Tuesday, so who know’s, I think she is proberly still waiting to be paid by the LA!!! Still I am a little annoyed that she has not even bothered to answer the messages I have left especially as on her last visit she said you can always phone me.

We have our review next week, we are hoping it will be our last. Hopefully our Adoption Order will go through with out a hitch and we can then start all over again soon after for number 2. I have all ready been in touch with our 1st SW, buttering her up 😉

A Year Ago Today…..

Well a year ago today we met our wonderful gorgeous Munch for the very 1st time.

2 years and a couple of weeks from filling in a form online requesting information from our Agency Childlink on a night-shift at work our dreams were finally coming true.

Oh what a day that was, and what a rollercoaster of a year we have had.

There have been incredible high’s, and extremely bad low points, but the one thing for sure it is the best thing we have ever done, and we would not change our son for the world.

Looking back on the year, the 1st few months were the most surreal time ever. We played at being a family for a long time, Munch spent the 1st 12 weeks, doing and saying what he thought we wanted him to do, he tried to be very controlling, and it was like living with a stranger. He did thing’s that drove me potty, and even little things annoyed me that ordinarily would not.

I don’t think however much you prepare yourself, the reality of living with a child who has lived with severe trauma in their lives, especially when they do not see it as that as that has been the norm for them for so long is bloody hard work. Also, as much as you read and re-read their CPR’s, listen to everything all the professionals tell you, what their FC’s who know them best at the time they are moving on to you tell you, and you read forum’s on adoption by people who have been and are parenting traumatized children, there is always that small part of you that thinks it’s not going to be like that for you and your family.

12 weeks in we met with the FC’s, we were not able to do it sooner because of personal reason’s on the FC’s part, it was like a light when on in Munch’s head that this was it he was not going back, and things changed for the worst, we had terrible meltdowns that got longer and longer and more frequent, till they were lasting for hours and on a daily basis. I have been hit and kicked, had cloths ripped, been spat at, the language was very blue.

Afterwards he would be so ashamed of himself and would claw at his face, hit himself and call himself all sorts of names, it was horrible to see, and all this time we could not touch him, he would scream if we did, so we had non of the hugs and kisses that you dream of giving your children.

Munch and hubby clashed dreadfully and I felt like I could not leave them alone together, 3 times hubby walked out and said he was not coming back.

In July when Munch’s LA were expecting us to put in for our Adoption Order at our 3 review, we refused to do it, what we said was that we were 110% behind Munch, so were there fore sore it as our duty to him to fight to get him the help he needed.

In September, we started Play Therapy with a lady who worked for our local LA and has she been a godsend to us, she has changed our lives around, yes we have still had our problem’s, and when I child has had such a difficult start in life as our son had, we know we can never ever take away his past and that we can expect to have times which will be hard we are so thankful for what she has done for our family.

So into our 2nd year as a family we go and we could not be happier, I now love listening to Munch and daddy together, it has been a long hard slog, but I am so looking forward to our future together.

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