And 2 weeks later…..

I started writing this blog 2 weeks ago and never got round to finishing it so just going to add to it!!!

Well Official Application Form has been filled in and sent to the LA and our SW has made a date for our 1st HS which will be in just over 2 weeks time, so all moving along nicely on our 2nd adoption.

After my last post re Munch’s arm, doctor said it would just be bruised and painful, went for our hospital appointment the following week and were seen by the consultant only to be told that his arm was re-broken. We are very upset with the hospital, for 2 weeks he was in pain and unable to move his arm, we have wrote a letter of complaint to the hospital for what good it will do!!!

Things seem to have settled a little at school, on returning after half term Munch came home with a general letter for the whole of year 3 from the head of year, saying that by now they should have settled into Junior’s but there was a handful of children who hadn’t. These children would be getting a report card and one a week would be reporting to her!!!! Well to say that we were furious was an understatement, Munch’s teacher had said the, should have settled by now bit to use just before half term, so we were sure he would be getting one. I went in armed with all my attachment stuff and gave it to his teacher and asked her to read it, then asked her to point me in the direction of the head of year teacher, and just told her straight that Munch was not having one, what did she expect to achieve by giving a child who suffer’s from very low self esteem something that was going to draw attention to all his bad behaviour’s and then for him to have to go to her full of shame, and insisted that he was not having one. Turns out though that it was a very badly worded letter, it was nothing like a report card but more about encouraging good behaviours, Munch has been given a laminated card with 3 areas to work on, and every time he achieve’s one of these goals he receives a sticker, at the end of the week he takes it to the head of year for her to praise how well he has done and he receives a little prize. He likes working towards things like this so  know it will work well, also got called aside by the teacher at the end of last week but to say how well he had done and worked hard towards his goals, so fingers crossed we are making head way at school.

Now 2 weeks on, the goals are working really well, no being called aside, 2 teacher has made a point of praising how he is getting on to me, so things are looking up at school.

We have had my dad staying for a couple of day’s, he has never been anything but good to Munch, but for some reason Munch over the last couple of times of seeing him has gotten progressively worse with the way that he acts towards him. I have to say over the couple of day’s that he was here I was extremely ashamed of the way that Munch behaved towards him, he was down right rude, arrogant, plain nasty, he got into the blaming and saying that Grampy had punched and kicked him.

To start off with we tried the ignoring it as we had on previous visits pulled him up about it and we know with the way that Munch’s mind works to him this is getting a reaction, way hay, lets do it all some more. It didn’t work he just got ruder and nastier, until in the end I completely lost it and was very very un-therapeutic and shouted at him until I was hoarse, I told him how dare he treat my father like that, I actually told him that I was ashamed of the way that he had behaved, I was telling Grampy not to bother getting a Christmas present for him as he did not deserve it, well I actually saw remorse, had one very upset boy, who just kept repeating over and over again that he was going to try much harder, and harder he has tried, he was pleasant to Grampy in the morning before he left, he has been pleasant to us for the last few days!!!!! Beginning to think that this therapeutic parenting is not all its cracked up to be and maybe good old fashioned shouting is what it takes!

Well a week today we have our 1st HS, referee’s received there letters today and we got our Medical questionnaire’s yesterday so moving forward in our quest for no. 2.

 

1st Half Term in Juniors.

Can you believe we are at the half term mark already!!

Well not such a successful 1st half term in the Junior’s for Munch. There has not been a week when I have not been called aside by his teacher because of his behaviour at break times. Time and time I have tried to explain why he is unable to manage the unstructured time but it seems to be falling on deaf ears. I have tried putting the ball in the court and asking what they are going to do to help him manage this time, and it also feels like he is beginning to become a bit of a scape-goat – all ready labelled so lets blame him.

Anyway after yet another incident on the last day of the half term, I have said that I want a meeting. I have been busy downloading and print stuff of the Internet about attachment and have been tying to strengthen my knowledge and understanding of how Munch’s past life experiences have affected him. I have made 2 copies of everything I have printed off and intend to take in the extra copy to the school and ask the teacher to read it. I have also order Inside I’m Hurting:  Practical  Strategies for Supporting Children with Attachment Difficulties in Schools by Louise Bomber which has been dispatched today, so hoping it will come tomorrow so it will give me a while to read it and take what I need out of it before I meet h his teacher.

Work wise he is doing really well though and Munch himself is really enjoying as he puts it the harder work that they do in the Junior’s. He also gets on well with his homework which I though we might have a problem with but a the moment he is enjoying doing it.

On Friday we also received a letter from the family therapist at CAMHS, Munch’s case had been reviewed and it was decided that he needed to have Child Psychotherapy, they have a long waiting list though so were unable to accept him onto it!!!! We have an appointment to meet with the family therapist next month to discuss what we want to do, she did not fill me with confidence that last time, so some more work to do there I intend to write every thing down before I go so that I do not get all tongue tied and let them fob me off.

Munch is doing a weeks Karate School this week, he is still doing very well with his Karate, even after the set back of breaking his arm over the summer. And on the subject of that, last week at school he fell and has really hurt it again, we went to A & E and it was x-rayed, the registrar came and looked at the x-ray and said it was fine, just to come back for an outpatients appointment in 2 weeks, a week on though he is still unable to move it properly and is still in pain, so we have a doctor’s appointment for the morning.

Last thing, tomorrow is the day of the team meeting where they will discuss whether we will be accepted onto the books so to speak of the LA on the road to no. 2, fingers crossed +++++++

The High’s and Then Very Low Finish to the Weekend.

We had a lovely Saturday, we got up early and me and Munch had a lift off daddy up to Madame Tussaud’s, it was not somewhere I would have taken Munch but as we have Merlin Annual Passes had nothing to lose and he did enjoy it even though he didn’t know who the wax models were. He enjoyed the taxi ride and 4D film at the end. I always find rides are good for our attachment as well as Munch always wants you to hold him really tightly, I think this is because he has an valide reason for you to cuddle him.

Afterwards we went to the Science Museum and again he liked it here, we only saw a very small part of it as he was very interested in the Launch Pad area were it has lots of interactive things for children to do and also the area to do with Space, so I can see lots of visits to the Science Museum happening.

He was well-behaved all day and the few little bits of attitude we had were easily dealt with by saying that we would have to go home if they continued and he did not want to go home.

Sunday started off well, Munch used the computer for a short while, then watched a film, St Trinian’s of all film’s, but he was engrossed in it so I left him to it, then we went swimming.

His swimming is coming on a treat, he is very confident now and does not need his armbands at all, he is swimming a little on his own and I am sure with a few more visits before we go away he is going to just love the pool.

On the way home Munch’s attitude was that of a stroppy teenager again, so he was told that as soon as we got in he was to go on his step, he then though it was going to be a good idea and mimic me in a silly voice about the step, he didn’t think it was such a good idea when he was told that instead of 7 minutes on the step he had earned himself 30 minutes upstairs.

After his 30 minutes upstairs he watch Aliens vs. Monsters, we had dinner, then played Junior Monopoly, before his usual TV before bed. Daddy came home from work and Munch asked if rather than TV we could play a game of Monopoly again which we agreed to.

After supper was had and up to get ready for bed Munch went, all going very pleasantly. Munch went into he bathroom and hid behind the bathroom door, something he used to do all the time, but has not done for a long time. I went in put his toothpaste on his brush and called him, he came from behind the door and I was standing with my back to it and pushed me really hard making me stumble forward a little as I was not expecting it, now normally it would have been you cannot push people like that, it is not allowed – step, but as it was bedtime and I felt that he had been playing for time at supper, sending him to sit on the step would have been playing right into his hands, so I said that it was wrong and that tomorrow night he would come to bed at 7.30 instead of 8pm, He just flipped he started hitting and kicking and swearing, saying it had been an accident, I was in his way, I explained to him that all he had to do was say excuse me please and I would have moved, which made him rage more, I said that hitting and being aggressive was not allowed so knocked another 1/2 off his bedtime, he started hitting and saying unless I let him go to bed at 8.30pm he was no going to stop, by then I had got him in his bedroom, he was pulling my hair, hitting and kicking, kept repeating that if I didn’t let him stay up until 8.30 he was going to carry on, every time I tried to leave the room he had hold of my clothing or my hair and was screaming for me not to go, then he was biting. I just kept saying no he was going to bed at 7pm tomorrow as he could no expect go behave like this and stay up late, he had to take the consequences of his action’s. I picked him up and put him into his bed as he was refusing to get in, he had hold of my hair in both hands pulling so hard, where do they get teir strenght from when they are having these meltdowns!!!! Now this where I am not very proud of myself, but he was pulling so hard and I could not get him to let go, that I pulled his hair back, and the shock of it made him let go immediately, he said you are not allowed to hurt me, I just said but you were really hurting me and now you know what it feels like, I just said our usual goodnight blardy blar, and left the room, feeling horrible with what I had done.

I left it for 15 minutes and went upstairs on the pretence of going to the loo as Munch had been very quiet, and that has not been him just lately when in bed. As I was going upstairs, he asked is that you mummy in the sweetessed of voices as if nothing had happened, I went in he was playing his DS in bed, I apologies for pulling his hair, he asked if he could stay up till his normal time tomorrow, I stuck to my gun’s and said no, told him that he should not be playing his DS in bed and he was to finnish what he was doing and put it down, there was no calling out or anything afterwards, he jus finished and went off to sleep.

I hold my hands up and say I was completely at a loss as how to handle the situation, thank goodness for our Play Therapist, it shall be top of my agenda on Tuesday to get some help and guidance on how to deal with things when step is playing right into his hands.

So the weekend started on a high and ended up on a an extreme low 😦