Easter Catch Up

So a bit of a catch up since my last post, things have been relativity calm here of late, we had a couple of weeks where Munch was particularly rude and uncooperative, this coupled with nose-bleeds, lots of cloths chewing and constantly being called aside by his teacher told us that something was going on in his little head, so lots of wondering out loud, trying to be as empathetic as possible – not all ways easy – and reigning things in. We tightened boundaries and structure, we made everything visual and this seems to have done the trick, we now have a much calmer Munch on our hands.

The start of the Easter holiday’s were a bit tricky, think I was on my way to a mini breakdown, so I am sure everything felt a lot worse than it was, thanks to hubby taking charge though and taking a couple of nights off work things improved and we got on with enjoying the holiday.

The 2nd week Munch attended his Karate school and worked very hard all week and is now the proud owner of a purple tag belt. He also has a very proud mummy and daddy.

News on our 2nd adoption is that our 2 HS visits has now turned into 5!! We just have a few loose ends to fill in on our 5th visit which should have been this week but clashed with an invite out to afternoon tea with my ex-work colleagues and as I don’t get out much these day’s I was not tuning it down.

Our SW came out and did a session with Munch yesterday which went better than I thought as I did think he may be uncooperative, but he wasn’t, the SW asked him lots of questions about like where would his little sister sit at the table, where abouts in the living room, where was she going to sleep, what about if she wanted a different programme on to him, about bath and bedtime, all of which he really though about.

The SW also told him stories about me and his daddy when we were getting ready for him to come, and it was lovely, he hung on to every word she said.

SW is coming to visit him in 2 weeks again and is hoping to get us to panel in June and has told us to start looking at children!! Our AUK membership was up for renewal so we subscribed to Children Who Wait as well and have started looking.

A Brief Update.

Well things have been ticking along nicely here, we had a good Christmas with just one incident on Christmas Eve where after bedtime Munch had a bit of a wobble and I ended up having to sit with him in his room until he calmed down. The one thing of notice was though although Munch was besides himself there was no hitting, kicking, swearing or spitting he did at one point grab hold of my hair but though better of it. He eventually went to sleep and was back to his normal self Christmas morning and we had a lovely day.

Post Christmas is a tricky time as it was when we 1st met our beautiful boy so at the moment thing’s are tricky here, he is pushing and testing boundaries, so we have reeled it all back in for the moment, keeping routines as tight as possible using the step when need’s be and trying hard not to get sucked into the chaos that we know he is trying to create. We know we will possible have a few more weeks of this so we trying to take it in our stride, easier said than done though.

On the 2nd adoption front nothing has happened since the last post apart from having a visit canceled and re-booked for a week on Monday.

A very short up-date, but nice not to have a lot to report!!

Another busy Tuesday

Well after Munch went to bed so early and slept at midnight, he came in as happy as Larry saying that he was scared, I took him back to bed he got in and slept till 8am this morning. I had an interesting conversation about this with the Play Therapist this morning, she was saying how emotions are learnt and how he has not learn how to react appropriately to his emotions, i.e being happy when scared, inappropriate laughing just to name a couple.

Anyway up got Munch and our morning went without incident until the Play Therapist arrived, I could hear him being extremely aggressive with her, he was swearing, just being how he has with us over the last couple of weeks. As she said afterwards you cannot just wipe out 5 years of extreme trauma and abuse, and it is going to surface every now and again, that she would be more worried if it did not.

We talked about going back to the basic’s again, re doing all that we did in those 1st 10 week sessions, thing’s like snuggle time that have naturally petered out, back to using sucking as a calming technique, being very firm with our boundaries which is what Munch needs. The trouble is, and we have talked about this before is that when thing’s improve you tend to let down your guard, and you cannot give Munch an inch.

We also talked about his very low self-esteem, about how over the last couple of weeks he has been saying that he is an idiot and hitting himself, I told her how at one point I had just said to Munch that I wasn’t going there today, and that had calmed him a little, she said it was a good way to deal with it as to keep saying, no you’re not ect will just fuel him, and also to use our calming techniques.

Whilst the having his Play Therapy the post arrived along with all our court paper work as the fee has now gone up and the paper work we had received still had the old fee on it!!!! So back to the post office again, with paper work and a cheque for the correct fee this time.

Ok, so Munch has been in 10 minutes, he has already sworn, so had swearing is not allowed – step, for which I got a slap so he is now upstairs in his room where he has been sent for the next 15 minutes. When time was up Munch stayed upstairs playing.

We had tea then off for his 1st gymnastic’s session at school, when we got back from that Munch wanted to play his Xbox game he had been playing earlier, so off upstairs he went until Beavers. Tonight when we got to Beavers he really did not want to go in, he was pushing me and say he didn’t want to go, even when we got in there he was saying please can we go home, which is very unlike him, he always say’s he doesn’t want to go on Beaver’s night as he does with anything because he lack confidence, but normal there is no fuss and as soon as we get to the gate he is off playing with the others. He was fine when I picked him up and had enjoyed himself.

Back indoor’s the bedtime routine went well, I tried to put some fun into it and we had a laugh, then for a reason only known to Munch he put his woggle down the toilet, was extremely babyish around getting undressed and then threw a little hard ball at me which hit me on the neck and hurt, so he lost 1/2 hour off his bedtime tomorrow. A hug and kiss and he is now quiet upstairs.

Oh Dear!

Yesterday morning from the minute Munch go up he was in a hyper mood going at a 100 miles an hour. He was not to bad just doing everything really quickly.

Later we all got ready and went to the local shopping centre, we went for something to eat, all the time we were out Munch was pushing at the boundaries several times he was asked to do things or not to do things and it would take several times before he would listen. We were going to a shop to get things for Halloween today and a few times I said that if he continued we would not go, on the way to the shop, he kept repeating over and over, please can we go to the —–, I asked him to stop, he carried on, I said that if he carried on we would not go, he carried on whilst laughing, so I said  he had to many chances and that was it we were going home, Munch did not like it at all and at this point I could see we were in for one of his meltdowns, he cried and growled on the way back to the car, he got in and we started off home. When he is in this zone we know that there is no reasoning with him as this just fuels it and we just we have to do to keep him and ourselves safe. Granny though decided that she was to start telling him how if he had listened to mummy and not kept pushing it, Munch by this stage just could not cope with that and hit granny round the head, I had to pull over into a petrol station and get him out of the car, by now he was in his really scary zone where he just cannot control it, I could not let go of him as it was to dangerous, but just holding him by the hand, he was able to hit out, kick, bite, spit so I literally had to get behind him and restrain him. The lady came out from he garage and knocked on the car window to ask if she could do anything. LIKE WHAT!!!!! He eventually seemed to calm so I got him back in the car, only for him to lash out again, so back out of the car we got, I said that we would have to walk home, he was completely out of it, I had to sit at a bus stop and restrain him, it must have taken 1/2 hour to get him to  a calm enough state to get back into the car. He was told that when we got home he was going to his bedroom for a cool down period, if he hit or did anything that he should not the time in the bedroom would be extended, we managed to get home without any incident, and Munch went straight up to his bedroom.

Once up there though he started again, I ended up upstairs with him for a good hour sitting in the door of the bedroom, he threw things at me launch himself at me with his fists and feet on more than one occasion I had to put my hands up to defend myself which sent him reeling back onto he floor, all of which I then got blame for being told that I had done it on perpose!! Eventually I could see that he was trying to regulate himself, so I got him to get his drinks bottle to suck as sucking is very calming. Munch sucked his bottle and then came and sat on my knee and snuggled in whilst sucking on his bottle. Eventually cam was restored 2 hours after meltdown had started.

The rest of the day past without incident, me and daddy made the most of granny being here and had a night out.