The Good, the Bad and the Good Again.

Well this morning started off very well, Munch came into our room a little earlier than I would have liked on a Sunday morning, especially after a lovely night last night filled with plenty of Bacardi, but he came in armed with a letter and had written to mummy and daddy I love you from Munch, what could we do after that, so we let him in, he watched Cartoon Network fo a while, then we put on the X Factor that we had recorded from last night, we watched just over half of it but Munch was starting to restless so we all got up.

I cooked a nice big Sunday breakfast of sausage, bacon, eggs black pudding, mushrooms and potato cakes. Munch did well, he ate some of his mushroom’s, egg, bacon and sausage, he tried the potato cake, and the black pudding but did not like them.

He asked to watch the Karate Film again, and went off to the living room to watch, when daddy went him, Munch was very rude and told daddy that he was not watching the film, daddy took offence at this and world war 3 broke out, daddy was shouting, Munch was shouting, which made daddy worse, now Munch has the upper hand and the control hat he wants, so out comes the language calling daddy a f—–g idiot, you f—–r, which enraged daddy even more, I dragged Munch upstairs and put him in his room and closed the door as he was being extremely violent. He was told he was not to leave his bedroom and he could stay there until told otherwise.

I was so angry with hubby, what was the point in all the work we had done with the play therapist, it is one of Munch’s little tricks to try to rile and recreate that chaotic , abusive lifestyle that to him was the norm for so many years of his precious life and hubby had played right into, what happened to our that is rude and not allowed – step.

Hubby went off in a strop with the dog because I told him what I though of him, Munch was upstairs wailing and that’s all it was a big noise and going on and on about wanting to go ice skating as that was what we were supposed to be doing today, but as a consequence of his behaviour was just not happening, I just said no we would not be going today, and he was to say upstairs until further notice.

Hubby came back with a face like a fiddle, I eventually let Munch down, he was acting like an angel and still though he was going to be able to go skating –  NO. He played on the computer for a short while, then engaged daddy in a spy game, by then hubby had stopped sulking, so off upstairs went they and came down with their spy costumes on, they did this for about half hour until Munch was bored with that.

Me and Munch went and made some jelly together to have for afters later, we then had lunch and got out all the paints and arts and craft bits and did some painting and sticking. After Munch had enough we went upstairs and played Junior Monopoly for an hour, Munch really enjoyed this and played it very well, we packed up in time for a nice quiet afternoon in front of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

After all the going’s on of this morning, I did not have the incline or the energy to do a Sunday roast, so am afraid Munch sat down to a Sunday dinner of beans on toast, followed by his orange jelly that he had made today.

Straight in the bath after were Munch played with all his toy mobile character’s as he usually does, he called out to me at one point and when I asked him what he wanted his reply was “love ya” aaaahhhh!!

TV, supper, story read and little man is now tucked up in bed, been a bit of a strange day today, daddy is in work, so lets hope he is in a better mood when he gets in, and tomorrow is another day.

Play Therapy Resumes

This morning started not good, Munch was difiant and deliberately doing things he was asked not to do, he know’s that daddy works until sometimes 3 or 4 am in the morning and he is not to go into our room on school day’s, I noticed him about to go in and asked him not to, 2 seconds later when my back was turned in he went and jumped on daddy, deliberately doing it as hard as he could, I immediately told him that he would have no TV in the evening, then remembered he had Beaver’s this evening so he had no TV anyway, so changed it to the following morning, later when I was getting dressed Munch went to come in the room and I said no daddy is tying to sleep so he deliberately stood out side the door singing in a very load shouting voice. So he was told that he has lost the following day’s TV.

Once downstairs I told him that even though daddy works late we never ask him to be really quiet in the mornings all we ask is that he does not go in and wake daddy up and that he does not deliberately shout at he bedroom door. Munch decided that he was not going to listen and kept trying to walk off so I gave him his 7 minutes time out. As soon as it was over he decided to push me so back for another 7 minutes time out.

In the middle of this time out the Play Therapist turned up, so she set up in the living room whilst Munch finished his time out. Munch joined her in the living room and they did their thing, I was in the kitchen and I could hear him being rude and aggressive with her like he is with us, and do you know what, I was actually glad because she was seeing it first hand.

When they had finished Munch normally has a little packet of sweets to take to school which he eats whilst daddy is driving him there, this morning I said no, as he had not behaved very well this morning. He said I have been good with PT’s, to which she never said a word, so I just said I don’t think so and off he went with daddy. Daddy said that he was quiet all the way to school which is unlike him so he knew he had over stepped the mark.

We had a good talk with the PT, I always make notes. I spoke about how over the few weeks since she had not been here he had become very rude and aggressive in the way that he talks to us, al of which she said tha he had been doing with her during their session. She said that it is his way of trying to bring back the very chaotic and extremely abusive world that he lived in for over 5 years of his life back, it is what he is used to and in a strange way how he feels safest, that we need to teach him a new way of living, she said that when he speaks to us aggressively or is name calling, or demanding, that from now on we have to say very firmly, you are being rude with your voice, that is not allowed, step, and straight onto the step for his 7 minutes. If he is aggressive as in pushing, hitting kicking, spitting making fists at people, going to kick, we have to say very firmly your body behaviour is wrong, it is not allowed, step, and 7 minutes on the step.

Whilst we were doing our 7 minutes this morning obviously she had been able to observe what we were doing, Munch tends to try to engage you in talking and say’s things to get a reaction, he also calls the dog and play’s with her, what the PT said is to sit him on he step, and that we are not to talk to him at all until his time is up, she said to take ourselves and the dog into the living room and shut the door, if he bang’s on it to ignore him, we have glass panel’s in the door, which I was worried about, as hubby said if, the panels go through, so what, make it safe ignore him until time is up. The PT also said that we need to take back control and show him we are in charge, if we are out anywhere if he does any of these behaviour we are just to come straight home, like she said sometimes it is us as the adoptive parents who suffer, eg could be at an event, party ect that we really want to be at but we have to stick to our guns and leave and straight on to the step for 7 minutes once home.

We also talked about one of the things that Munch does and that is to blame us for doing things, eg on Saturday night when daddy took him aside to talk to him Munch started to saying that daddy had sworn at him, he has said that we have banged his head on he wall when he has banged it, that I have picked him up and thrown him on the floor, always when he is in one of his shake periods, but these are just a few examples of hings he will say. The PT said that we need to stop nip this in he bud or else at some point down the line we are going to end up looking at Child Protection issues. So what she has told us to do is we have suspended Munch’s star chart for the time being and we now have a When Munch Blames chart, we have to make it very clear to him that it is a terrible thing to blamed, and that is what we have to say to him, under the title it has the 2 words voice and body, if he says that somebody has done something with their voice ie swear, we put 1v on he chart, if he says someone does some thing with their body ie hit we write 1b on the chart, it is a way of showing him what he is doing, us away of seeing how often he does this, and when he does it we have to say it is a terrible thing to blame someone for doing…. and step again. On the bottom of the chart we have written What Happen’s : STEP, so that he know’s.

Anyway I picked Munch up from school, whilst walking to the car told him what was happening this evening, and that included, siting at the table and talking through our Blame Chart, and rude voice and body behaviour being wrong and what the consequence of these action’s was going to be.

At home Munch changed, did his reading, then for the big talk, whilst talking about his Blame Chart, he said like the time you punched me in the face and my tooth fell out!!!!, straight away, blame is a terrible thing, step. I will just add at this point I did anciently knock his tooth out in the playground, it was a very wobbly tooth that was about to come out and I was pretending to steal a kiss. 7 minutes up one 1b added o the chart and on with our talk we continued, whilst telling him about the rude with his voice and that included telling people to shut up or making zip actions across his mouth, he made a zip it action across his mouth, that is being rude with your voice, that is not allowed step, another 7 minutes!!! After that we managed to finish our talk.

We then went o do Munch’s special time play, which is all about him taking control, this is good as it gives him his time to have control, giving him this in theory is supposed to lessen their need for control at other times, not what given our talk I would have chosen to do but this had been decided the day before so that is what  did. Munch wanted to play Connect 4 which he played well, for a while then started to get very whinny and nothing was right and twisting things, it was near the end of our time so I just said that if he was no playing properly I was going to do the dinner, to which I got shouted out, que you are being rude with your voice, that is not allowed, step, me and dog in living room again. When time was up I came out to do the dinner and asked Munch to go and play, to which he started to push me, que your body behaviour is all wrong, that is not allowed, step. Me and dog back in the living room, this time he came into the livingroom laughing, I replaced him back on the step and stood up against the door, Munch was banging constantly on the door but I ignored it till time was up. As soon as I came out of the living room he started to hit me, que usual spiel, you must have it by now and back on step, this time he banged on the door a little while then gave up and sat until his time was up.

Whilst doing the dinner, I asked Munch to play in the living room or his bedroom which he did for a while then came into the kitchen, I said I was not prepared for him to be playing around in he kitchen whilst I was preparing dinner if he wanted to stay he needed to get a one of his colouring books to do on the table to which he did and sat and talked pleasantly, he ate dinner nicely, then off to Beaver’s

Once home supper and bedtime went without incident.