Play Therapy Resumes

This morning started not good, Munch was difiant and deliberately doing things he was asked not to do, he know’s that daddy works until sometimes 3 or 4 am in the morning and he is not to go into our room on school day’s, I noticed him about to go in and asked him not to, 2 seconds later when my back was turned in he went and jumped on daddy, deliberately doing it as hard as he could, I immediately told him that he would have no TV in the evening, then remembered he had Beaver’s this evening so he had no TV anyway, so changed it to the following morning, later when I was getting dressed Munch went to come in the room and I said no daddy is tying to sleep so he deliberately stood out side the door singing in a very load shouting voice. So he was told that he has lost the following day’s TV.

Once downstairs I told him that even though daddy works late we never ask him to be really quiet in the mornings all we ask is that he does not go in and wake daddy up and that he does not deliberately shout at he bedroom door. Munch decided that he was not going to listen and kept trying to walk off so I gave him his 7 minutes time out. As soon as it was over he decided to push me so back for another 7 minutes time out.

In the middle of this time out the Play Therapist turned up, so she set up in the living room whilst Munch finished his time out. Munch joined her in the living room and they did their thing, I was in the kitchen and I could hear him being rude and aggressive with her like he is with us, and do you know what, I was actually glad because she was seeing it first hand.

When they had finished Munch normally has a little packet of sweets to take to school which he eats whilst daddy is driving him there, this morning I said no, as he had not behaved very well this morning. He said I have been good with PT’s, to which she never said a word, so I just said I don’t think so and off he went with daddy. Daddy said that he was quiet all the way to school which is unlike him so he knew he had over stepped the mark.

We had a good talk with the PT, I always make notes. I spoke about how over the few weeks since she had not been here he had become very rude and aggressive in the way that he talks to us, al of which she said tha he had been doing with her during their session. She said that it is his way of trying to bring back the very chaotic and extremely abusive world that he lived in for over 5 years of his life back, it is what he is used to and in a strange way how he feels safest, that we need to teach him a new way of living, she said that when he speaks to us aggressively or is name calling, or demanding, that from now on we have to say very firmly, you are being rude with your voice, that is not allowed, step, and straight onto the step for his 7 minutes. If he is aggressive as in pushing, hitting kicking, spitting making fists at people, going to kick, we have to say very firmly your body behaviour is wrong, it is not allowed, step, and 7 minutes on the step.

Whilst we were doing our 7 minutes this morning obviously she had been able to observe what we were doing, Munch tends to try to engage you in talking and say’s things to get a reaction, he also calls the dog and play’s with her, what the PT said is to sit him on he step, and that we are not to talk to him at all until his time is up, she said to take ourselves and the dog into the living room and shut the door, if he bang’s on it to ignore him, we have glass panel’s in the door, which I was worried about, as hubby said if, the panels go through, so what, make it safe ignore him until time is up. The PT also said that we need to take back control and show him we are in charge, if we are out anywhere if he does any of these behaviour we are just to come straight home, like she said sometimes it is us as the adoptive parents who suffer, eg could be at an event, party ect that we really want to be at but we have to stick to our guns and leave and straight on to the step for 7 minutes once home.

We also talked about one of the things that Munch does and that is to blame us for doing things, eg on Saturday night when daddy took him aside to talk to him Munch started to saying that daddy had sworn at him, he has said that we have banged his head on he wall when he has banged it, that I have picked him up and thrown him on the floor, always when he is in one of his shake periods, but these are just a few examples of hings he will say. The PT said that we need to stop nip this in he bud or else at some point down the line we are going to end up looking at Child Protection issues. So what she has told us to do is we have suspended Munch’s star chart for the time being and we now have a When Munch Blames chart, we have to make it very clear to him that it is a terrible thing to blamed, and that is what we have to say to him, under the title it has the 2 words voice and body, if he says that somebody has done something with their voice ie swear, we put 1v on he chart, if he says someone does some thing with their body ie hit we write 1b on the chart, it is a way of showing him what he is doing, us away of seeing how often he does this, and when he does it we have to say it is a terrible thing to blame someone for doing…. and step again. On the bottom of the chart we have written What Happen’s : STEP, so that he know’s.

Anyway I picked Munch up from school, whilst walking to the car told him what was happening this evening, and that included, siting at the table and talking through our Blame Chart, and rude voice and body behaviour being wrong and what the consequence of these action’s was going to be.

At home Munch changed, did his reading, then for the big talk, whilst talking about his Blame Chart, he said like the time you punched me in the face and my tooth fell out!!!!, straight away, blame is a terrible thing, step. I will just add at this point I did anciently knock his tooth out in the playground, it was a very wobbly tooth that was about to come out and I was pretending to steal a kiss. 7 minutes up one 1b added o the chart and on with our talk we continued, whilst telling him about the rude with his voice and that included telling people to shut up or making zip actions across his mouth, he made a zip it action across his mouth, that is being rude with your voice, that is not allowed step, another 7 minutes!!! After that we managed to finish our talk.

We then went o do Munch’s special time play, which is all about him taking control, this is good as it gives him his time to have control, giving him this in theory is supposed to lessen their need for control at other times, not what given our talk I would have chosen to do but this had been decided the day before so that is what  did. Munch wanted to play Connect 4 which he played well, for a while then started to get very whinny and nothing was right and twisting things, it was near the end of our time so I just said that if he was no playing properly I was going to do the dinner, to which I got shouted out, que you are being rude with your voice, that is not allowed, step, me and dog in living room again. When time was up I came out to do the dinner and asked Munch to go and play, to which he started to push me, que your body behaviour is all wrong, that is not allowed, step. Me and dog back in the living room, this time he came into the livingroom laughing, I replaced him back on the step and stood up against the door, Munch was banging constantly on the door but I ignored it till time was up. As soon as I came out of the living room he started to hit me, que usual spiel, you must have it by now and back on step, this time he banged on the door a little while then gave up and sat until his time was up.

Whilst doing the dinner, I asked Munch to play in the living room or his bedroom which he did for a while then came into the kitchen, I said I was not prepared for him to be playing around in he kitchen whilst I was preparing dinner if he wanted to stay he needed to get a one of his colouring books to do on the table to which he did and sat and talked pleasantly, he ate dinner nicely, then off to Beaver’s

Once home supper and bedtime went without incident.

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2 Very Different Days

Yesterday morning for some reason Munch came and woke me up at 6.40am, I told him to go back to bed which he did and put his TV on, he must have come in another 4 times and in the end we got up earlier than planned. Munch is normally good at staying in his room until 9am on a weekend so I am not sure what was a matter this morning.

Munch was 1 of the 4 Beaver’s representing his group in a Connect 4 competition in the morning so we got ready for that, he was his usual apprehensive self when going somewhere new, saying that he did not want to go. I knew that he would be fine once he got there so gave him lots of encouragement, and he was ok and off with the other Beaver’s from his group as soon as we arrived.

I was back a couple of hour’s later to pick him up and watch the presentation of certificates, Munch go a taking part certificate of which he was really pleased with.

After we went straight to our local shopping centre because Munch has completely out grown his old winter coat and he needed one. Munch was in a very funny mood by the time we got there he was cranky, very un-cooperative, he had pocket-money he wanted to spend, he had his Kevin and Perry head on, so he was full of attitude and generally not listening and thinking he was being very clever, he had several warnings. We went o the toilet and he insisted on coming in with me and did not want o leave and stand on his own, I told him that the mood he was in I did not trust him not to open the door, he promised that he would not, and then did. I told him that he had enough warning’s and that we were going home. He did his usual and said that he had forgotten not to open the door it was an accident, which it was not. I just took hold of his hand and walked through the shopping centre with him protesting until we got to the car park. I was really aware of the fact that I desperately needed to get him a coat, so I took him aside when we got to the car park and talked to him and said that we would go back, but here would be no more warnings, if he stepped out of line just once, we would go home, coat or no coat, and if he had no coat we could not go to the Fireworks display  we were going to tha evening.

The rest of the shopping trip passed very sullenly, we got a coat, as he behaved we went to Disney and he spent his pocket-money on Club Penguin books and we made it home in one piece.

Munch’s attitude carried on at home, he clearly was not having a good day and was struggling. We had tea and got ready for the Fireworks Display, we were meeting friends. Whilst there Munch was trying to be very controlling of everything, nothing was right, he was very heavy-handed with our friends daughter. He moaned and groaned although the fireworks, the later night and very early morning was obviously kicking in, walking out he was deliberately bumping into people as it was very crowded, we walked a little way to get a bus, all the bus’ passing were full, we managed to get a taxi in the end, this cheered him up and we had a much better mood.

When we got in daddy had to go to nanny’s, we had a very nice supper time then off to bed. Munch walked out of the kitchen then just walked back in and punched me out of the blue, and started shouting that I had left his new coat on the back of the chair. Now I am not proud of the fact, but at this point I have to say I completely lost the plot, I was so angry, I shouted and shouted, I told him I was sick and tired of his attitude, tha I was not going to be hit and kicked by him anymore, that was not what son’s did to their mummy’s and if he carried on that from now on he could stay upstairs in his bedroom where I did not have to see him, me shouting like a fish wife gave him even more ammunition to shout back and swear at me like a trooper. I was just so angry that I yelled and yelled about what I don’t know.

I came downstairs and sat down and could not believe how I had acted, so after a few minutes, I went back up and apologised to him, it is the first time in the 10 months that he has been our son I have ever seen his face wet with tears, I said I was very sorry that I shouted at him, we had a hug and a kiss and off to sleep he went.

On reflection we should not really have taken Munch to he display, what we have said is that in future if we are planning on doing something like that we will leave it until the last-minute to tell him the we can judge before we go if we feel that he will be able to cope with it.

Today has been totally different, he got up in a much better frame of mind. After breakfast I decided to take Munch to the local Sunday market, we spent a couple of hours there. Munch bought a little yappy dog. We called in the supermarket on he way home, had an hour indoor’s then went and met one of my friend’s and her dog with our dog. Munch had a good couple of hours walking and running with the two dog’s.

Back at home he watched TV before bath his evening TV and yet more fireworks, supper, bed story. Tonight he wanted to do his bottle again sitting on my knee. In all the a very good day.

Guy Fawkes Night

Today started off well and we had a nice easy morning before school.

After school we had to take Munch for his Hep B vaccination, he was full of bravado until he saw the needle, then he screamed and I had to hold him still, anyway it’s all done now. Afterwards I don’t know what happened but Munch was in that mood were nothing is right, his whole attitude is stroppy, he did not have a nice word to say, he called us names and was generally very unpleasant.

When we got home he went and got changed, he came down and we practiced ready for his Connect 4 competition with Beaver’s tomorrow, at first he played nicely, then he got whiney and it was wrong if he won and wrong if he lost and was just nothing pleased. In the end I made him come upstairs and sit on his bed just so that I could try to talk to him, I told him to loss the attitude or else he could stay upstairs so that we did not have to put up with it, all the time I was talking to him he kept trying to be clever making funny faces and saluting saying yes boss and laughing. I asked him to stop and told him he could go down stairs, on the way down he kept laughing and acting clever, so I sent him upstairs and said he could stay there for a while.

When he was allowed down again he was told that if his attitude did not change the fireworks we had brought for tonight would be put away. He played quietly on the computer after that until it was time for the fireworks. We had a great hour and a half watching the fireworks and eating hotdogs in the garden. Munch had his job choosing which firework we were having each time, he ate 4 hotdogs!!! He earnt a star for behaving a listening well whilst we had the fireworks, so in the end we had a lovely night.

These Last 3 Days.

Last 3 day have been pretty uneventful, school all day Tuesday, no play therapist as she had to attend court, Munch went to Beaver’s and was pleased to be 1 of the 4 Beaver’s to be picked to attend the District Connect 4 competition on Saturday out of his group.

Wednesday he had his film club after school, as it was granny’s last night she did bath and story.

Today we had a bit of attitude in the morning which resulted in time-out, granny went home. We attended the Express It! group and as usual Munch was very uncooperative and did not listen and generally missed behaved more so than usual, so on coming home was sent upstairs until dinner. Dinner was a bit of a disaster as new recipe and it was not nice. Munch watched TV for a while after dinner until his cousin called and they played on club penguin until bedtime, Munch got himself ready for bed, we had some of his juice bottle and a cuddle on mummy’s bed story and nite nite followed.