Another Milestone.

Well I have another milestone to report we finally have received our court date’s, in just over 2 weeks Munch will legally be all our’s. Our letter stated that on the day of our Representation Hearing they will be granting the Adoption Order and hat we will take full parental responsibility from that day. We also received the date for our Celebration hearing which is just 4 weeks later in our local Family Courts.

I cannot believe how excited we are, we have already arranged a Celebration Party on the Saturday after our Celebration hearing and have been over whelmed by all the good wish’s we have received from family and friends.

We are not going to tell Munch about the Adoption order until just before the Celebration hearing as I am sure it will be such a big thing for him we are fully expecting to have some sort of back lash, but we will deal with that as and when.

Besides that we have been having a fairly good time of it lately, we have had our usual moments, of times when munch finds it difficult to let go of control and has tried his best to control things, we have had his usual attitude, but no major incidents.

School is at long last back to usual with all the bank holiday’s and things over, Munch has managed to keep his room tidy and is actually spending time on his own playing with out prompting.

As for the calling out at night we seem to have cracked it with allowing 2 call outs as most evening now he doesn’t call out at all, he always say’s before I leave his room that he has 2 call outs and wants to know that I will go up if he needs me to, but hat reassurance seems to be enough though, so evenings after he is in bed are actually nice and relaxing now.

As a back lash of the no calling down now, Munch is getting to sleep much early and is awake now in the mornings, the last few morning’s though he has been coming in and waking us up before getting up time, it’s wouldn’t be a big problem apart from the fact that daddy works evenings and some times does not come in until 4 0r 5 in the morning, so this is our next thing to tackle. This morning I have said that if I comes in tomorrow morning he will not get his 1/2 lights on in his bedroom after bedtime, it will be bed, story, lights off. So we will see how we get on for the next few days!!!

Back to School Routine, Munch did Not Cope Well.

This morning started off well enough, Munch got up in a good mood, he tried to say that he was feeling sick, but mummy knew better, especially as he ate all his breakfast.  Munch was happily writing at the table and got ready for school no problem at all.

After school was a different matter though, whether it was the fact that we have had a very odd few weeks and then going back into the routine of school I don’t know but when we got in we started his reading, he was very unco-operative, he was missing words,  reading in gibberish, pretending not to know words that I know he know’s very well. So I just shut his book and said that if that was the mood he was in there was no point in carrying on and I would just write in his book just that, start of the pleading, ‘no mummy, I will read’, so second chance given, no change, so I stopped. Munch now started pushing and getting aggressive so it was – Step, he was pushing and trying to bite me so I just took him to the step and tried to put me and the dog into the living room out off his way, he dived into he living room and when I told him to go back to the step, he said no, I just manoeuvred him to the step and said his 7 minutes would start when he was on the step. I had to stand with my back to the door, he eventually got the message and went and sat on the step and did his time.

After his time up, he did wanted to read and did finnish his reading, if not as well as I know he can, as well as could be expected given his mood. I do write how he has read in the book though, and did say to start he had been uncooperative.

His mood continued he was being very contrary, wanting, then not wanting, jus being very whinny and trying to control situations all evening, I had ordered new ice boots for him as his one I had bought were to big and wanted him to try them on, he put on a big show of not being able to get them on, whilst making no effort, I was not being drawn in, so just said to leave it for now, and as we were putting them down, he accused me of strangling him, in a very aggressive tone, so he know’s this is wrong and was sent to the step, he immediately tried to change not what he had said but how he had ment it, but blaming people for things means the step, so step it was.

After his second sit on the step Munch seemed to have calmed a little, he tried on his ice boots, and then went to watch TV, which he did quietly until dinner. A dinner we had an incident where he knocked some of his food on to the table, you would have thought he had lost the lot by the way he carried on, he wailed, he wasn’t eating anymore, stropped away from the table, a complete over reaction, I just talked very calmly and we put the food back onto his plate,took off his cloths as they had gravy on and we managed to finish dinner in a civilized way!!

Munch went back to watching TV whilst I got his karate gear ready, I spoke to him whilst he was watching Tv, and again he shouted aggressively that he was watching TV, so he got sent to the step again as he is not allowed to talk to people like that, and just writing this down has made me remember, that the one thing our play therapist had us doing when things were bad and it worked quickly was  – your being rude with your voice – that’s not allowed – STEP, and your being something with your body – that’s not allowed – STEP. Can’t remember the wording we used so will have to get out my note-book and look it up and go back to it as it worked a treat before, and we have found that it is better to get on top of this behaviour then let it take hold and get out of hand which it can quite quickly.

After that karate went well, home and his usual TV before bed, story and he asked for snuggle time and cream time tonight, so 5 minutes before lights out we did snuggle time which consisted of doing This Little Piggy, and Round and Round the Garden so a bit of regression needed tonight, then a lovely massage with his special cream, so nice and tactile.

One thing that I have not mentioned for a while is that we still have the constant calling down each night for a good 1-2 hours, tonight it was only for 1/2 hour, so maybe the nice relaxing massage helped just before light out, so will try this again.

Another Milestone – Adoption Order Papers sent to Court.

Well what a week it has been in the Munch household.

It started on Monday getting the good news that Play therapy was recommencing the very next day, woo hoo.

Munch has been in a bit of a strange place all week, we had a review today and we don’t normally tell Munch hat his SW is here until we pick him up from school on the day his SW is visiting as it worries him and he will be awake all the night before with pain’s in his legs. As he was off school today we had to tell him earlier so that he knew what was happening, so all week we have had him trying to control,  he has also been in a very contrary mood.

Play Therapy went well and it was good to start again, the Play Therapist said that she noticed a difference in how polite Munch was being, whilst she was here our SW arrived. I had forgotten that we had arranged this visit before Christmas

One the Play Therapist had left myself and our SW got to work on the Disability Living Allowance forms for Munch, it’s when we were filling in these forms, which are long and tedious that it makes you realise how different Munch is from other children, I think that we have got so used to living with his anxieties and behaviours that it has become the norm for us, writing it all down on paper made me realise just how traumatized our poor little boy is.

After school we Munch had his yearly Looked After Child medical at the Doctor’s, and then we had the dentist after that it was home and getting ready for Beaver’s, so in all it was a very busy day on Tuesday.

Wednesday Munch was in fine form, he tried to be controlling, he tried to be very contrary and by bedtime, I was worn out with it all, step was used, he hit daddy in the face knocking his glasses flying, kicked the dog, hit out at me, so he was sent to his room for 1/2 hour. Later in bed, he was an absolute nightmare trying to get him to go to sleep, he just kept calling, wanting hugs, but not really hugging he was back to making a show of hugging but not waning to be close, arm across his body, face turned as far away as he could, yet would not let go and having to be prized off. Then he was hitting himself and saying I’m an idiot, you think I’m an idiot, I’m a f–king idiot, you done even like me, you say you love me but you don’t really you just lie, and he kept saying them over and over again and hitting himself, he just has such low self-esteem, I eventually got him to calm down and sleep, about an hour later I could hear him crying and when I went up he was standing on the landing saying what is it, get it away from me and waving his arms around like mad, I just said its ok come on back to bed and he went without a fuse.

Thursday was a better day, but if I am honest, I coped out a bit and because I knew he was going to be extremely anxious and not in a good place because of the impending SW visit he next day, I just let him use the computer all evening, bad mummy, until TV time before bed.

And then today, another milestone for us, 1 year since Munch actually moved in with us and we posted our Adoption Order papers off to the court today!!!!!!

Our review went very well, we had a new reviewing Officer who was fab, he wants it in writing that he feels that once our present 10 sessions of Play Therapy are over, that they should look in to whether the Play Therapist would visit us once every 8 weeks for at least the next year, just to give us on going support, he also wanted it down that everyone feels that direct contact with one of Munch’s paternal grandmothers is not in Munch’s best interest, and in fact is the complete opposite, we have always from the very 1st visit that we had with Munch’s SW and Family finder said that we were open to direct contact as long as it was in his best interest.

Munch never has mentioned this Grandmother, it was a court directive and the reviewing officer said that he feels it needs to be documented so that if the Grandmother decided at a later date to try to get contact through the courts that it would help us if we have documentation to say that it is not in his best interest.

Daddy had taken Munch out whilst the review was on, I then went and met them, together we all went to the Post Office to get our papers sent Special Delivery and afterwards went and had something to eat, home and daddy has gone for a few drinks and I am off to bed.

Boxing Day

This morning Munch came into us at 8am and asked if he could put his X Box on, we said as it was not a school morning he could, 1/2 later he came and asked if he coud put a DVD on using his X Box, yes said we.

At 9am daddy got up and very kindly said for me to have a lay in and he would deal with Munch, after Munch jumping on the bed several times and the dog doing her bit as well 30 minutes later I gave up and went down.

After Munch having been our very own little star yesterday, today he was full of attitude, 4 times he ended up on the step, for shouting at us, demanding things, and generally trying to control. We knew we needed to do the step before things got to much, we have learnt that we need to get on top before he does. It seemed to do the trick and calmed Munch down.

Me and Munch played a couple of his games he had received yesterday, then Munch and Daddy took his big Ford Truck over to the side road across the road as it is very quiet and has a large area at the end, I was just settling down with a coffee and the computer when back they came the battery needed charging again, it must have lasted a whole 40 minutes in total, so back on for another 8 hours of charging. Daddy said Munch had been very good and had not even made a fuss when he had crashed it into the wall.

Back at home, Munch went around recording what me and daddy were saying on his spy pen, he played with the garage and cars for a while before going on the computer to play his recordings off his spy pen. He stayed on there for a bit and after lunch Munch decided to watch the 1st film from his Trilogy of Spy Kid film’s. He is now upstairs on the landing with all the empty box’s from yesterday, his Spy Recording Pen and some binoculars. I am going to make the most of it and make a coffee and put my feet up and watch some TV that I want to watch for a moment.

Well Munch was upstairs for almost 2 hours in the end, and what was he doing, making things with the box’s!!!!

We put on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory which I have to say Munch watched and I dozed through, towards the end, I woke up and felt very sick and was very sick!!! Don’t know what that was about and I have been fine since.

We had dinner, then bath and downstairs just as daddy came in from work, Munch was very excited to see him and wanted to have a game of Junior Monopoly instead of TV, so we all started to play, we put a 1/2 hour limit on the game as it was getting on, all was going well, we were having a very merry time, Munch was being very funny and all 3 of us were having a good laugh when Munch didn’t get the number he wanted on the dice, so he shouted and cried and hit daddy on the head, he was told it was not allowed and step, which set him off even more, as he would not go to the step, we said that the game was being put away and he still had to do his time on the step and I took him by the arm and lead him to the step, which just made him hit out and kick at me, normally I would send him up to his room for a longer period, but as it was almost bedtime I continued with the step, told him very firmly that the behaviour is not allowed and he sat and did his 7 minutes.

Step time finished and it was supper and bed, he was back to being a happy chappy, and went to be with any fuse.

Another good day, a couple of very minor incidents compared to what we used to get and we are thankful for how far we have come with our wonderful son.

Switching on The Christmas Lights

The day started of well, the play therapist came and her thing, I could hear them in the living room and thing’s seemed a lot calmer than they had been the week before, when finished daddy took Munch to school and we had our usual catch up, this week we talked a lot about helping him to manage things.

I picked Munch up from school and we went straight to our local shopping centre where they were having the grand switching on of the christmas lights. This was something out of the norm for Munch and when we arrived he found it very difficult to cope with, he did his usual thing when he feels out of control, he wanted to go home, then he didn’t, we were going to eat he didn’t want to then he did, he moaned about the restaurants, so I took control and told him that if he was unable to cope we would go home we would not spend all evening with him being as awkward as he could, so I just said to the car now, and marched him back to the car, all the way protested that he didn’t want to go home, I did not respond, I just kep going until we got to the car, opened the door and told him to get in, once he was in, I spoke to him and said that his behaviour that he had been displaying was not allowed and he could decide now whether he wanted to carry on or if he could stop we would go and see the lights, if he decided to stay, if I had to speak to him once more we would go straight home no second chance, he chose to stay, and I think this help him to regulate himself as we had a couple of little moans, but nothing major.

We went to Frankie and Benny’s to eat Munch’s choice, read him the kids menu, don’t know why really as he chose the Spag bol, he always does. Once we had eaten we went to the market square where the events were happening, we had a look around the few stalls, Munch wanted a Santa Claus hat which he wore with pride all night, I said that he could choose something of the toy stall and he chose a mini pool table. We then went to watch what was happening on the stage, we watched some dancer’s, then Hagrid, Dumbldore and Harry Potter made an appearance, Munch was enjoying this until the sound went and he got bored so another walk around the stalls, he had a ride on one of the little ride’s, but I think after riding of the rides he went on a Chessington that Ithink he found them a bit tame. We bought some sweets to eat on the way back to the stage, there was a couple of singer’s, so we had a bit of a dance and sing along, hen Santa, Rudolf and Jack Frost came along and did a bit on stage, towards the end of their bit I think MUnch was getting a bit bored and asked if we could go, but as thee was only about 5 or 10 minutes until the switch on I said we should stay, we joined in the big count down and on came the few light bulbs, there was a lovely firework display which Munch enjoyed, then it was back with the crowds to the car, As we were walking back and we were looking at the lights Munch said “see mummy, I told you they were going o be rubbish” and he wasn’t far of the mark.

Once home Munch wanted to play a game of pool whilst having his supper which we did, the pool game was absolute market rubbish, but Munch really enjoyed it so that was the main thing. Game went on till after bedtime, so straight up, teeth and bed, we had a hug and kiss good-night, when kissing  Munch, I smothered his face all over and kept going, he was really giggling, when we said good nigh he said “that was great fun”. Later on when I looked in on him, Munch was fast asleep wearing his Claus hat, looking even cuter, if that’s possible, than ever.

 

So Begin’s The Week

This morning Munch was still asleep when I go up so I left him in bed for a while. The morning was very pleasant and we got to school all in good spirits.

After school we once home we did Munch’s reading, he was not in a cooperative mood, so I told him to read it as he wanted to and that I would just write in the book how he had read, he was mumbling his words, saying them very quietly, missing out whole lines and making out he was unable to read some words that I know he know’s, I just did not rise to it and told him again what I was going to write, half way through, he gave up and read well, no point not reading well when it is not getting you the attention he wants. I wrote what I said I was going to in his book, which will be a good deterrent in future as he does not like to look bad at school. Reading finished we did some subtraction’s which he did well and some spelling’s which I myself have decided to start doing with him as his spelling is appalling and I feel that he needs help, so I am going to start off with 5 words a week and see how we go.

Once all that was out-of-the-way we did Munch’s special time play, this is where we play what Munch wants to  do, and I do what he wants, he is totally in control, the theory is if we give him this time of control, he will feel less like he has to try to take control at other times. I had on the request of the play therapist I had bought Munch a tube of Lego today to add to his already very large collection of Lego, Munch had spotted this so wanted to play with it, I took my lead from him and built what he asked me to, whilst building himself, he kept getting very annoyed with himself when things were not going as he wanted them to, he started hitting himself and saying he was an idiot, I kept saying to him he was doing really well, that the good thing about Lego was that if it was not right you can change it and build it stronger, we had a few episode, but with lots of reassurance he got through them, they were all direct at himself. When we had finished he carried on playing with the Lego on his own.

Tea, bath, and bedtime routine went well, I sat on Munch’s bed and he cuddled in whilst having his story and he asked for 5 minutes snuggle time afterwards which I gladly did, we did our cream after that, lots of massaging in his cream, lovely hug and kisses, wow, lots of positive touch this evening, and one happy mummy.

Day 2 of Mummy Gets Tough

The morning started well, we got up a bit later than normal as because of consequence which were put in place because of Munch’s behaviour the morning before. I will point out that these were before the play therapist had been and I started our almost supper-nanny like regime, I had said that is what was going to happen and as Munch remembers everything I needed to follow them through. So breakfast at the table no TV, that had been for jumping on daddy the previous morning, dressed over shop to buy crisps for film club this evening, car, school, easy.

As Munch had film club I did not have to pick him up until 4.45pm, bliss. Once in the car Munch said about making a lead for his little dog which we said that we would do together, I had not been able to get out to get the ribbon to make it and said so and that if I went out the next day I would see if I could get it, que Munch shouting at me aggressively and saying tha I had lied, I did the that is a very rude voice, that is not allowed, firmly and he was told to hang up his coat hen step as soon as he got in.

Once we got in that’s what he did, once finished he practiced his reading for assemble the following day and did his homework which I am pleased to say he is now putting a bit of effort into as before he never wanted to do it and it would be very rushed. Munch’s writing is very untidy, and his spelling is terrible, so I am thinking of doing some work on that myself at home with him once or twice a week. I shall keep up our regime and once he is getting into a better state of mind around his control issues I will start.

As he did not have long until  bath time Munch was allowed to use the computer until his dinner was ready, he had one more episode of rude talking and time out, then dinner, bath, straight to supper with no TV tonight, another of his consequences from the previous morning. Munch has got into a very bad habit of not brushing his teeth properly, so I am trying to encourage him, tonight he was repeatedly asked to brush them properly, and continued not to, so he lost the next mornings TV again.

We ead a story that the PT had lent us about a cross crocodile who was in pain and how a little mouse came and took away his pain and held it for him then buried it, I altered the wording a little to reflect the pain that Munch carries around with him and how we help to take it away, but using the character’s in the story, Munch really cuddled up to me whilst I was reading it which he still finds very hard to do so is lovely for me when he does, and he wanted me to sit back on his bed so that he could sit on me and have a cuddle afterwards, which is another rare but good when it happens occurence. We did cream water and cuddle, did not quiet manage the kisses tonight, but there’s always tomorrow. Munch called down a few times afterwards, then eventually sleep.

In addition to above, I spoke to both our SW and Munch’s SW today, we are worried about the fact that we only have 3 more sessions with the play therapist and we feel that we need more, if only for support for us. Munch’s SW has said tha he will try to speak to he PT so that he is able to go back to their funding panel for more funding, so fingers crossed.