A Year Ago Today…..

Well a year ago today we met our wonderful gorgeous Munch for the very 1st time.

2 years and a couple of weeks from filling in a form online requesting information from our Agency Childlink on a night-shift at work our dreams were finally coming true.

Oh what a day that was, and what a rollercoaster of a year we have had.

There have been incredible high’s, and extremely bad low points, but the one thing for sure it is the best thing we have ever done, and we would not change our son for the world.

Looking back on the year, the 1st few months were the most surreal time ever. We played at being a family for a long time, Munch spent the 1st 12 weeks, doing and saying what he thought we wanted him to do, he tried to be very controlling, and it was like living with a stranger. He did thing’s that drove me potty, and even little things annoyed me that ordinarily would not.

I don’t think however much you prepare yourself, the reality of living with a child who has lived with severe trauma in their lives, especially when they do not see it as that as that has been the norm for them for so long is bloody hard work. Also, as much as you read and re-read their CPR’s, listen to everything all the professionals tell you, what their FC’s who know them best at the time they are moving on to you tell you, and you read forum’s on adoption by people who have been and are parenting traumatized children, there is always that small part of you that thinks it’s not going to be like that for you and your family.

12 weeks in we met with the FC’s, we were not able to do it sooner because of personal reason’s on the FC’s part, it was like a light when on in Munch’s head that this was it he was not going back, and things changed for the worst, we had terrible meltdowns that got longer and longer and more frequent, till they were lasting for hours and on a daily basis. I have been hit and kicked, had cloths ripped, been spat at, the language was very blue.

Afterwards he would be so ashamed of himself and would claw at his face, hit himself and call himself all sorts of names, it was horrible to see, and all this time we could not touch him, he would scream if we did, so we had non of the hugs and kisses that you dream of giving your children.

Munch and hubby clashed dreadfully and I felt like I could not leave them alone together, 3 times hubby walked out and said he was not coming back.

In July when Munch’s LA were expecting us to put in for our Adoption Order at our 3 review, we refused to do it, what we said was that we were 110% behind Munch, so were there fore sore it as our duty to him to fight to get him the help he needed.

In September, we started Play Therapy with a lady who worked for our local LA and has she been a godsend to us, she has changed our lives around, yes we have still had our problem’s, and when I child has had such a difficult start in life as our son had, we know we can never ever take away his past and that we can expect to have times which will be hard we are so thankful for what she has done for our family.

So into our 2nd year as a family we go and we could not be happier, I now love listening to Munch and daddy together, it has been a long hard slog, but I am so looking forward to our future together.

Week 9

Well 2 weeks has passed and we had our SW visit on Monday. As far as we can tell it went very well.

On the Friday before they visited our SW visited we went through R’s CPR and came up with a list of questions that we wanted to ask. It was very useful our SW coming to see us just before the visit as it was all still fresh in our minds on Monday.

On the Monday, our SW met the 2 SW for lunch before that came here. They arrived just after 1 and stayed until just after 4, so 3 hours in total. They began by talking about R, then asked us for our questions. When talking to us about him, the SW had answered a lot of our questions, so we asked what we could,and a few more that sprang to mind whilst we were talking. The other SW then asked us some questions, which on the whole were not to bad.

We then did the tour of the house, after that we just had another cup of tea and chatted informally. Our SW asked if they had anymore photo’s or a DVD. The SW said that he had some back at his office (a couple of hundred miles away!). They then got into a discussion about lending the FC a DVD recorder that they had to make one for us!!! A good sign I hope.

The LA that R is from have a 2 week policy before giving you an answer so that if we have anymore questions we can ask them and also to give them plenty of time to come to the right decision. I think it’s going to be a very long 2 weeks!

I had an email today off our SW, she had emailed one of the SW’s to say that we had been very positive about the match after they had left, and she emailed back to say that they had both liked us and were going to use the 2 weeks to make sure that they make the right choice for R.

I will update when we have some news, everything that can be crossed is crossed. Hopefully when I come back I can add a count down to matching panel tickerSmile

Week 3

Not to much to add this week. We have spoken to our SW a couple of times and she has been busy on our behalves. I am going on holiday this weekend with my mother and niece, so will not blog next week it will be in 2 weeks time the next one.
We got our first CPR to read at the end of last week, will say more in a moment when I do the children and that really is it on the adoption front for this week.
The Children
Boy R5 – our SW has received his CPR and is going to read through it and pass it on to us later in the week if she thinks that he could be right for us. So we are waiting on that.
Boy J8 – Our Sw received a call from this little boys SW asking if we would be interested in having a look. We looked at his flyer, and I had seen this child in the publication’s. I read his CPR and hubby started to read it, but I think that we know from the start that he was not for us. It was very hard and I think being the first CPR that we had read we were wanting it to be right, but there has to be something there for you and that child/ children’s sake, so it was a very sad no.
We made a start on the small bedroom and that now has been painted, just the edges, ceiling and wood work to be done. We can then move what furniture is going to go in there in.
Hubby has also made a start on tidying up the front.
I have had a good clear out of my shoes, it was a very sad day for me as i love my shoes, but I had so many they were practically taking up a whole double wardrobe. They are now down to only half a wardrobe!!!
Weighed in this morning. I am the same weight as last week, whilst disappointed not to have lost, really the way that I ate last week I am luck not to have put on!!!
Not hoping to have lost at the next weight in 2 weeks with being away and them my mum and niece are coming back to stay the following week. Oh god it can only get worse.
Will update again in 2 weeks after my week in Devon xx