A Year Ago Today…..

Well a year ago today we met our wonderful gorgeous Munch for the very 1st time.

2 years and a couple of weeks from filling in a form online requesting information from our Agency Childlink on a night-shift at work our dreams were finally coming true.

Oh what a day that was, and what a rollercoaster of a year we have had.

There have been incredible high’s, and extremely bad low points, but the one thing for sure it is the best thing we have ever done, and we would not change our son for the world.

Looking back on the year, the 1st few months were the most surreal time ever. We played at being a family for a long time, Munch spent the 1st 12 weeks, doing and saying what he thought we wanted him to do, he tried to be very controlling, and it was like living with a stranger. He did thing’s that drove me potty, and even little things annoyed me that ordinarily would not.

I don’t think however much you prepare yourself, the reality of living with a child who has lived with severe trauma in their lives, especially when they do not see it as that as that has been the norm for them for so long is bloody hard work. Also, as much as you read and re-read their CPR’s, listen to everything all the professionals tell you, what their FC’s who know them best at the time they are moving on to you tell you, and you read forum’s on adoption by people who have been and are parenting traumatized children, there is always that small part of you that thinks it’s not going to be like that for you and your family.

12 weeks in we met with the FC’s, we were not able to do it sooner because of personal reason’s on the FC’s part, it was like a light when on in Munch’s head that this was it he was not going back, and things changed for the worst, we had terrible meltdowns that got longer and longer and more frequent, till they were lasting for hours and on a daily basis. I have been hit and kicked, had cloths ripped, been spat at, the language was very blue.

Afterwards he would be so ashamed of himself and would claw at his face, hit himself and call himself all sorts of names, it was horrible to see, and all this time we could not touch him, he would scream if we did, so we had non of the hugs and kisses that you dream of giving your children.

Munch and hubby clashed dreadfully and I felt like I could not leave them alone together, 3 times hubby walked out and said he was not coming back.

In July when Munch’s LA were expecting us to put in for our Adoption Order at our 3 review, we refused to do it, what we said was that we were 110% behind Munch, so were there fore sore it as our duty to him to fight to get him the help he needed.

In September, we started Play Therapy with a lady who worked for our local LA and has she been a godsend to us, she has changed our lives around, yes we have still had our problem’s, and when I child has had such a difficult start in life as our son had, we know we can never ever take away his past and that we can expect to have times which will be hard we are so thankful for what she has done for our family.

So into our 2nd year as a family we go and we could not be happier, I now love listening to Munch and daddy together, it has been a long hard slog, but I am so looking forward to our future together.

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Another Lovely Normal day

Munch came into our room at exactly 9am this morning, he got in with us for 5 minutes before we all got up and had breakfast. Daddy went to work and Munch asked if we could play his Junior Monopoly, I said I would that I would play for an hour as I had a few things I wanted to catch up with today I set the timer for 60 minutes as I find this works very well with Munch, I will give him a warning tha we have 5 minutes left and then when the alarm goes he will finish what he is doing, where as with out it can be very hard work to get Munch to stop. In that hour we played 3 games, I won 2 to his 1, Munch was happy about this, a big contrast to what would have happened a few months ago, when he would not of coped with loosing at all.

Whilst I got on with what I needed to do Munch 1st played upstairs for a while, then came down and played Lego for a while. Then he was upstairs he was making me smile as he had made himself as stage out of his storage boxes and was playing his guitar, whilst banging his drum with his foot and singing loudly into his microphone, I think the X Factor has a lot to answer for!!!

We popped out to pick up something for dinner as I though we were going to grampy’s today I had got nothing in for Sunday lunch, in the Super market Munch pushed me, when he bumped himself on the basket so when we got in he did 7 minutes on the step, then he chose to watch a Lassie film, he started off well but got a bit bored with it,  I had to remind him several times that on Sunday afternoon’s we have wind down time, by the time the film had finished daddy was home and had gone upstairs to watch West Ham on the TV, Munch went up for a while and watched it with daddy, they then came and played Junior Monopoly again. Munch was very keen that we had a ‘family’ game of Monopoly.

We had a very late dinner tonight, then Munch had a bath and straight down for supper, he was in a fabulous mood and was laughing and joking with daddy. He gave daddy a big hug, as we were running late it is a school night, Munch had to choose 1 of either, story, snuggle or cream. He chose snuggle, just after we had got ourselves all comfy and snuggled on the bed, he decided he needed to go and fetch daddy to join in snuggle time because he loved him, ah. Daddy came and we all had snuggle time together then hugs and kisses goodnight, not long after we were down Munch called to say he felt sick and had a headache could he sleep in our room, no was the answer, lay down quietly said I and go to sleep, 5 minutes later and he had 1 of his nose bleeds, this was his way of getting attention, at least it was because he wanted to be with us tonight and not because of stress.

Something has changed within Munch in the last couple of day’s, he seems so much more settled, he is very family orientated and is talking about our family and doing family thing’s and it seem’s to me that the happiness and laughing is as if he is accepting and realising that we are his family, I have lost count of the time’s he has told us that he loves us, listened to him singing away to himself, how he loves his mama, how he loves the dog. I will take this for as long as it lasts, and we will drink in every moment of it.