First Ever Proper Hug!

We had a bit of a lay in this morning as we did not have such an early start, morning went well, Munch even went upstairs, did teeth and dressed himself on his own, and was very pleased with himself to.

He had a very good session with the play therapist, he chose to make bead necklaces, all of which represented his time here. The PT said that he was like a different child today, he worked well with her, he was able to accept things like praise, we then had our session, which was just a general catch up really. So all in all very good, we did the questionnaire we did before we started play therapy which showed the improvement we have made.

Daddy picked Munch up from school today and I nipped to the shop at the same time, they were back before me and as I walked through the door Munch shouted mummy’s home and threw himself at me and gave me the biggest cuddle, what a break through, things that other families so take for grant, something I have never had in the 10 months Munch has been home, a proper heart-felt hug, I could have cried right then, but I managed not to which is good for me.

Daddy took charge of our home from school routine, and boy could you tell it was a rare thing for daddy to do, Munch decided he wasn’t getting changed, so daddy let him stay in his school cloths, I did not interfere because Munch would have jumped on that immediately, then reading, Munch was like he used to be with me and still does occasionally, mumbling, missing lines out, not knowing easy words, daddy just said finish that page, much to Munch’s puzzlement, daddy then wrote in Munch’s reading diary that he had been uncooperative and not read well, Munch really does not like this, so I am sure next time he is reading with daddy he will remember and read properly.

Daddy took the dog for his evening walk, Munch was going to go on his bike, but at the last-minute decided not to, I was busy doing dinner so Munch sat drawing at the kitchen table, we were talking and Munch decided to speak rudely to me, usual speech and step, MUnch pushed me on the way to the step, so I told him firmly that I would not be pushed and for him to go to his room, he said he would not, I said fine, which I think confused him because he immediately said ok then and off he went. He called down to ask how long he had to stay there, until dinner time said I, could he go in our room asked him, no said I and he stayed up till dinner time.

After dinner Munch and daddy went to the shop’s to get Munch’s crisp’s for film club tomorrow, once back Munch went on the computer until it was time for Beaver’s. Afterwards it was supper and bed yet another lovely hug and goodnight kisses, and a very happy mummy.

Tonight I have been colouring the grey roots!! Munch was talking to me as I was doing it, he asked to sleep in our bed, no was my answer, but mummy said Munch, it would be much better for the environment, he does make me laugh sometimes.

Here’s Monday

Well considering Munch had such a late night last night, when I got up this morning with a struggle I might add, he was already awake watching his TV in bed. He was in a very jolly mood, and by the time he went to school we all had nicknames,he was sleepy moo moo as that is what I had called him when calling him downstairs, daddy was hedgehog the frog and mine was clumsy the monkey, the dog was eat all the food, he though this was very amusing and we go called by those names all morning and if I didn’t call him sleepy moo moo, I was reminded to.

This morning I received a phone call from the reviewing officer to say that the review we were having on Wednesday had to be cancelled as Munch’s SW has to go to court, it is now re-booked for the following Wednesday, I phoned our SW to let her know and she can’t do that date as she is on A/L and out of the country, she did phone the reviewing officer but they could no do it any earlier than mid December, which the reviewing officer felt that with our issues with therapy was too late, someones on our side!!! So it will go ahead next Wednesday with out our SW, she will do a report, what we did decide today was though to still do our court paper’s ready for the review, but to say that we will hold sending them off until more funding is available for Munch’s Play Therapy, we can’t wait to send them of but it’s not about us it’s about getting the best help we can for our son, and in the grand scheme of thing’s what is a few weeks.

We had a quiet evening tonight been as he had such a late night last night, only one incident where he was rude to me and got sent to the step, he was not happy about this and kicked and hit out at me, so I sent him to his bedroom and told him I will not be hit or kicked and that he could stay in his bedroom until tea, which he did and behaved like an angel for the rest of the night.

SW’s Visit – 17/11

We had a good morning today, I had told Munch the previous evening that his SW was visiting today as it ment that he was unable to stay to film club after school. We had stopped telling him before his SW visited and we normally only tell him now when we pick him up from school when his SW is already here as the first couple of times he visited Munch was awake all night before with pains in his legs. Munch had slept all night so that was good.

We were not only having a visit from Munch’s SW but our SW was coming to as we have our 4th review next week, our SW was coming a bit before so that we could discuss anything we needed to before Munch’s SW arrived. In the mean time we received a phone call from Munch’s school to say that he had really bad nose bleed and what should they do!!!! I explained to them that his was one of Munch’s big trick’s when he is stress about anything, when he was 1st here we used to get up to his bedroom wall looking like a massacure had taken part in his bedroom, he would plaster his walls by his bed in blood, I was a bit annoyed, the fact that we had no leg pains last night, it was his way of showing his stress, person who I was talking to went and spoke to person dealing with Munch and came back and said, no he had not made I bleed himself, to which I said that he is very clever in how he does it,  I have seen him make it pour in front of me on more han one occasions when he has not been able to deal with a situation. They asked me what I wanted to do, he is at school with you what do you want me to do!!!!! Person said that they would speak to the head teacher and phone back, by now Munch’s SW had phoned early to say that he was at the station, so off when daddy to pick him up, our SW then turned up, so not much time to talk to her about anything before the other one turned up, and then the head teacher phoned to say that Munch was looking very pale  so it would be best if we picked him up, this I was not pleased with as giving Munch’s track record I have visions of a nose bleed every time something is happening he is not keen on at school. I told her that I was just waiting for the SW to turn up and we would be there when we could. We took the opportunity to have 10 minutes all together when daddy and SW got back then daddy went and fetched Munch.

Before fetching Munch we managed to talk about his SW applying for more funding for he play therapy and us having our papers ready so that everyone in agreement we can put our papers in to court he very next day, yipee!!!!

Munch and daddy turned up, Munch looked far from pale and put on a great show with his pool table, wanted to wash his nose asap, which they had not been willing to do a school. One very happy to be home child, able to listen to everything that was being said. The good thing that came out of it was that, Munch having been seen by his SW,  off when said SW nice and early, he had booked into a hotel for the night as he always does, so was having a nice early finish.

Sw’s gone, Munch wanted to play with his Lego with daddy, he was very obviously on a Knife edge though after the visit and some of our biggest meltdowns have been post SW visits, he was in one of his contrary moods, and it was obvious that it did not mater what anybody did it was going to be wrong, in the end I just said you are being very rude all the time, it is not allowed, step. He was not happy, banged on the door, made lots of noise for he 1st couple of minutes then just sat on the step. This seemed to regulate him though and he and daddy had a great time with the Lego up until dinner.

After his bath Munch was allowed to have his supper and drink in the living room whilst watching TV for a one-off. Upstairs straight after for story, but Munch, kept interupting and messing around so story book got put away, we then did snuggle time, but when time was up he would not move hen was very hyper and I had to leave the room with hug or kiss, just I good night, I waited for it and a few minutes later got he call fo a hug and a kiss, which I went up and we had. Quiet at last.

Switching on The Christmas Lights

The day started of well, the play therapist came and her thing, I could hear them in the living room and thing’s seemed a lot calmer than they had been the week before, when finished daddy took Munch to school and we had our usual catch up, this week we talked a lot about helping him to manage things.

I picked Munch up from school and we went straight to our local shopping centre where they were having the grand switching on of the christmas lights. This was something out of the norm for Munch and when we arrived he found it very difficult to cope with, he did his usual thing when he feels out of control, he wanted to go home, then he didn’t, we were going to eat he didn’t want to then he did, he moaned about the restaurants, so I took control and told him that if he was unable to cope we would go home we would not spend all evening with him being as awkward as he could, so I just said to the car now, and marched him back to the car, all the way protested that he didn’t want to go home, I did not respond, I just kep going until we got to the car, opened the door and told him to get in, once he was in, I spoke to him and said that his behaviour that he had been displaying was not allowed and he could decide now whether he wanted to carry on or if he could stop we would go and see the lights, if he decided to stay, if I had to speak to him once more we would go straight home no second chance, he chose to stay, and I think this help him to regulate himself as we had a couple of little moans, but nothing major.

We went to Frankie and Benny’s to eat Munch’s choice, read him the kids menu, don’t know why really as he chose the Spag bol, he always does. Once we had eaten we went to the market square where the events were happening, we had a look around the few stalls, Munch wanted a Santa Claus hat which he wore with pride all night, I said that he could choose something of the toy stall and he chose a mini pool table. We then went to watch what was happening on the stage, we watched some dancer’s, then Hagrid, Dumbldore and Harry Potter made an appearance, Munch was enjoying this until the sound went and he got bored so another walk around the stalls, he had a ride on one of the little ride’s, but I think after riding of the rides he went on a Chessington that Ithink he found them a bit tame. We bought some sweets to eat on the way back to the stage, there was a couple of singer’s, so we had a bit of a dance and sing along, hen Santa, Rudolf and Jack Frost came along and did a bit on stage, towards the end of their bit I think MUnch was getting a bit bored and asked if we could go, but as thee was only about 5 or 10 minutes until the switch on I said we should stay, we joined in the big count down and on came the few light bulbs, there was a lovely firework display which Munch enjoyed, then it was back with the crowds to the car, As we were walking back and we were looking at the lights Munch said “see mummy, I told you they were going o be rubbish” and he wasn’t far of the mark.

Once home Munch wanted to play a game of pool whilst having his supper which we did, the pool game was absolute market rubbish, but Munch really enjoyed it so that was the main thing. Game went on till after bedtime, so straight up, teeth and bed, we had a hug and kiss good-night, when kissing  Munch, I smothered his face all over and kept going, he was really giggling, when we said good nigh he said “that was great fun”. Later on when I looked in on him, Munch was fast asleep wearing his Claus hat, looking even cuter, if that’s possible, than ever.

 

Day 2 of Mummy Gets Tough

The morning started well, we got up a bit later than normal as because of consequence which were put in place because of Munch’s behaviour the morning before. I will point out that these were before the play therapist had been and I started our almost supper-nanny like regime, I had said that is what was going to happen and as Munch remembers everything I needed to follow them through. So breakfast at the table no TV, that had been for jumping on daddy the previous morning, dressed over shop to buy crisps for film club this evening, car, school, easy.

As Munch had film club I did not have to pick him up until 4.45pm, bliss. Once in the car Munch said about making a lead for his little dog which we said that we would do together, I had not been able to get out to get the ribbon to make it and said so and that if I went out the next day I would see if I could get it, que Munch shouting at me aggressively and saying tha I had lied, I did the that is a very rude voice, that is not allowed, firmly and he was told to hang up his coat hen step as soon as he got in.

Once we got in that’s what he did, once finished he practiced his reading for assemble the following day and did his homework which I am pleased to say he is now putting a bit of effort into as before he never wanted to do it and it would be very rushed. Munch’s writing is very untidy, and his spelling is terrible, so I am thinking of doing some work on that myself at home with him once or twice a week. I shall keep up our regime and once he is getting into a better state of mind around his control issues I will start.

As he did not have long until  bath time Munch was allowed to use the computer until his dinner was ready, he had one more episode of rude talking and time out, then dinner, bath, straight to supper with no TV tonight, another of his consequences from the previous morning. Munch has got into a very bad habit of not brushing his teeth properly, so I am trying to encourage him, tonight he was repeatedly asked to brush them properly, and continued not to, so he lost the next mornings TV again.

We ead a story that the PT had lent us about a cross crocodile who was in pain and how a little mouse came and took away his pain and held it for him then buried it, I altered the wording a little to reflect the pain that Munch carries around with him and how we help to take it away, but using the character’s in the story, Munch really cuddled up to me whilst I was reading it which he still finds very hard to do so is lovely for me when he does, and he wanted me to sit back on his bed so that he could sit on me and have a cuddle afterwards, which is another rare but good when it happens occurence. We did cream water and cuddle, did not quiet manage the kisses tonight, but there’s always tomorrow. Munch called down a few times afterwards, then eventually sleep.

In addition to above, I spoke to both our SW and Munch’s SW today, we are worried about the fact that we only have 3 more sessions with the play therapist and we feel that we need more, if only for support for us. Munch’s SW has said tha he will try to speak to he PT so that he is able to go back to their funding panel for more funding, so fingers crossed.

Play Therapy Resumes

This morning started not good, Munch was difiant and deliberately doing things he was asked not to do, he know’s that daddy works until sometimes 3 or 4 am in the morning and he is not to go into our room on school day’s, I noticed him about to go in and asked him not to, 2 seconds later when my back was turned in he went and jumped on daddy, deliberately doing it as hard as he could, I immediately told him that he would have no TV in the evening, then remembered he had Beaver’s this evening so he had no TV anyway, so changed it to the following morning, later when I was getting dressed Munch went to come in the room and I said no daddy is tying to sleep so he deliberately stood out side the door singing in a very load shouting voice. So he was told that he has lost the following day’s TV.

Once downstairs I told him that even though daddy works late we never ask him to be really quiet in the mornings all we ask is that he does not go in and wake daddy up and that he does not deliberately shout at he bedroom door. Munch decided that he was not going to listen and kept trying to walk off so I gave him his 7 minutes time out. As soon as it was over he decided to push me so back for another 7 minutes time out.

In the middle of this time out the Play Therapist turned up, so she set up in the living room whilst Munch finished his time out. Munch joined her in the living room and they did their thing, I was in the kitchen and I could hear him being rude and aggressive with her like he is with us, and do you know what, I was actually glad because she was seeing it first hand.

When they had finished Munch normally has a little packet of sweets to take to school which he eats whilst daddy is driving him there, this morning I said no, as he had not behaved very well this morning. He said I have been good with PT’s, to which she never said a word, so I just said I don’t think so and off he went with daddy. Daddy said that he was quiet all the way to school which is unlike him so he knew he had over stepped the mark.

We had a good talk with the PT, I always make notes. I spoke about how over the few weeks since she had not been here he had become very rude and aggressive in the way that he talks to us, al of which she said tha he had been doing with her during their session. She said that it is his way of trying to bring back the very chaotic and extremely abusive world that he lived in for over 5 years of his life back, it is what he is used to and in a strange way how he feels safest, that we need to teach him a new way of living, she said that when he speaks to us aggressively or is name calling, or demanding, that from now on we have to say very firmly, you are being rude with your voice, that is not allowed, step, and straight onto the step for his 7 minutes. If he is aggressive as in pushing, hitting kicking, spitting making fists at people, going to kick, we have to say very firmly your body behaviour is wrong, it is not allowed, step, and 7 minutes on the step.

Whilst we were doing our 7 minutes this morning obviously she had been able to observe what we were doing, Munch tends to try to engage you in talking and say’s things to get a reaction, he also calls the dog and play’s with her, what the PT said is to sit him on he step, and that we are not to talk to him at all until his time is up, she said to take ourselves and the dog into the living room and shut the door, if he bang’s on it to ignore him, we have glass panel’s in the door, which I was worried about, as hubby said if, the panels go through, so what, make it safe ignore him until time is up. The PT also said that we need to take back control and show him we are in charge, if we are out anywhere if he does any of these behaviour we are just to come straight home, like she said sometimes it is us as the adoptive parents who suffer, eg could be at an event, party ect that we really want to be at but we have to stick to our guns and leave and straight on to the step for 7 minutes once home.

We also talked about one of the things that Munch does and that is to blame us for doing things, eg on Saturday night when daddy took him aside to talk to him Munch started to saying that daddy had sworn at him, he has said that we have banged his head on he wall when he has banged it, that I have picked him up and thrown him on the floor, always when he is in one of his shake periods, but these are just a few examples of hings he will say. The PT said that we need to stop nip this in he bud or else at some point down the line we are going to end up looking at Child Protection issues. So what she has told us to do is we have suspended Munch’s star chart for the time being and we now have a When Munch Blames chart, we have to make it very clear to him that it is a terrible thing to blamed, and that is what we have to say to him, under the title it has the 2 words voice and body, if he says that somebody has done something with their voice ie swear, we put 1v on he chart, if he says someone does some thing with their body ie hit we write 1b on the chart, it is a way of showing him what he is doing, us away of seeing how often he does this, and when he does it we have to say it is a terrible thing to blame someone for doing…. and step again. On the bottom of the chart we have written What Happen’s : STEP, so that he know’s.

Anyway I picked Munch up from school, whilst walking to the car told him what was happening this evening, and that included, siting at the table and talking through our Blame Chart, and rude voice and body behaviour being wrong and what the consequence of these action’s was going to be.

At home Munch changed, did his reading, then for the big talk, whilst talking about his Blame Chart, he said like the time you punched me in the face and my tooth fell out!!!!, straight away, blame is a terrible thing, step. I will just add at this point I did anciently knock his tooth out in the playground, it was a very wobbly tooth that was about to come out and I was pretending to steal a kiss. 7 minutes up one 1b added o the chart and on with our talk we continued, whilst telling him about the rude with his voice and that included telling people to shut up or making zip actions across his mouth, he made a zip it action across his mouth, that is being rude with your voice, that is not allowed step, another 7 minutes!!! After that we managed to finish our talk.

We then went o do Munch’s special time play, which is all about him taking control, this is good as it gives him his time to have control, giving him this in theory is supposed to lessen their need for control at other times, not what given our talk I would have chosen to do but this had been decided the day before so that is what  did. Munch wanted to play Connect 4 which he played well, for a while then started to get very whinny and nothing was right and twisting things, it was near the end of our time so I just said that if he was no playing properly I was going to do the dinner, to which I got shouted out, que you are being rude with your voice, that is not allowed, step, me and dog in living room again. When time was up I came out to do the dinner and asked Munch to go and play, to which he started to push me, que your body behaviour is all wrong, that is not allowed, step. Me and dog back in the living room, this time he came into the livingroom laughing, I replaced him back on the step and stood up against the door, Munch was banging constantly on the door but I ignored it till time was up. As soon as I came out of the living room he started to hit me, que usual spiel, you must have it by now and back on step, this time he banged on the door a little while then gave up and sat until his time was up.

Whilst doing the dinner, I asked Munch to play in the living room or his bedroom which he did for a while then came into the kitchen, I said I was not prepared for him to be playing around in he kitchen whilst I was preparing dinner if he wanted to stay he needed to get a one of his colouring books to do on the table to which he did and sat and talked pleasantly, he ate dinner nicely, then off to Beaver’s

Once home supper and bedtime went without incident.

Feeling Sad

This morning went ok and off to school went Munch without a hitch.

When I picked him up we had the proof for our 1st solo school photo, they had a class photo last term. It is lovely now to decide which pack to buy. Munch finally managed to bring a reading book home which he read really well, although I do have to say it was a very easy one for him, so I have commented on the fact in our book we write how hey have done in. We then did some jigsaw puzzles together, Munch did them well, but all the time he was doing them he had attitude, telling me not to do things and generally being very stroppy and trying to be controlling. We finished our puzzles and Munch went of to use the computer.

Rest of the evening went as normal until after I had got Munch out of the bath, he likes to lie on his bed and be dried and helped into his pyjamas, all him regressing back to things that he missed out on when he was younger, today though he screamed and shouted at me for drying his hair, so I just said that I would not be spoken to like that anymore and he was to dry and dress himself, que lots of I didn’t mean it mummy, please help me, all things that I have heard time and time again, I just said again that no I would not help him, maybe next time he would think about how he spoke to me.

Routine followed right up till the last thing we do after story and before hug and kiss good-night, I always get Munch a glass of water as I was going out of the room to fetch it he called me nasty, another thing that he does regularly, so I took a stand again and took back his glass of water, put it down and just said, good-night Munch, I am leaving the room with a hug or kiss as I am not going to be called nasty by you any more, and left again to sorry mummy didn’t mean it mummy, again, heard it all before. I just firmly said no, maybe next time you will think before you call anybody names.

A little after Munch called down, something he will do when things are playing on his mind and asked for cream, a lile ritual we do some evening, especially if he needs reassuring, I started putting he cream on his fingers as we do and again he was aggressive in he way that he asked, or rather told me to do something. So I just put the cream down and said tha I would not continue after being spoken to like that, again with the sorry and he didn’t mean it, but I left and said that i was a sad that he felt that he needed to speak to me like that when we were doing something nice and left.

Whilst writing this I have been up again as he does need that reassurance after incidents like this hat things are ok, hopefully he is now going to sleep.

I think on reflection tonight, I have realised how much he does speak to us constantly like that, and talking to hubby we feel that we need to start making it clear to him that it is not acceptable, he would not have dreamed of talking to his FC’s like that, and we do not want him going through life think that it is ok to talk to others like that. So if it mean’s being hard on him for a while, then that is what is going to happen. Tomorrow the Play Therapist will be visiting for one of her session’s so we shall also speak to her about it.

So Poorly

Well it has been almost a week since I last updated. We have has a strange week.

Saturday was a good day we all went out and Munch spent the remainder of his birthday money. We went home, in the evening we had a babysitter booked, this was the 3rd time we had been out and it was not a family member babysitting, the 2 previous times we had put Munch to bed as soon as the babysitter arrived, this time we allowed him to stay up to watch he end of his programme on TV, we made sure he was ready and had his supper, before she arrived so all he had to do was take himself up to bed when it finished which she said tha he did well. And we had a good night out.

Sunday daddy was going to work, but Munch asked daddy not to go, the beauties of being self-employed ment daddy was able to take the day off. We all decided to go swimming so off we went to our local pool. Munch was a bit hyper in his behaviour today, I have taken him swimming several times before, but it was daddies 1st time, daddy was really pleased because it was him that Munch wanted in the pool all the time, and I have to say I was freezing so very happy with that. We eventually got out had a bi to eat and came home.Munch watched a film all afternoon until dinner, then had a nice long bath and supper before bed, in the mean time I became really poorly all within he space of 1/2 hour, to the point I could not even read his story. Daddy went to but Munch messed around a lot and missed out on it.

Monday I tried to get up to take Munch to school but just could not., so daddy had to get him ready for school. Munch kept coming into me though and giving me hugs and kisses, something he does not do easily. After school, Munch had a straight to 3 time out for just biting daddy, he then spent most of he evening upstairs with me watching TV.

Yesterday, stared well. We picked Munch up for his play therapy at lunch time, his PT stayed afterwards to talk to us and his SW. We have now to decide if we feel we need more funding for her to carry on for a little longer. After she left we spoke to SW and everyone I think is in agreement that we should put our court papers in at the next review. The one thing his SW did say which I felt was nice as he did not have to was that he often feels guilty as he feels like he did not give us a full picture on Munch, he had been doing very well and I don’t think anyone for sore the problems we have had to face, but like we all said adoption is so different to FC and we do not feel like they withheld anything from us. He also said that he was extremely pleased and reassured by the commitment we have shown to Munch, wha else ae we going to do he is our son!!

Today has been a good day,good morning and super little boy his evening, I am feeling a little better than I was so it’s off the bed for me now.

Holiday Tomorrow

Well, as title says, we are off to Cornwall tomorrow for a week, thats me, Munch, granny and cousin. Daddy is staying home with the dogs. We have done lots of talking about it so watch this space.
Munch has just finished his 4 day football school which he has really enjoyed and was very pleased to recieve a medal at the end of it.
We have had a mixed time of it since last post, we have had some really heavy meltdown’s especially after my night away, followed by some really lovely settled periods, still with his little quirky way’s, but hay we cannot have it all!!!!
Our last 2 meltdowns have been post SW visits, the last being our 3rd review. We have said that until we have funding in place for play therapy for Munch we will not apply for our Adoption Order as we feel we owe it to him to fight his corner to get him the help he needs.
Will post again after our holiday.

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