Iffy Start, Positive Finish.

Well as we had gotten to a better place, I was only going to blog every now and again, but things seem to have taken a backwards step at the moment, I am not surprised. We had such a good period over Christmas, it had to come out at some point, and then we have also had our 1st anniversary as a family, recommenced play therapy, had a big SW visit with our review and put in our papers to court, so a lot of things have happened in the last 2 weeks.

This morning did not start well, after Munch was awake until almost 10pm last night, he came in to us at 5.30 this morning, I sent him back to bed, but he put his light on and I could hear him moving around, he kept calling out to ask if it was time to get up, we had that for 2 hours until we got up, then when it was time to get up Munch was to busy playing on his DS to come down for his breakfast, needless to say DS is now banned from the bedroom overnight.

When he did eventually come down Munch was full of attitude and  thought that he was being very clever answering back, he thought it was less funny when he was doing his 4th lot of time-out on the step!!!

Because of his behaviour we were late for school, the Headteacher and Deputy who happens to be the SENCO were at the door, so I had a quick word with them to say that over the last couple of weeks Munch had regressed a bit with his behaviour, I always keep them up to speed with what is happening a home and why, I in tun have asked them to tell us of anything in school. They then informed me that they have had a few issues with Munch in school over the last couple of weeks as well, why have we not been told, I came away really annoyed and even more annoyed with myself for not asking why we had not been told, anyway I will be having a word with Munch’s class teacher in the morning, so will have to not get there to early so Munch is further down the que and cannot hear what I am saying.

This evening went better, but only I think because Munch had lost an hour and a half off his bedtime time so he did no have so long to wind me up, and also I jumped on any of his stroppy or controlling behaviour before it had chance to develop.

We did his reading, he reads well but can mess around, I told him if he messed around he would have no TV after bath, that cured him!!! After reading, I asked him to do something, to be told don’t speak to me like that, to which I told him, I am the adult here and you are the child, and you are not allowed to speak to me like that – step. Whilst on the step, he very half heartedly kicked out at the dog, that got him sent up to his room.

When he came down, his whole mood had lightened and I tried hard to match it, we had a very pleasant tea together, when Munch got out of the bath we had a lovely time drying him, he still likes very much to be babied after his bath due to missing out on these experiences when he was a baby, the play therapist has said that it is very good to take him back and let him experience the things he missed out on, so that’s what we do.

He had his 1/2 TV then supper again this was great as he sat on my knee and we hugged and I sang him silly made up songs which made him laugh and this had a positive impact on our bedtime routine, he was being a bit silly through story so I stopped before things went back into a negative and so we could end the day on a positive note.

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Play Therapy Resumes

This morning started not good, Munch was difiant and deliberately doing things he was asked not to do, he know’s that daddy works until sometimes 3 or 4 am in the morning and he is not to go into our room on school day’s, I noticed him about to go in and asked him not to, 2 seconds later when my back was turned in he went and jumped on daddy, deliberately doing it as hard as he could, I immediately told him that he would have no TV in the evening, then remembered he had Beaver’s this evening so he had no TV anyway, so changed it to the following morning, later when I was getting dressed Munch went to come in the room and I said no daddy is tying to sleep so he deliberately stood out side the door singing in a very load shouting voice. So he was told that he has lost the following day’s TV.

Once downstairs I told him that even though daddy works late we never ask him to be really quiet in the mornings all we ask is that he does not go in and wake daddy up and that he does not deliberately shout at he bedroom door. Munch decided that he was not going to listen and kept trying to walk off so I gave him his 7 minutes time out. As soon as it was over he decided to push me so back for another 7 minutes time out.

In the middle of this time out the Play Therapist turned up, so she set up in the living room whilst Munch finished his time out. Munch joined her in the living room and they did their thing, I was in the kitchen and I could hear him being rude and aggressive with her like he is with us, and do you know what, I was actually glad because she was seeing it first hand.

When they had finished Munch normally has a little packet of sweets to take to school which he eats whilst daddy is driving him there, this morning I said no, as he had not behaved very well this morning. He said I have been good with PT’s, to which she never said a word, so I just said I don’t think so and off he went with daddy. Daddy said that he was quiet all the way to school which is unlike him so he knew he had over stepped the mark.

We had a good talk with the PT, I always make notes. I spoke about how over the few weeks since she had not been here he had become very rude and aggressive in the way that he talks to us, al of which she said tha he had been doing with her during their session. She said that it is his way of trying to bring back the very chaotic and extremely abusive world that he lived in for over 5 years of his life back, it is what he is used to and in a strange way how he feels safest, that we need to teach him a new way of living, she said that when he speaks to us aggressively or is name calling, or demanding, that from now on we have to say very firmly, you are being rude with your voice, that is not allowed, step, and straight onto the step for his 7 minutes. If he is aggressive as in pushing, hitting kicking, spitting making fists at people, going to kick, we have to say very firmly your body behaviour is wrong, it is not allowed, step, and 7 minutes on the step.

Whilst we were doing our 7 minutes this morning obviously she had been able to observe what we were doing, Munch tends to try to engage you in talking and say’s things to get a reaction, he also calls the dog and play’s with her, what the PT said is to sit him on he step, and that we are not to talk to him at all until his time is up, she said to take ourselves and the dog into the living room and shut the door, if he bang’s on it to ignore him, we have glass panel’s in the door, which I was worried about, as hubby said if, the panels go through, so what, make it safe ignore him until time is up. The PT also said that we need to take back control and show him we are in charge, if we are out anywhere if he does any of these behaviour we are just to come straight home, like she said sometimes it is us as the adoptive parents who suffer, eg could be at an event, party ect that we really want to be at but we have to stick to our guns and leave and straight on to the step for 7 minutes once home.

We also talked about one of the things that Munch does and that is to blame us for doing things, eg on Saturday night when daddy took him aside to talk to him Munch started to saying that daddy had sworn at him, he has said that we have banged his head on he wall when he has banged it, that I have picked him up and thrown him on the floor, always when he is in one of his shake periods, but these are just a few examples of hings he will say. The PT said that we need to stop nip this in he bud or else at some point down the line we are going to end up looking at Child Protection issues. So what she has told us to do is we have suspended Munch’s star chart for the time being and we now have a When Munch Blames chart, we have to make it very clear to him that it is a terrible thing to blamed, and that is what we have to say to him, under the title it has the 2 words voice and body, if he says that somebody has done something with their voice ie swear, we put 1v on he chart, if he says someone does some thing with their body ie hit we write 1b on the chart, it is a way of showing him what he is doing, us away of seeing how often he does this, and when he does it we have to say it is a terrible thing to blame someone for doing…. and step again. On the bottom of the chart we have written What Happen’s : STEP, so that he know’s.

Anyway I picked Munch up from school, whilst walking to the car told him what was happening this evening, and that included, siting at the table and talking through our Blame Chart, and rude voice and body behaviour being wrong and what the consequence of these action’s was going to be.

At home Munch changed, did his reading, then for the big talk, whilst talking about his Blame Chart, he said like the time you punched me in the face and my tooth fell out!!!!, straight away, blame is a terrible thing, step. I will just add at this point I did anciently knock his tooth out in the playground, it was a very wobbly tooth that was about to come out and I was pretending to steal a kiss. 7 minutes up one 1b added o the chart and on with our talk we continued, whilst telling him about the rude with his voice and that included telling people to shut up or making zip actions across his mouth, he made a zip it action across his mouth, that is being rude with your voice, that is not allowed step, another 7 minutes!!! After that we managed to finish our talk.

We then went o do Munch’s special time play, which is all about him taking control, this is good as it gives him his time to have control, giving him this in theory is supposed to lessen their need for control at other times, not what given our talk I would have chosen to do but this had been decided the day before so that is what  did. Munch wanted to play Connect 4 which he played well, for a while then started to get very whinny and nothing was right and twisting things, it was near the end of our time so I just said that if he was no playing properly I was going to do the dinner, to which I got shouted out, que you are being rude with your voice, that is not allowed, step, me and dog in living room again. When time was up I came out to do the dinner and asked Munch to go and play, to which he started to push me, que your body behaviour is all wrong, that is not allowed, step. Me and dog back in the living room, this time he came into the livingroom laughing, I replaced him back on the step and stood up against the door, Munch was banging constantly on the door but I ignored it till time was up. As soon as I came out of the living room he started to hit me, que usual spiel, you must have it by now and back on step, this time he banged on the door a little while then gave up and sat until his time was up.

Whilst doing the dinner, I asked Munch to play in the living room or his bedroom which he did for a while then came into the kitchen, I said I was not prepared for him to be playing around in he kitchen whilst I was preparing dinner if he wanted to stay he needed to get a one of his colouring books to do on the table to which he did and sat and talked pleasantly, he ate dinner nicely, then off to Beaver’s

Once home supper and bedtime went without incident.