A day That Ended In Tear’s, Munch’s and Mine.

Well after being in bed by 7pm last night Munch slept right through till 8am, not a peep did we hear all night.

Munch was in a very good mood all morning and I didn’t have to niggle at him once!!!

After school was a different matter, he was full of attitude when I picked him up, was not listening to anything and before we had even got to the car he had earned himself a time on the step.

Once in straight on the step, then we did his reading which he did well and we were going to do one of his 2 pieces of home work but ended up doing them both, so at least they are out-of-the-way until Friday.

After that I asked Munch what he was going to do, but he was very cheeky so got sent to the step again, even whilst on the step he was being cheeky, so ended up being sent to his bedroom, where I left him until dinner time.

After dinner Munch had his computer time until bath and TV time.

All went well until he was in bed for his story, just as I was about to start reading he said, “mummy I’m going to tell Miss ——- that you punched me in the face tomorrow”, well to say I was a bit shocked and very hurt and quiet upset was a understatment, we have had a lot of blaming before, but not so blatant and after yesterday, now normally I am good at showing no emotion and ignoring, but this really got to me, so I put down his book and said well if you are going to say that I have done that to you I am not going to sit here and read you a story. He then said I wont say it, ok, so I picked up the book to start reading and as soon as I did  he immediately said, that he was going to tell his teacher that I had punched him in the face, so very un theraputically, and not the right thing to do, I asked him what he thought would happen if he told his teacher that, I said she would have to tell his SW and did he think his SW would be able to leave him with a family that punched him in the face. Oh dear, what an awful thing to say to him, now I’m angry with him and myself.

I went away to cool down, Munch followed me down the stairs, I told him to go back up, he would not so I caught hold of him by he arm and pushed him up onto the stairs, next thing he is shouting you hurt me you scratched me, he had an angry scratch along his wrist, now I cannot say for sure that I did not do it, but I had only held him by the wrist, and with his history of self harming, I am not sure. Anyway I apologised and said that I was very sorry, I did not mean to scratch him, and that if we do thing’s wrong we will say sorry, big hugs and kisses, and even now as I type he is calling, so I think we are in for a very restless night.

I am glad his play therapist is coming tomorrow as what with the incident yesterday and now this, I know she will be a big help and give us some wonderful strategies to deal with this, afterwards I will phone our SW and his just to fill them in.

Oh, the joy’s of Adoptive Parenting.

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Iffy Start, Positive Finish.

Well as we had gotten to a better place, I was only going to blog every now and again, but things seem to have taken a backwards step at the moment, I am not surprised. We had such a good period over Christmas, it had to come out at some point, and then we have also had our 1st anniversary as a family, recommenced play therapy, had a big SW visit with our review and put in our papers to court, so a lot of things have happened in the last 2 weeks.

This morning did not start well, after Munch was awake until almost 10pm last night, he came in to us at 5.30 this morning, I sent him back to bed, but he put his light on and I could hear him moving around, he kept calling out to ask if it was time to get up, we had that for 2 hours until we got up, then when it was time to get up Munch was to busy playing on his DS to come down for his breakfast, needless to say DS is now banned from the bedroom overnight.

When he did eventually come down Munch was full of attitude and  thought that he was being very clever answering back, he thought it was less funny when he was doing his 4th lot of time-out on the step!!!

Because of his behaviour we were late for school, the Headteacher and Deputy who happens to be the SENCO were at the door, so I had a quick word with them to say that over the last couple of weeks Munch had regressed a bit with his behaviour, I always keep them up to speed with what is happening a home and why, I in tun have asked them to tell us of anything in school. They then informed me that they have had a few issues with Munch in school over the last couple of weeks as well, why have we not been told, I came away really annoyed and even more annoyed with myself for not asking why we had not been told, anyway I will be having a word with Munch’s class teacher in the morning, so will have to not get there to early so Munch is further down the que and cannot hear what I am saying.

This evening went better, but only I think because Munch had lost an hour and a half off his bedtime time so he did no have so long to wind me up, and also I jumped on any of his stroppy or controlling behaviour before it had chance to develop.

We did his reading, he reads well but can mess around, I told him if he messed around he would have no TV after bath, that cured him!!! After reading, I asked him to do something, to be told don’t speak to me like that, to which I told him, I am the adult here and you are the child, and you are not allowed to speak to me like that – step. Whilst on the step, he very half heartedly kicked out at the dog, that got him sent up to his room.

When he came down, his whole mood had lightened and I tried hard to match it, we had a very pleasant tea together, when Munch got out of the bath we had a lovely time drying him, he still likes very much to be babied after his bath due to missing out on these experiences when he was a baby, the play therapist has said that it is very good to take him back and let him experience the things he missed out on, so that’s what we do.

He had his 1/2 TV then supper again this was great as he sat on my knee and we hugged and I sang him silly made up songs which made him laugh and this had a positive impact on our bedtime routine, he was being a bit silly through story so I stopped before things went back into a negative and so we could end the day on a positive note.

Starting the School Holiday as we Mean to go on!

This morning started well, we were up into party cloths for school and out, no de-icing of the car needed and we were in school on time.

I finished off  my christmas shopping today so just food which I was hoping to do tomorrow morning before Munch finished at Lunch time, but no such luck as got a text from school saying that they are finishing for Christmas holiday’s today because of the weather, I am not looking forward to shopping in Tesco’s with Munch in tow tomorrow.

Picked Munch up, out he came wearing his party hat, he had not even got to he gate before he had opened his present from school. All evening Munch has had an attitude on him, he has tried to be very controlling and I have discussed with hubby that we need to be on top over the next few day’s and routine and consistency are going to be what we have to keep up with. We will not be able to give him any room to try and take control and we need to be on top at all time, using our – not allowed – STEP.

I have had to put him on he step several times today already, and at one point when he started kicking because he had been sent to the step, he was immediately sent to his bedroom, every time he said no, I added a minute, every time  I had to asked him to go up and he didn’t I added a minute he soon got he picture and went, and in fact when his time was up he stayed up in his room playing.

We have laid down a couple of things for the holiday, 1 – that he will be allowed an hour on the computer each day, no more and 2 – he will be expected to spend at least an hour every day playing in his room or else he will be constantly under my feet and I will never get anything done.

We have had a couple of games of Junior Monopoly this evening, thank goodness I know Santa is bringing some different games for Christmas.

Hopefully once we get Christmas and the New Year over and he realises that he is staying put things will get back on track again.

Christmas and Other Thing’s Taking it’s Toll

This morning was the 2nd morning on a trot that we have gotten up and the feeder pipe to the central heating has been frozen, yesterday it did de-frost mid morning, but with today’s forecast I cannot see it de-frosting today.

I let Munch have a lay in as he was sound asleep and was not sure if school was going to be open, at 8.10 got a text to say it was definitely open so went and woke Munch up, bless him he was sound asleep and woke up a bit like he did not know what was happening, he lingered in bed for a bit before coming down, a bit teary and in one of his contrary moods, oh dear though I, here we go again, he was moaning he did not have time to eat his toast, making his load crying noises, he hit himself on the forehead with the chocolate side of his toast so he had a big chocolate patch on his head, kept saying we were going to be late, I explained once that we were not and that it was up to him if he ate his toast or not as he was the only one who would be hungry, nobody else, and left him to it and went and got dressed.

By the time I had come down stairs, his mood had completely changed he was happy, giggly and just a joy to be with, breakfast was ate, medicine taken well, TEETH, brushed beautifully!!! Dressed and we were out trying to de-frost the car, it was so cold the de-icer was not working well, when I finally got in the car the temperature was reading -6.

We got to school a few minutes late along with most other people I think, realised in the haste to get out I had forgotten Munch’s dinner money, never mind, I told them and said I would bring I when I picked him up.

Daddy picked Munch up from school, and from the moment he got in he was full on,  I think with the excitement of Christmas only being day’s away and also with all that must be going around in his little head, it is not making for a good place for him at the moment. We had a little while on the computer, then we wrote his Christmas cards for school tomorrow. All the time though, he has attitude, he was sent to sit on the step once, but he was very lucky it was only once.

As daddy was no working tonight I did Munch’s dinner, we all then had a game of Junior Monopoly, Munch was finding it hard tonight and had reverted to crying and not being able to accept some of the rules, all again I am sure because of the uncertainty he must be feeling at the moment, we just supported him and talked him through it and he became a little calmer and played nicely.

We are making sure that we talk as much as we can about things in the future, but still when you are only 7, goodness know’s what must be going through his poor little mind.

After the game had finished Munch had 1/2 hour TV before supper and bed, he is looking shattered, his cough is really beginning to take its toll on him, he was coughing much more today to the point of being sick again. What is on his chest is obviously starting to loosen up, hence his cough getting worse before it gets better.

Once he was in bed and had his story, snuggle time and cream today, me and hubby ordered a Chinese, just as we were tucking in a little voice called down, “save me some please”.

9/12 – Work Christmas Do!!

This morning started well and everything was going smoothly until just before we had to leave, Munch had found a piece of Christmas wrapping paper in the living room this morning from when I had been wrapping presents the previous night he took it up in his bedroom to wrap a present for me very sweet, a bit of the present was my phone, we needed to leave and I asked Munch several times to come down, and he just kept saying he needed to finish wrapping my present, I told him he could finish it when he came home and to come down, he eventually came down got on his coat, all with lots of attitude, I asked him to go and fetch my phone, he went upstairs and there was lots of noisy crocodile crying, screaming that he could not find it, I knew very well that he knew where it was, so up I went and looked under the piece of wrapping paper, not there, I asked him where it was, by now I could see one of his meltdowns coming, he still said that he did not know where it was, and in the way he was creating and the noises he was making, it was into self preservation mode. I spotted my phone under some of his things and picked it up, and that was the action that sent him over the top, he lashed out with his fists he was swearing, I just stay very calm and told him it was not allowed in a very firm voice trying not to shout, I stuck to the 7 minutes on the step and moved him in that direction whilst trying to keep out of arms reach, he did go to the step though whilst still screaming and shouting and using very fowl language by now daddy who had only come in from work a few hours ago came out and started, now I know he was tired and wanted to sleep, but Munch was going to the step and would have calmed, but daddy yelling and shouting that he was not going to take this sort of behaviour did not help it just started Munch on one of his manic laughing session’s with a few F words thrown in. Daddy was told to go to bed in no uncertain term’s, mummy and dog went into the Living room and closed the door and by the end of the 7 minutes Munch was calm. What a contrast from just a few months ago when we were having meltdown’s like this on a daily basis that were lasting for hours on end that was all of 10 minutes and when he was calm again there was none of the aftermath that would drag on and on.

We left for school, we were about 5 minutes late so not so bad, head teacher was seeing in the late children so filled her in and asked her to pass it on to his class teacher just in case there was any repercussion’s.

It was only when I came home and assessed what had happened that morning that I realised what it was all about. I was my works Christmas Do that night and as it was in London I was having to leave fairly early. We always use the web-based Sitters for babysitters and have been very luck to get the same sitter each time, this time though because it was a week night she was unable to do it so we were having a different sitter and I had spoken to Munch about it the night before and I am sure this is what had subconsciously triggered that mornings incident.

It was the Christmas Bazar after school se we went along to that and did all the usual activities there before returning home Munch was very good and amused himself whilst I was getting ready I had brough a microwave ready meal for his tea, figured a one-off would not hurt. Munch wanted me to get him ready for bed before the sitter came and he also wanted to do snuggle time.

Once the sitter turned up Munch was fine and when I was frog marched out of the house by him!!!! I left them playing on the floor with Lego.

I had a great night and it seemed strange me being the one leaving before the end as my 2 very good friends who I work with have always been the ones leaving early as they have to get the children up the next day now their children are much older and either at work or old enough to get themselves up for school. I had not seen a lot of my work colleagues since before I went on Adoption Leave, so had lots of questions and well wishes and I seemed to repeat the same thing’s over and over again to different people.

At home sitter said Munch had been very well-behaved, she said that he had said that he felt sick at one point and would she phone me, but she they would leave it a while to see how he felt later, and he never mentioned it again.

Feeling Sad

This morning went ok and off to school went Munch without a hitch.

When I picked him up we had the proof for our 1st solo school photo, they had a class photo last term. It is lovely now to decide which pack to buy. Munch finally managed to bring a reading book home which he read really well, although I do have to say it was a very easy one for him, so I have commented on the fact in our book we write how hey have done in. We then did some jigsaw puzzles together, Munch did them well, but all the time he was doing them he had attitude, telling me not to do things and generally being very stroppy and trying to be controlling. We finished our puzzles and Munch went of to use the computer.

Rest of the evening went as normal until after I had got Munch out of the bath, he likes to lie on his bed and be dried and helped into his pyjamas, all him regressing back to things that he missed out on when he was younger, today though he screamed and shouted at me for drying his hair, so I just said that I would not be spoken to like that anymore and he was to dry and dress himself, que lots of I didn’t mean it mummy, please help me, all things that I have heard time and time again, I just said again that no I would not help him, maybe next time he would think about how he spoke to me.

Routine followed right up till the last thing we do after story and before hug and kiss good-night, I always get Munch a glass of water as I was going out of the room to fetch it he called me nasty, another thing that he does regularly, so I took a stand again and took back his glass of water, put it down and just said, good-night Munch, I am leaving the room with a hug or kiss as I am not going to be called nasty by you any more, and left again to sorry mummy didn’t mean it mummy, again, heard it all before. I just firmly said no, maybe next time you will think before you call anybody names.

A little after Munch called down, something he will do when things are playing on his mind and asked for cream, a lile ritual we do some evening, especially if he needs reassuring, I started putting he cream on his fingers as we do and again he was aggressive in he way that he asked, or rather told me to do something. So I just put the cream down and said tha I would not continue after being spoken to like that, again with the sorry and he didn’t mean it, but I left and said that i was a sad that he felt that he needed to speak to me like that when we were doing something nice and left.

Whilst writing this I have been up again as he does need that reassurance after incidents like this hat things are ok, hopefully he is now going to sleep.

I think on reflection tonight, I have realised how much he does speak to us constantly like that, and talking to hubby we feel that we need to start making it clear to him that it is not acceptable, he would not have dreamed of talking to his FC’s like that, and we do not want him going through life think that it is ok to talk to others like that. So if it mean’s being hard on him for a while, then that is what is going to happen. Tomorrow the Play Therapist will be visiting for one of her session’s so we shall also speak to her about it.

2 Very Different Days

Yesterday morning for some reason Munch came and woke me up at 6.40am, I told him to go back to bed which he did and put his TV on, he must have come in another 4 times and in the end we got up earlier than planned. Munch is normally good at staying in his room until 9am on a weekend so I am not sure what was a matter this morning.

Munch was 1 of the 4 Beaver’s representing his group in a Connect 4 competition in the morning so we got ready for that, he was his usual apprehensive self when going somewhere new, saying that he did not want to go. I knew that he would be fine once he got there so gave him lots of encouragement, and he was ok and off with the other Beaver’s from his group as soon as we arrived.

I was back a couple of hour’s later to pick him up and watch the presentation of certificates, Munch go a taking part certificate of which he was really pleased with.

After we went straight to our local shopping centre because Munch has completely out grown his old winter coat and he needed one. Munch was in a very funny mood by the time we got there he was cranky, very un-cooperative, he had pocket-money he wanted to spend, he had his Kevin and Perry head on, so he was full of attitude and generally not listening and thinking he was being very clever, he had several warnings. We went o the toilet and he insisted on coming in with me and did not want o leave and stand on his own, I told him that the mood he was in I did not trust him not to open the door, he promised that he would not, and then did. I told him that he had enough warning’s and that we were going home. He did his usual and said that he had forgotten not to open the door it was an accident, which it was not. I just took hold of his hand and walked through the shopping centre with him protesting until we got to the car park. I was really aware of the fact that I desperately needed to get him a coat, so I took him aside when we got to the car park and talked to him and said that we would go back, but here would be no more warnings, if he stepped out of line just once, we would go home, coat or no coat, and if he had no coat we could not go to the Fireworks display  we were going to tha evening.

The rest of the shopping trip passed very sullenly, we got a coat, as he behaved we went to Disney and he spent his pocket-money on Club Penguin books and we made it home in one piece.

Munch’s attitude carried on at home, he clearly was not having a good day and was struggling. We had tea and got ready for the Fireworks Display, we were meeting friends. Whilst there Munch was trying to be very controlling of everything, nothing was right, he was very heavy-handed with our friends daughter. He moaned and groaned although the fireworks, the later night and very early morning was obviously kicking in, walking out he was deliberately bumping into people as it was very crowded, we walked a little way to get a bus, all the bus’ passing were full, we managed to get a taxi in the end, this cheered him up and we had a much better mood.

When we got in daddy had to go to nanny’s, we had a very nice supper time then off to bed. Munch walked out of the kitchen then just walked back in and punched me out of the blue, and started shouting that I had left his new coat on the back of the chair. Now I am not proud of the fact, but at this point I have to say I completely lost the plot, I was so angry, I shouted and shouted, I told him I was sick and tired of his attitude, tha I was not going to be hit and kicked by him anymore, that was not what son’s did to their mummy’s and if he carried on that from now on he could stay upstairs in his bedroom where I did not have to see him, me shouting like a fish wife gave him even more ammunition to shout back and swear at me like a trooper. I was just so angry that I yelled and yelled about what I don’t know.

I came downstairs and sat down and could not believe how I had acted, so after a few minutes, I went back up and apologised to him, it is the first time in the 10 months that he has been our son I have ever seen his face wet with tears, I said I was very sorry that I shouted at him, we had a hug and a kiss and off to sleep he went.

On reflection we should not really have taken Munch to he display, what we have said is that in future if we are planning on doing something like that we will leave it until the last-minute to tell him the we can judge before we go if we feel that he will be able to cope with it.

Today has been totally different, he got up in a much better frame of mind. After breakfast I decided to take Munch to the local Sunday market, we spent a couple of hours there. Munch bought a little yappy dog. We called in the supermarket on he way home, had an hour indoor’s then went and met one of my friend’s and her dog with our dog. Munch had a good couple of hours walking and running with the two dog’s.

Back at home he watched TV before bath his evening TV and yet more fireworks, supper, bed story. Tonight he wanted to do his bottle again sitting on my knee. In all the a very good day.

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