Brief update

Well its been a long time since I last posted, things here have been pretty tricky with Munch, we seem to have one very angry boy on our hands at the moment.

We have started ADHD medication which has helped slighly but on the other hand has made his anxieties much worse, his sleeping has suffered a great deal because of the medication also, so he is now having medication to help with his sleeping, we will wait and see how that goes.

On our 2nd adoption front, we have been on hold for a while due to Munch’s extreme behavior, we are hoping to get back on track soon so watch this space……

Summer holidays and Update

 

I can’t believe I have not added to this blog since Easter a sure sign that things have been ticking along nicely.

Munch has been in a good place, we still have the usual attachment issues but we seem to be dealing with them better so things don’t get so irate.

We had an appointment with the psychiatrist at CAMHS at the beginning of July, after speaking with both me and Munch she said that Munch has got definite ADHD traits as well as Attachment
difficulties, she gave us a list of medications to research and a couple of questions to ask our GP re Munch’s health and the BF health!!! We have just received our follow up appointment for mid November.

We had a brilliant summer holiday, me and Munch spent a lot of time away from home, we had a week at Butlin’s with Granny and big cousin, he loves it there so a good time was had by all. We then had a week at home before going on one of Charlie’s Future Adoption Camps, as usual this was fab, great to meet up with old and new friends and to feel normal as nobody bats an eyelid at any of the children’s behaviours.

From there we went to Grampy’s for a couple of nights on our way to another camping holiday, Munch was still much the same with Grampy as usual but you could see that he was trying hard to modify how he behaves towards him.

Then we camped for a week, just me and him, we had a lovely week. We went out during the day then in the night back at the camp site munch would be away playing with the other children every now and again he would come back to the tent just to check I was there and off he would go again, later on he would come back to the tent just get himself into bed read or play a game on the phone and before I knew it he would be off to sleep, most mornings I would be up before him which never happens at home, it was just a lovely care free week.

Whilst there we did visit Munch’s FC’s, the night before he became very insecure, needed lots of reassurance, then became extremely babyish in his behaviour. All the way there I had to talk to him through his teddy, this is the 3rd time we have met up with his FC’s, but the other times had always been on neutral territory, this was the 1st time we actually won’t to their house. Once there though Munch was fine and w had a lovely day with them.

The weekend before school started we all went camping, the 1st day Munch struggled, I think this was because daddy was there, it was the run up to school etc. After that though the weekend want by with out incident, we all had a great time, even the dog.

We only had one day left before school when we got back, we had the usual nose bleeds that day and night, but as it was only for a day and night we felt that was great improvement as they normally start a good few days before.

We have v good return to school, Munch was pleased, with the teacher he has, she is very strict but he seems to thrive on tis, you could visible see him relaxing when he was talking about her and 2 weeks in we have had no being called to one side.

So overall we had a great 6 weeks holiday with some fabulous memories made for us all.

On our 2nd adoption front things are at a bit of a stand still at the moment, we finally finished our HS, we were due to go to panel in July, which then got put back to August. Then Munch’s placing LA arranged some Therapy for him at the request of our local CAMHS, SW from Munch’s LA spoke to our assessing SW who though that we needed to see what the outcome of us meeting with the therapist was before we went before AP.

We have now seen the therapist who does not see any need to se Munch, has given us the go ahead for no.2, and ha said that we can use the other 2 sessions to talk about strategies to help Munch when a new child is placed.

So know we are just waiting for our PAR to be updated with his information and a new panel date.

Easter Catch Up

So a bit of a catch up since my last post, things have been relativity calm here of late, we had a couple of weeks where Munch was particularly rude and uncooperative, this coupled with nose-bleeds, lots of cloths chewing and constantly being called aside by his teacher told us that something was going on in his little head, so lots of wondering out loud, trying to be as empathetic as possible – not all ways easy – and reigning things in. We tightened boundaries and structure, we made everything visual and this seems to have done the trick, we now have a much calmer Munch on our hands.

The start of the Easter holiday’s were a bit tricky, think I was on my way to a mini breakdown, so I am sure everything felt a lot worse than it was, thanks to hubby taking charge though and taking a couple of nights off work things improved and we got on with enjoying the holiday.

The 2nd week Munch attended his Karate school and worked very hard all week and is now the proud owner of a purple tag belt. He also has a very proud mummy and daddy.

News on our 2nd adoption is that our 2 HS visits has now turned into 5!! We just have a few loose ends to fill in on our 5th visit which should have been this week but clashed with an invite out to afternoon tea with my ex-work colleagues and as I don’t get out much these day’s I was not tuning it down.

Our SW came out and did a session with Munch yesterday which went better than I thought as I did think he may be uncooperative, but he wasn’t, the SW asked him lots of questions about like where would his little sister sit at the table, where abouts in the living room, where was she going to sleep, what about if she wanted a different programme on to him, about bath and bedtime, all of which he really though about.

The SW also told him stories about me and his daddy when we were getting ready for him to come, and it was lovely, he hung on to every word she said.

SW is coming to visit him in 2 weeks again and is hoping to get us to panel in June and has told us to start looking at children!! Our AUK membership was up for renewal so we subscribed to Children Who Wait as well and have started looking.

Our 1st Proper Family Holiday and Grampy!!

Well we have just returned from our 1st proper family holiday since Munch arrived, we have had weekends away and I have  been away with him but this was our 1st time with the three of us.

Leading up to the holiday we have had some testing times which resulted in a major meltdown a couple of weeks before we went. Munch completely lost the plot and for the 1st time in what must be a year he was extremely violent, he hit kick spat, bit, you name it and he did it and it took us a long time to calm him down, we just had to stay near and try and remain calm!!

The week leading up to the holiday Munch was very excited and counted down the day’s, the night before we left for Florida we stayed in a hotel near the airport and we had a little boy bouncing off the walls with excitement until midnight and we had to threaten to go home if he did not stop!!!

We  had a lovely week in Florida, Munch was hard work at times, he finds it hard to accept anything nice happening so will often rubbish things and try’s very hard to show no emotion, which we find hard as we were doing our best to make sure he was having a good time. As we only went for a week we gave him the choice of either Universal or Disney, he chose Universal because of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, he would never say a ride was good, would mostly say they were boring, but would talk very excitedly about them!!

We had a few day’s at the pool which Munch really enjoyed, he is very sociable so made friends with other children and had a good time playing with them, after a lovely day by the pool though it was almost like he could not accept that he had a nice day and in the evening would do things to disrupt the evening meal, almost like as if he felt that he did not deserve to have had such a nice day.

Since being back we have had a relatively calm time, Grampy came to visit and I was worried about how Munch would react as his behaviour towards my dad has gradually got worse with each visit until the last visit where he was just awful towards him. I need not have worried he has been lovely with him this time, but he has obviously been stressed by his visit as we have had some tell tale signs of stress from Munch.

I have been doing a course since Christmas on Attachment Focused Parenting with our adoption agency and spoke to one of the therapists there about this, with out going into detail we came to the conclusion that it was a link with his past and feeling let down by one of his grandfathers, that said I am so proud of the effort he has made this visit as it must be very hard for him.

On our 2nd adoption front things are ticking along nicely, we have one HS left to do next week and that should finish off our part nicely, the SW then wants to do a couple of visits with Munch, so hoping now that we should be nearing the end.

A Brief Update.

Well things have been ticking along nicely here, we had a good Christmas with just one incident on Christmas Eve where after bedtime Munch had a bit of a wobble and I ended up having to sit with him in his room until he calmed down. The one thing of notice was though although Munch was besides himself there was no hitting, kicking, swearing or spitting he did at one point grab hold of my hair but though better of it. He eventually went to sleep and was back to his normal self Christmas morning and we had a lovely day.

Post Christmas is a tricky time as it was when we 1st met our beautiful boy so at the moment thing’s are tricky here, he is pushing and testing boundaries, so we have reeled it all back in for the moment, keeping routines as tight as possible using the step when need’s be and trying hard not to get sucked into the chaos that we know he is trying to create. We know we will possible have a few more weeks of this so we trying to take it in our stride, easier said than done though.

On the 2nd adoption front nothing has happened since the last post apart from having a visit canceled and re-booked for a week on Monday.

A very short up-date, but nice not to have a lot to report!!

1st HS & Munch Settling at School

Well we had our 1st Home Study visit last Friday in our quest for no.2. The original plan was 2 have 2 whole day HS to update and add to our old PAR, I had forgotten though how our SW was always at least 1/2 to an hour late, and true to form it was an hour. I had also forgotten how once hubby starts talking he goes off on a tangent and cam waffle for England!!!! That coupled with the the fact that Munch finishes school at 3pm meant that we only had 2 3/4 hours mostly filled with hubby waffling!!

Anyway we have made a start and with Christmas coming up our next HS is going to be beginning of January once Munch is back at school, I now have a copy of the new PAR so can be working on a lot of it by then, so in reality is going to be at least another 2 visits.

Munch is very excited about us having started, but is not happy about the little sister bit as he would like a brother. The one thing is it has given us the opportunity to talk more about how he became our son and the process we go through, funny thing is though as often as we explain to him it takes a long time, I think he still expected to come home from school last Friday and find a little sister hee waiting for him as he knew the SW was coming.

Munch seems more settled now at school, so far this half terms we have not been called aside once by the teacher, a few times she has spoken to me to praise how he is doing and this seems to be having a positive affect on him.

With the lead up to Christmas though now it is a tricky time for Munch as this would have been the time they were preparing him 2 years ago for his move to us. We have had a few nosebleeds, a sure sign with Munch that he is stressed, but as yet not had any of the headaches and tummy aches he had last year and not wanting to go to school. Lets hope that he doesn’t get any.

And 2 weeks later…..

I started writing this blog 2 weeks ago and never got round to finishing it so just going to add to it!!!

Well Official Application Form has been filled in and sent to the LA and our SW has made a date for our 1st HS which will be in just over 2 weeks time, so all moving along nicely on our 2nd adoption.

After my last post re Munch’s arm, doctor said it would just be bruised and painful, went for our hospital appointment the following week and were seen by the consultant only to be told that his arm was re-broken. We are very upset with the hospital, for 2 weeks he was in pain and unable to move his arm, we have wrote a letter of complaint to the hospital for what good it will do!!!

Things seem to have settled a little at school, on returning after half term Munch came home with a general letter for the whole of year 3 from the head of year, saying that by now they should have settled into Junior’s but there was a handful of children who hadn’t. These children would be getting a report card and one a week would be reporting to her!!!! Well to say that we were furious was an understatement, Munch’s teacher had said the, should have settled by now bit to use just before half term, so we were sure he would be getting one. I went in armed with all my attachment stuff and gave it to his teacher and asked her to read it, then asked her to point me in the direction of the head of year teacher, and just told her straight that Munch was not having one, what did she expect to achieve by giving a child who suffer’s from very low self esteem something that was going to draw attention to all his bad behaviour’s and then for him to have to go to her full of shame, and insisted that he was not having one. Turns out though that it was a very badly worded letter, it was nothing like a report card but more about encouraging good behaviours, Munch has been given a laminated card with 3 areas to work on, and every time he achieve’s one of these goals he receives a sticker, at the end of the week he takes it to the head of year for her to praise how well he has done and he receives a little prize. He likes working towards things like this so  know it will work well, also got called aside by the teacher at the end of last week but to say how well he had done and worked hard towards his goals, so fingers crossed we are making head way at school.

Now 2 weeks on, the goals are working really well, no being called aside, 2 teacher has made a point of praising how he is getting on to me, so things are looking up at school.

We have had my dad staying for a couple of day’s, he has never been anything but good to Munch, but for some reason Munch over the last couple of times of seeing him has gotten progressively worse with the way that he acts towards him. I have to say over the couple of day’s that he was here I was extremely ashamed of the way that Munch behaved towards him, he was down right rude, arrogant, plain nasty, he got into the blaming and saying that Grampy had punched and kicked him.

To start off with we tried the ignoring it as we had on previous visits pulled him up about it and we know with the way that Munch’s mind works to him this is getting a reaction, way hay, lets do it all some more. It didn’t work he just got ruder and nastier, until in the end I completely lost it and was very very un-therapeutic and shouted at him until I was hoarse, I told him how dare he treat my father like that, I actually told him that I was ashamed of the way that he had behaved, I was telling Grampy not to bother getting a Christmas present for him as he did not deserve it, well I actually saw remorse, had one very upset boy, who just kept repeating over and over again that he was going to try much harder, and harder he has tried, he was pleasant to Grampy in the morning before he left, he has been pleasant to us for the last few days!!!!! Beginning to think that this therapeutic parenting is not all its cracked up to be and maybe good old fashioned shouting is what it takes!

Well a week today we have our 1st HS, referee’s received there letters today and we got our Medical questionnaire’s yesterday so moving forward in our quest for no. 2.

 

1st Half Term in Juniors.

Can you believe we are at the half term mark already!!

Well not such a successful 1st half term in the Junior’s for Munch. There has not been a week when I have not been called aside by his teacher because of his behaviour at break times. Time and time I have tried to explain why he is unable to manage the unstructured time but it seems to be falling on deaf ears. I have tried putting the ball in the court and asking what they are going to do to help him manage this time, and it also feels like he is beginning to become a bit of a scape-goat – all ready labelled so lets blame him.

Anyway after yet another incident on the last day of the half term, I have said that I want a meeting. I have been busy downloading and print stuff of the Internet about attachment and have been tying to strengthen my knowledge and understanding of how Munch’s past life experiences have affected him. I have made 2 copies of everything I have printed off and intend to take in the extra copy to the school and ask the teacher to read it. I have also order Inside I’m Hurting:  Practical  Strategies for Supporting Children with Attachment Difficulties in Schools by Louise Bomber which has been dispatched today, so hoping it will come tomorrow so it will give me a while to read it and take what I need out of it before I meet h his teacher.

Work wise he is doing really well though and Munch himself is really enjoying as he puts it the harder work that they do in the Junior’s. He also gets on well with his homework which I though we might have a problem with but a the moment he is enjoying doing it.

On Friday we also received a letter from the family therapist at CAMHS, Munch’s case had been reviewed and it was decided that he needed to have Child Psychotherapy, they have a long waiting list though so were unable to accept him onto it!!!! We have an appointment to meet with the family therapist next month to discuss what we want to do, she did not fill me with confidence that last time, so some more work to do there I intend to write every thing down before I go so that I do not get all tongue tied and let them fob me off.

Munch is doing a weeks Karate School this week, he is still doing very well with his Karate, even after the set back of breaking his arm over the summer. And on the subject of that, last week at school he fell and has really hurt it again, we went to A & E and it was x-rayed, the registrar came and looked at the x-ray and said it was fine, just to come back for an outpatients appointment in 2 weeks, a week on though he is still unable to move it properly and is still in pain, so we have a doctor’s appointment for the morning.

Last thing, tomorrow is the day of the team meeting where they will discuss whether we will be accepted onto the books so to speak of the LA on the road to no. 2, fingers crossed +++++++

Initial SW Visit For No. 2.

We had our initial visit yesterday on the way now hopefully for number two.

We talked generally about how things were going with Munch,  how our lives had changed, how we have dealt with things. We discussed how we thought that Munch would deal with a new addition, the SW filled in all the bits she needed to.

We then discussed what we would be looking for in our 2nd child, an why, we have said that to take out any rivalry we would prefer a girl this time, we have also said between 3 and 6 years old. There were things like contact as well to be taken into consideration, we were very open to direct contact last time, but as Munch only has letterbox we feel that it would be total unfair to him to have a sibling who had direct contact with BF, and would open up a whole new can of worms, so have said that it’s a no to direct contact.

The next step is that the SW has to take it to the next team meeting, she has said that she cannot see any problem with us being accepted, after that she is looking at doing a couple of long sessions, and a couple of Saturday sessions so that Munch can be included and  these 4 visits should be more than enough to update our previous PAR. She has asked that we use my mum as 1 of our references so that she can come and see here when she is visiting over Christmas and that we should get to panel in the New Year, so all sounding positive.

10 Days Since……….

Well as you can see I have a new ticker, I have decided to rather than  have two blogs, that I will keep them together.

We are finally on our way to hopefully having a brother or sister for Munch, we had spoken to our 1st SW before the summer holiday’s about sarting the process again and she agreed to come out and see us. We asked to have the summer holiday’s 1st and she was on holiday for the 2nd week of September, then on the 23rd September we received the phone call from her to set up an initial visit.

It was initially set up for 12th October, but she phoned a couple of day’s ago to change it to the 14th which worked out well as we then received a hosital appointment for Munch on the 12th and at the same time so we would have had to change anyway. She is going to bring all the official paper work with her, so another watch this space!!!!