1st HS & Munch Settling at School

Well we had our 1st Home Study visit last Friday in our quest for no.2. The original plan was 2 have 2 whole day HS to update and add to our old PAR, I had forgotten though how our SW was always at least 1/2 to an hour late, and true to form it was an hour. I had also forgotten how once hubby starts talking he goes off on a tangent and cam waffle for England!!!! That coupled with the the fact that Munch finishes school at 3pm meant that we only had 2 3/4 hours mostly filled with hubby waffling!!

Anyway we have made a start and with Christmas coming up our next HS is going to be beginning of January once Munch is back at school, I now have a copy of the new PAR so can be working on a lot of it by then, so in reality is going to be at least another 2 visits.

Munch is very excited about us having started, but is not happy about the little sister bit as he would like a brother. The one thing is it has given us the opportunity to talk more about how he became our son and the process we go through, funny thing is though as often as we explain to him it takes a long time, I think he still expected to come home from school last Friday and find a little sister hee waiting for him as he knew the SW was coming.

Munch seems more settled now at school, so far this half terms we have not been called aside once by the teacher, a few times she has spoken to me to praise how he is doing and this seems to be having a positive affect on him.

With the lead up to Christmas though now it is a tricky time for Munch as this would have been the time they were preparing him 2 years ago for his move to us. We have had a few nosebleeds, a sure sign with Munch that he is stressed, but as yet not had any of the headaches and tummy aches he had last year and not wanting to go to school. Lets hope that he doesn’t get any.

Initial SW Visit For No. 2.

We had our initial visit yesterday on the way now hopefully for number two.

We talked generally about how things were going with Munch,  how our lives had changed, how we have dealt with things. We discussed how we thought that Munch would deal with a new addition, the SW filled in all the bits she needed to.

We then discussed what we would be looking for in our 2nd child, an why, we have said that to take out any rivalry we would prefer a girl this time, we have also said between 3 and 6 years old. There were things like contact as well to be taken into consideration, we were very open to direct contact last time, but as Munch only has letterbox we feel that it would be total unfair to him to have a sibling who had direct contact with BF, and would open up a whole new can of worms, so have said that it’s a no to direct contact.

The next step is that the SW has to take it to the next team meeting, she has said that she cannot see any problem with us being accepted, after that she is looking at doing a couple of long sessions, and a couple of Saturday sessions so that Munch can be included and  these 4 visits should be more than enough to update our previous PAR. She has asked that we use my mum as 1 of our references so that she can come and see here when she is visiting over Christmas and that we should get to panel in the New Year, so all sounding positive.

Lovely day at Chessington.

Well yet another day off school today as Munch’s was being used as a polling station.

We were going to use our Merlin passes at Thorpe Park, but once we were in the car we decided on Chessington instead. On the way I said to Munch, at last his life was free of Social Works, his answer was ‘until a get a younger brother’. Which show’s that he has taken in all that we have told him about how he came to be our son enough to know that any new child coming would come in the same way.

We had a lovely day at Chessington, it was quiet and we were able to ride most of the rides a couple of times. Munch went on all the big rides that he can now and enjoyed them all. He was very nervous going on Dragon’s Fury but could not wait to get on again once we were off.

On the way home, we had an incident where Munch decided to wipe his shoes on me,I took it off him and put it on the back seat, he started screaming and kicking the dashboard of the car, he’d already had a couple of warnings in the car, I had to stop for milk, so told him to take his seat in the back and that he can spend the next week in he back.

At home Munch had watched TV until lights out.

Last night I had requested some suggestion’s of how to combat Munch’s constant calling out every night after lights out on the AUK forum, the were lots of answers, lot’s of which I had already tried, one which was a bit bazaar, and I few I will try.

Tonight I went with the suggestion of saying that he was allowed 2 call down’s then after that I would not answer, well what can I say 2 hours later and we have only had 2 call down’s!!!! Afer he 2nd I told him he’d had his 2 and he has not called down since. I shall continue with this whilst it lasts, and keep all the other suggestion’s in mind if this one does not work, so watch this space.

After almost 7 Years, Munch’s Life is Free of Social Worker’s.

Well another milestone met today, Munch’s SW came for the very last time.

I had told Munch last night that his SW was visiting today, we had the usual calling but no aches or pains overnight like we used to get.

We had a very good morning routine apart from Munch manage to drop his breakfast on the floor 3 times!!!!

Our SW also came today so that she could make sure all the loose ends were tied up, she arrived before Munch’s SW and whilst hubby was picking him up from the station, she phoned the court to see where they are at with our application, the judge has read all the paper work and had told them to go ahead and arrange a date. Because of all the holiday’s of late there have been no court managers working and apparently it is them who have to make the dates, so hopefully as they will be back next week we should have a date by the end of next week.

Hubby arrived with Munch’s SW, there is not much to sort our really, he is waiting for a date to go to the finance panel for our extra therapy sessions, he is going to make a start on Munch’s later life letter, and has asked us to chase him if we have not got it in a couple of months time. The good news he had was that Munch’s birth mum had requested legal aide to contest the Aoption Order but was refused it on the grounds as she does not have a case.

We drank tea and coffee and munched on lovely cookie until it was time for hubby to go and fetch Munch from school. Hubby said Munch was very quiet on the way home, when he got in he went into talking in a very babyish way, he went up to his room and was fake crying and making very load noises, he behaved in a way he had never behaved before when his SW has been here, he did eventually calm a little and came down and played with his football in the garden, he flatly refused to engage with his SW, and would not say good-bye when the time came.

We did get him to come in and we gave his SW a couple of bottles of wine and a thank-you card, we thanked him for allowing us to be the parents to as far as we are concerned the best little boy in the world, he also said, that he feels that this placement was one of the best decision’s that he has made. He said good bye to Munch and for him to have a very good life and off he went with hubby, Munch did say good-bye as they left.

Me and Munch went up to his bedroom and had a little sing and ance around his bedroom, and I saw one of the biggest grins I have ever seen on his face, finally after almost 7 years of his little life, he is SW free!!!!

The rest of the evening went by nicely, we had tea went to Karate where Munch really concentrated well, home and TV before bed. (Lots of calling down as usual)

Munch 1 – SW 0

Well what a week we have had, and Munch has been the star of it.

We had a great weekend which started on Friday evening when me and Munch went to Kids Kingdom for a couple of hours, Saturday we were ice skating all day again, Munch had his new ice skates and found them a bit funny to start with but he soon got the hang of them.

Whilst there at one point Munch could not find me so he was very good and went to one of the ice marshalls, so lots of praise for going to a staff member. He also made friends with a boy who was there with his mum, what can I say about the mum, she looked completely out of it, was very inappropriate with the things she was saying and reminded me of photo’s I have seen of birth mum, oh dear, she insisted on giving me her phone number and was telling Munch how we can visit them and how in a couple of weeks when I knew her better that he could spend the day with them and I could go shopping!!! I very politely distanced us from them.

On Monday we had our review, it had  been planned so that our play therapist could provide a report with recommendations with regards to the ongoing support we are going to need as a family, Munch’s SW did his usual and did not pick up the report off his emails and came with out it, him and the reviewing officer travelled over 200 miles for what, the reviewing officer was not happy, Munch’s SW managed to put it all on the Play Therapist, we were told that there is no more money for them to travel here for another review, which is a pile of crap, if we needed a review they would have to find the money. Anyway review proceeded with out the report, lasted about 3/4 hours and off they trundled on their 200 mile journey home.

Tuesday was our penultimate play therapy session, play therapist was not a happy bunny as she had spent a lot of time and effort doing a very in-depth report for the review and had emailed it to Munch’s SW last week.

Wednesday, our 2nd trip to A & E in just over 3 weeks, we received the dreaded phone call from school to say Munch had fallen in the playground and banged the back of his head on a bench and had a nasty cut, so of we went again. The nurse who glued his head managed to glue her hand to his head as well, so Munch is very pleased with the piece of purple glove he has stuck on his head and enjoyed being the centre of attention in the play ground before school this morning showing it off!!

Today I have been on a Life Story Workshop, which was very informative and helped a lot with starting to do some life story work here with Munch, it was also nice to meet up with other adoptive parents, and 2 of the mums who I have kept in touch with since we did our prep groups were there and we went for a glass of wine afterwards and a good old chat.

Now for the best bit of our week, tonight was parents evening, and what a glowing report we got, Munch has really come on and is doing so well, he is above average in his reading and maths for the END of the school year and we are only half way through the year!!!!! He is doing well in all other areas too, so mummy and daddy left the school with great big grins on our faces, we could not be prouder of our boy, considering the last year that is such an achievement.

P.S. forgot to mention, the cut to his finger today, we have joked with him, what is it tomorrow, his big toe? an ear?

Another Week in The Munch Household.

Well another uneventful week, long may they last.

We had a nice day on Sunday, in the afternoon we went to see Gnomeo and Juliet, it was very good, we had a family in the row behind who found it very funny and every time they laughed so did Munch, but he had to look at them to make sure that they could see he was laughing!!

We had our usual Play Therapy session on Tuesday, and our SW visited in the afternoon to get details for the court report she has to do, she rang whilst she was here and they have to be back by 21st April, she is hoping to jolly along Munch’s SW though so they can get them there earlier.

Munch was very proud to wear his Karate suit to his lesson on Wednesday, but what I did notice was 4 weeks in and his concentration is going a little, but he really enjoy’s it and so far it has been the only thing he doesn’t say that he doesn’t want to go to before.

I had been asked to attend a parents form at our local Children’s Centre this week which I did, it was very nice to have other mum’s to talk to, and even nicer when talking to one of the mum’s and the staff, they were saying they thought that I was alway’s very calm and dealt with Munch really well, it was nice to hear because I never feel calm, I always feel like I am fizzing inside, so thank you to them.

We have  a few thing’s planned for the coming half term, so may have a few more thing’s to blog about over the next week, if I have the energy.

Pinocchio and Telling the Truth

This morning started off with Munch coming downstairs and being cross with the dog because she had knocked the Laptop on the floor, once he had picked it up and put it on to make sure it was still working he sat happily playing with his Club Penguin, computer is not normally allowed in the morning but as it was Play Therapy day and we have a later start I left him to it so I could get on.

Then the Play Therapist arrived Munch was up and on the go at 100 miles an hour, he was dragging the poor dog around by her collar, in and out as we were fetching things in, that was until he trip over her and banged his head on the car, he started to hit and kick the dog, I had to pull him away, this was in the living room with the Play Therapist so I left her to him and went in the kitchen.

I think it was then that what had happened last night and with the incident over the weekend caught up with me and I just sat at the kitchen table and cried, I did get myself together though for when they had finished.

Daddy took Munch off to school and I told the Play Therapist about the 2 incidents, Munch today had wanted all of her play equipment out of her car and she said the thing that he had picked to play with was Pinocchio, and they had done a lot of work around telling the truth and his nose growing and they had between them developed a squeaking technic for when Munch was being untruthful, so we are now on a mission to find the little squeaks that you put inside teddy bears so that when he is being untruthful we can squeak at him, she said we are no to say he is lying, but to say that is not real. She also said to make a note of these things, one so that she can see what they are and 2 for our record, I also said that I though it was a good idea to ring Munch’s SW and she said yes to do that and to tell him that we have some strategies in place.

The next thing that I spoke to her about was the comment that had been made to me at the wedding on Saturday when I was asked if Munch had been diagnosed, and before I could say anything she said, with ADHD, I said about reading about it and Munch displaying practically all of the tell-tale sign’s and she said to make an appointment with our GP and say we want referring to a pediatrician who specialises in this field. Like she said ADHD is often be masked by attachment issues. So an appointment has been booked for Friday with he GP.

We talked about getting Pinocchio on DVD, as we said we must have every other Disney DVD bar that one (we had them all way before Munch came along), and also about getting The Boy Who Cried Wolf to read to him, and some sort of children’s programme called if I remember right Jaker’s, which uses morals for the back drop of it’s stories, I will have to do a bit of research about that online.

Munch was in a good mood when I picked him up from school, I had brought him his own mouse for the computer, something we have been going to do since he arrive last year!!!! Better late than never, so after doing his reading he was pleased to use it.

It was then off to gymnastic’s, then home for tea, get ready for Beaver’s and off there, Tuesday’s are busy nights thank goodness his gymnastic’s is only for 5 weeks.

I did phone Munch’s SW but he is off sick so I phoned our SW and filled her in, I am going to email Munch’s SW as soon as I have finished this.

Munch is now tucked up in bed after another performance to cut his toe nails, why do I get so wound up over toe nails!!! Still done now for another little while.

Another Milestone – Adoption Order Papers sent to Court.

Well what a week it has been in the Munch household.

It started on Monday getting the good news that Play therapy was recommencing the very next day, woo hoo.

Munch has been in a bit of a strange place all week, we had a review today and we don’t normally tell Munch hat his SW is here until we pick him up from school on the day his SW is visiting as it worries him and he will be awake all the night before with pain’s in his legs. As he was off school today we had to tell him earlier so that he knew what was happening, so all week we have had him trying to control,  he has also been in a very contrary mood.

Play Therapy went well and it was good to start again, the Play Therapist said that she noticed a difference in how polite Munch was being, whilst she was here our SW arrived. I had forgotten that we had arranged this visit before Christmas

One the Play Therapist had left myself and our SW got to work on the Disability Living Allowance forms for Munch, it’s when we were filling in these forms, which are long and tedious that it makes you realise how different Munch is from other children, I think that we have got so used to living with his anxieties and behaviours that it has become the norm for us, writing it all down on paper made me realise just how traumatized our poor little boy is.

After school we Munch had his yearly Looked After Child medical at the Doctor’s, and then we had the dentist after that it was home and getting ready for Beaver’s, so in all it was a very busy day on Tuesday.

Wednesday Munch was in fine form, he tried to be controlling, he tried to be very contrary and by bedtime, I was worn out with it all, step was used, he hit daddy in the face knocking his glasses flying, kicked the dog, hit out at me, so he was sent to his room for 1/2 hour. Later in bed, he was an absolute nightmare trying to get him to go to sleep, he just kept calling, wanting hugs, but not really hugging he was back to making a show of hugging but not waning to be close, arm across his body, face turned as far away as he could, yet would not let go and having to be prized off. Then he was hitting himself and saying I’m an idiot, you think I’m an idiot, I’m a f–king idiot, you done even like me, you say you love me but you don’t really you just lie, and he kept saying them over and over again and hitting himself, he just has such low self-esteem, I eventually got him to calm down and sleep, about an hour later I could hear him crying and when I went up he was standing on the landing saying what is it, get it away from me and waving his arms around like mad, I just said its ok come on back to bed and he went without a fuse.

Thursday was a better day, but if I am honest, I coped out a bit and because I knew he was going to be extremely anxious and not in a good place because of the impending SW visit he next day, I just let him use the computer all evening, bad mummy, until TV time before bed.

And then today, another milestone for us, 1 year since Munch actually moved in with us and we posted our Adoption Order papers off to the court today!!!!!!

Our review went very well, we had a new reviewing Officer who was fab, he wants it in writing that he feels that once our present 10 sessions of Play Therapy are over, that they should look in to whether the Play Therapist would visit us once every 8 weeks for at least the next year, just to give us on going support, he also wanted it down that everyone feels that direct contact with one of Munch’s paternal grandmothers is not in Munch’s best interest, and in fact is the complete opposite, we have always from the very 1st visit that we had with Munch’s SW and Family finder said that we were open to direct contact as long as it was in his best interest.

Munch never has mentioned this Grandmother, it was a court directive and the reviewing officer said that he feels it needs to be documented so that if the Grandmother decided at a later date to try to get contact through the courts that it would help us if we have documentation to say that it is not in his best interest.

Daddy had taken Munch out whilst the review was on, I then went and met them, together we all went to the Post Office to get our papers sent Special Delivery and afterwards went and had something to eat, home and daddy has gone for a few drinks and I am off to bed.

Good Day, But No Carol Service!!

Things went well this morning, Munch was in a good mood, he even told me he had no TV this morning because he had come into our bedroom. We went out in plenty of time fo school, then the dreaded iced up windscreen, I forgot again, so sitting there like lemon’s waiting fo it to defrost, luckily daddy pulled up in his cab and we jump out of the car into daddy’s taxi.

Our SW phoned today to find out how the review had gone, so filled her in a bit on what has been happening, she is going o get on to Munch’s SW an rearrange the review date for ASAP, but realistically not expecting it until the New Year now. I also got round to phoning for Disability Living allowance forms, so we will see if we are entitled to that, as I have had to give up work.

Picked Munch up from school, we came home, did his reading first, he was not in a very cooperative mood, he read slowly, struggled with words that I know he know’s, tried  to miss out whole pages, so I just let him carry on, and wrote in his reading diary how he had done, and read out to him what I had written. After that he got changed had 1/2 on the computer then went upstairs to play until tea time, we had stew, Munch did not want dumplings so I asked if he would like a slice of bread, which he did, he made me laugh because he did not dip the bread into the gravy, he made himself a sandwich with the vegetables from the stew!!

We had 1/2 of Junior Monopoly, we each won 1 game each before getting ready fo the Beaver’s Carol Service, off we went, I had not been able to find the letter telling us where it was, but knew it had said to park in a certain Iceland’s car park because it was near, I though thee would be others attending who would be parking there but the car park was very quiet, we walked around and around, there were no near by churches or hall’s where Beaver’s could be held, we even got in the car and had a drive around, nothing. We eventually gave up and headed home, I felt extremely bad, next time I will make a note of where so that if the letter goes missing I know where thing’s are. On the way home we called into Morrison’s and I let Munch pick something as I had made him miss his Carol Service, I was disappointed too as I was looking forward to our 1st Carol Service together. Munch chose a Lego set.

At home we watched a bit of TV before the bedtime, had a good bedtime routine tonight I did his teeth again and Munch was in bed all nicely tucked up, daddy came home at 9.45 and we heard banging and Munch appeared on the stairs very tearful, I asked him what was a matter he was very sleepy and just leaned on me, I asked if he had a bad dream and he nodded, daddy came and carried Munch back to his bed and he has been fast asleep since.

Putting up The Christmas Tree