Typical Day.

This morning started off with Munch coming into our bedroom before the alarm had gone off, I have told him that if he does this tomorrow there will be no 1/2 lights on in his room before story, so we will remind him again to night and see what happen’s tomorrow, otherwise we had a nice easy morning.

As we are having our Adoption Celebration at home on the Saturday after our Celebration Hearing, we have made a start on the back garden, hubby got some spot lights yesterday from B & Q, when he went to put them up yesterday most of the pars were missing so we took it back to change it this afternoon, every one that they had pieces had been taken out of the box, we went through them all, what are people like!!!!

After school the 1st thing that Munch did was his go and water his plants in the garden, then came in and read extremely well before getting ready for football , he got 7 minutes on the step for calling me an idiot, so was told he was being rude, an asked to apologies when his time was up.

After his football  we called into Tesco’s to get  a few bits, when we pulled up in Tesco’s car park I said something to Munch and he hit me on the arm, he has been warned about doing this before and had to sit in the back for a week, I can’t even remember what it was, but I told him that he knew the consequence for hitting me in the car and to put his buster in the back, he tried to say that he had hit me after we had stop so that was ok, I told him that hitting is never ok, and to put the seat in the back, he then got very cheeky, that soon stopped, when he got himself another week in the back.

Back at home thing’s went fine, he was watching a film so was allowed to spend his 1/2 light on time watching the end, then shower and bed.

As we seem to have cracked the constant calling out at night of late I decided to have a bath, oh dear not a good idea, he kept coming in the bathroom and talking, so in future will have to wait until he is asleep, at least he is going to sleep earlier when he is not calling out, so will have to give it an hour next time.

Another Bank Holiday Weekend

We have some ups and downs over the bank holiday weekend.

Thursday after school we went ice-skating which he loves, I had ordered him some hockey boots which had come during the week that fitted as the other ones I bought were to big, so he was very pleased to have them and in a good mood, it was was a late night after the skating, so straight home and off to sleep.

Friday was Royal Wedding Day, Munch was not in the least bit interested and some how me and his dad found ourselves relegated to the kitchen to watch it, munch came in a few times o ask what he could do and then went in to the living room and must have sat building with his lego for a good 2  hours.

In the afternoon we had been invited to a BBQ by hubby’s cousin, we were a couple of hours late getting there, but in our defense, any BBQ’s we have had or been to have always been people cooking a bit here and there and they always go on all afternoon and night, when we got there they had a big marquee set up and had waited for us to arrive before cooking then everyone sat down together and ate!!!

Munch was the only child there, hubby’s cousin’s step daughters are older teens and they had a fair few friends there, they were great with Munch and one of them had her boyfriend there who Munch sort of fixed himself to but for a teenage boy he was fabulous and even though we offered to take Munch away he would not have it and took him under his wing. A bit later they started playing Charades, they tried to include Munch but by then he was tired and very grouchy and at this point we decided to leave as he was doing a lot of crocodile tears and they were trying to have a good time, Munch shout and cried that he wanted to stay, but we just said no and went home.

Saturday we just had an ordinary day, a bit of shopping, we were in and out for varies things several times and Munch was very good throughout, so a good day Saturday.

Yesterday, the morning did not start off good, Munch was sent to the step for his attittude, he did not like it and he got very physical, pushing me in the face with his hands and refusing to go on the step, I did not retaliate as I could tell that it would just escalate into a much worse situation, he then started his horrible sneering where he does this awful manic laugh, I just though I am not putting up with this and told him to go upstairs because I did not want to see him for the rest of the day, not very therapeutic, but I just think sometimes you have to draw the line somewhere for your own sanity, he was saying no. I just went into the living room and closed the door, and lent on it because he was pushing and kicking it, l;ess then 30 seconds later he took himself off upstairs, he called down about 15 minutes later asking when he could come down, I said that I had not liked his behavior and as I had said I did not want to see him, he must have stayed up there for another 4 minutes and then came down and said that he was sorry, I asked him why he was sorry and when he gave me a reasonably explanation I said ok and let him stay down.

One of the things we have been doing after after step just lately is getting him to say sorry for what he has done, I know the play therapist said at the end of his time to just carry on and to just mention it later, but we have decided that we do feel that he needs to know why he is having to sit on the step and why and to learn to apologies for his action’s.

The rest of the day went by nicely, we went and had a picnic at a local adventure playground, then later on picked daddy up from the pub as he had been watching football with friends, Munch had a very long game of pool with daddy!!

Today we have had a quiet day, went to nanny’s house to pick up a few bits before it is sold, Munch picked a couple of bits to keep, he is having her TV and he was very pleased to have her radio and CD play and has been playing music in his room, he has now been in bed for an hour and 15 minutes and is still calling down!!!!

Back to School Routine, Munch did Not Cope Well.

This morning started off well enough, Munch got up in a good mood, he tried to say that he was feeling sick, but mummy knew better, especially as he ate all his breakfast.  Munch was happily writing at the table and got ready for school no problem at all.

After school was a different matter though, whether it was the fact that we have had a very odd few weeks and then going back into the routine of school I don’t know but when we got in we started his reading, he was very unco-operative, he was missing words,  reading in gibberish, pretending not to know words that I know he know’s very well. So I just shut his book and said that if that was the mood he was in there was no point in carrying on and I would just write in his book just that, start of the pleading, ‘no mummy, I will read’, so second chance given, no change, so I stopped. Munch now started pushing and getting aggressive so it was – Step, he was pushing and trying to bite me so I just took him to the step and tried to put me and the dog into the living room out off his way, he dived into he living room and when I told him to go back to the step, he said no, I just manoeuvred him to the step and said his 7 minutes would start when he was on the step. I had to stand with my back to the door, he eventually got the message and went and sat on the step and did his time.

After his time up, he did wanted to read and did finnish his reading, if not as well as I know he can, as well as could be expected given his mood. I do write how he has read in the book though, and did say to start he had been uncooperative.

His mood continued he was being very contrary, wanting, then not wanting, jus being very whinny and trying to control situations all evening, I had ordered new ice boots for him as his one I had bought were to big and wanted him to try them on, he put on a big show of not being able to get them on, whilst making no effort, I was not being drawn in, so just said to leave it for now, and as we were putting them down, he accused me of strangling him, in a very aggressive tone, so he know’s this is wrong and was sent to the step, he immediately tried to change not what he had said but how he had ment it, but blaming people for things means the step, so step it was.

After his second sit on the step Munch seemed to have calmed a little, he tried on his ice boots, and then went to watch TV, which he did quietly until dinner. A dinner we had an incident where he knocked some of his food on to the table, you would have thought he had lost the lot by the way he carried on, he wailed, he wasn’t eating anymore, stropped away from the table, a complete over reaction, I just talked very calmly and we put the food back onto his plate,took off his cloths as they had gravy on and we managed to finish dinner in a civilized way!!

Munch went back to watching TV whilst I got his karate gear ready, I spoke to him whilst he was watching Tv, and again he shouted aggressively that he was watching TV, so he got sent to the step again as he is not allowed to talk to people like that, and just writing this down has made me remember, that the one thing our play therapist had us doing when things were bad and it worked quickly was  – your being rude with your voice – that’s not allowed – STEP, and your being something with your body – that’s not allowed – STEP. Can’t remember the wording we used so will have to get out my note-book and look it up and go back to it as it worked a treat before, and we have found that it is better to get on top of this behaviour then let it take hold and get out of hand which it can quite quickly.

After that karate went well, home and his usual TV before bed, story and he asked for snuggle time and cream time tonight, so 5 minutes before lights out we did snuggle time which consisted of doing This Little Piggy, and Round and Round the Garden so a bit of regression needed tonight, then a lovely massage with his special cream, so nice and tactile.

One thing that I have not mentioned for a while is that we still have the constant calling down each night for a good 1-2 hours, tonight it was only for 1/2 hour, so maybe the nice relaxing massage helped just before light out, so will try this again.

A Strange Time!!

Where does the time go I cannot believe it has been 10 days since I last posted.

We have had a week of the Easter School holiday’s as well. It’s been a strange time as we had MIL funeral during the week. Munch on the whole has coped very well, we have had some regression and he has needed reassurance along the way but has coped well. We did not take him to the funeral but did take him to the church the night before when the church received the body, he was a bit worried about nanny snoring in her box and asked did she have  a pillow in their with her!!!

We have not done much over the week, we went ice skating one day and as usual was there from start to finish, on the day of the funeral Munch went to an activity day and apart from that we have muddled through, routine has gone out of the window with late night’s and all of us having a bit of a lay in, in the morning’s, I am sure we will pay for it at a later date.

We have had to use the step a few times and today whilst out shopping we had to leave before any shopping got done.

I enquired about our referral to CAHM’s this week and I know our case has been discussed and we will be contacted within 8 – 12 weeks, 4 of which have already passed.

What has been noticeable whilst other people have been around is that you see thing’s more through others eye’s, I have noticed how everything is done as my dad kept saying a 140 miles an hours, he does not stop and is constantly on the go, when we go ice skating he will practical skate solidly for 5 1/2 hours and then come home and play football with his dad for 2 hours!!!

The one thing though is he is into his movies and will sit quietly to watch one, as he is doing now.

Hopefully thing’s will get back to normal here now and I will try to update more often.

Oh Dear, Half Term Can Only Get Better!!!

Oh dear, school only just finished today and Munch is in a strange place, after a fab morning he has come home from school in one of his contrary mood’s. It started when he wanted to decorate his piggy bank that one of my friends gave him when we visited a couple of weeks ago, he wanted to do it so out it was got, then he was whining, why would we not let him do it!!! He wanted to do a super hero, but didn’t know how to do it, why wouldn’t we let him do a supper hero!!! I just was very Dan Hughesy, keep my tone very even, and didn’t let his trying to twist every thing get to me and he eventually gave up, the rest of the evening has not been to bad, he has slipped back into the contrary, trying to wind up every now and then, but I have just kept up the not getting sucked in routine and it is keeping things on an even keel at the moment.

As of last night I am doing a much stricter, as in times and routine of bedtime, due to Munch calling down constantly, getting out of bed on the pretence of needing thing’s ect. I am also trying to humoring him and not getting annoyed with him and ending up getting into that consequence trap, my theory is if he is getting all the attention he wants and feels that we are not just putting him in his room it will peter out, to be honest, it is driving me potty and just seems to be getting worse so I am trying anything at the moment, we will stick to this for a while and see how we go.

Well what can I say, bedtime routine stuck to the letter, and I tried extremely hard to keep it light every time he called down, which was until 10.15pm!!!!!!! Then sod’s law, school days I am having to wake him up to get him ready for school, no school this morning and hay presto, 7.30 he is climbing on our bed, now on the weekend we have our 9am rule, he can play in his room but he is not to come in till 9am, 4 times he came in, once with one of his nose bleeds, several times he called from his room, I AM GOING TO PERSEVERE – I WILL CRACK IT!!!!!!!

This morning now though we have a tired boy, being very uncooperative, contrary, 3 times he has been on the step already. I have put him in a nice deep warm bath, in the hope of calming him, and also to give myself some breathing space, saying that though as I am typing this he is calling down, oh well, off I go again!!!

The rest of today wasn’t so bad, we went to nanny’s to do a couple of job’s that needed doing before nanny come out of hospital next week, daddy’s I-Phone kept him amused whilst we were there and at the hospital, he did have one of his huge nose bleed’s again, but after a little while it did stop.

We stopped and picked up a Family Feast Bucket from Kentucky’s on the way home, Munch just ate the bean’s, oh well more chicken for me and daddy and the dog was happy with the chip’s.

Stuck to our bedtime routine, story told and I have to admit to losing it when Munch came down the stairs and then was messing about when it was supposed to be his quiet time in his bed with the light on, so a lot of yelling from me and a threat of having light out straight after story and he did stay quietly in his room until I went up for light off, 35 minutes later and so far tonight he has only called down 3 times!!!!

Oh well I shall persevere!!

A day That Ended In Tear’s, Munch’s and Mine.

Well after being in bed by 7pm last night Munch slept right through till 8am, not a peep did we hear all night.

Munch was in a very good mood all morning and I didn’t have to niggle at him once!!!

After school was a different matter, he was full of attitude when I picked him up, was not listening to anything and before we had even got to the car he had earned himself a time on the step.

Once in straight on the step, then we did his reading which he did well and we were going to do one of his 2 pieces of home work but ended up doing them both, so at least they are out-of-the-way until Friday.

After that I asked Munch what he was going to do, but he was very cheeky so got sent to the step again, even whilst on the step he was being cheeky, so ended up being sent to his bedroom, where I left him until dinner time.

After dinner Munch had his computer time until bath and TV time.

All went well until he was in bed for his story, just as I was about to start reading he said, “mummy I’m going to tell Miss ——- that you punched me in the face tomorrow”, well to say I was a bit shocked and very hurt and quiet upset was a understatment, we have had a lot of blaming before, but not so blatant and after yesterday, now normally I am good at showing no emotion and ignoring, but this really got to me, so I put down his book and said well if you are going to say that I have done that to you I am not going to sit here and read you a story. He then said I wont say it, ok, so I picked up the book to start reading and as soon as I did  he immediately said, that he was going to tell his teacher that I had punched him in the face, so very un theraputically, and not the right thing to do, I asked him what he thought would happen if he told his teacher that, I said she would have to tell his SW and did he think his SW would be able to leave him with a family that punched him in the face. Oh dear, what an awful thing to say to him, now I’m angry with him and myself.

I went away to cool down, Munch followed me down the stairs, I told him to go back up, he would not so I caught hold of him by he arm and pushed him up onto the stairs, next thing he is shouting you hurt me you scratched me, he had an angry scratch along his wrist, now I cannot say for sure that I did not do it, but I had only held him by the wrist, and with his history of self harming, I am not sure. Anyway I apologised and said that I was very sorry, I did not mean to scratch him, and that if we do thing’s wrong we will say sorry, big hugs and kisses, and even now as I type he is calling, so I think we are in for a very restless night.

I am glad his play therapist is coming tomorrow as what with the incident yesterday and now this, I know she will be a big help and give us some wonderful strategies to deal with this, afterwards I will phone our SW and his just to fill them in.

Oh, the joy’s of Adoptive Parenting.

Another busy Tuesday

Well after Munch went to bed so early and slept at midnight, he came in as happy as Larry saying that he was scared, I took him back to bed he got in and slept till 8am this morning. I had an interesting conversation about this with the Play Therapist this morning, she was saying how emotions are learnt and how he has not learn how to react appropriately to his emotions, i.e being happy when scared, inappropriate laughing just to name a couple.

Anyway up got Munch and our morning went without incident until the Play Therapist arrived, I could hear him being extremely aggressive with her, he was swearing, just being how he has with us over the last couple of weeks. As she said afterwards you cannot just wipe out 5 years of extreme trauma and abuse, and it is going to surface every now and again, that she would be more worried if it did not.

We talked about going back to the basic’s again, re doing all that we did in those 1st 10 week sessions, thing’s like snuggle time that have naturally petered out, back to using sucking as a calming technique, being very firm with our boundaries which is what Munch needs. The trouble is, and we have talked about this before is that when thing’s improve you tend to let down your guard, and you cannot give Munch an inch.

We also talked about his very low self-esteem, about how over the last couple of weeks he has been saying that he is an idiot and hitting himself, I told her how at one point I had just said to Munch that I wasn’t going there today, and that had calmed him a little, she said it was a good way to deal with it as to keep saying, no you’re not ect will just fuel him, and also to use our calming techniques.

Whilst the having his Play Therapy the post arrived along with all our court paper work as the fee has now gone up and the paper work we had received still had the old fee on it!!!! So back to the post office again, with paper work and a cheque for the correct fee this time.

Ok, so Munch has been in 10 minutes, he has already sworn, so had swearing is not allowed – step, for which I got a slap so he is now upstairs in his room where he has been sent for the next 15 minutes. When time was up Munch stayed upstairs playing.

We had tea then off for his 1st gymnastic’s session at school, when we got back from that Munch wanted to play his Xbox game he had been playing earlier, so off upstairs he went until Beavers. Tonight when we got to Beavers he really did not want to go in, he was pushing me and say he didn’t want to go, even when we got in there he was saying please can we go home, which is very unlike him, he always say’s he doesn’t want to go on Beaver’s night as he does with anything because he lack confidence, but normal there is no fuss and as soon as we get to the gate he is off playing with the others. He was fine when I picked him up and had enjoyed himself.

Back indoor’s the bedtime routine went well, I tried to put some fun into it and we had a laugh, then for a reason only known to Munch he put his woggle down the toilet, was extremely babyish around getting undressed and then threw a little hard ball at me which hit me on the neck and hurt, so he lost 1/2 hour off his bedtime tomorrow. A hug and kiss and he is now quiet upstairs.

Iffy Start, Positive Finish.

Well as we had gotten to a better place, I was only going to blog every now and again, but things seem to have taken a backwards step at the moment, I am not surprised. We had such a good period over Christmas, it had to come out at some point, and then we have also had our 1st anniversary as a family, recommenced play therapy, had a big SW visit with our review and put in our papers to court, so a lot of things have happened in the last 2 weeks.

This morning did not start well, after Munch was awake until almost 10pm last night, he came in to us at 5.30 this morning, I sent him back to bed, but he put his light on and I could hear him moving around, he kept calling out to ask if it was time to get up, we had that for 2 hours until we got up, then when it was time to get up Munch was to busy playing on his DS to come down for his breakfast, needless to say DS is now banned from the bedroom overnight.

When he did eventually come down Munch was full of attitude and  thought that he was being very clever answering back, he thought it was less funny when he was doing his 4th lot of time-out on the step!!!

Because of his behaviour we were late for school, the Headteacher and Deputy who happens to be the SENCO were at the door, so I had a quick word with them to say that over the last couple of weeks Munch had regressed a bit with his behaviour, I always keep them up to speed with what is happening a home and why, I in tun have asked them to tell us of anything in school. They then informed me that they have had a few issues with Munch in school over the last couple of weeks as well, why have we not been told, I came away really annoyed and even more annoyed with myself for not asking why we had not been told, anyway I will be having a word with Munch’s class teacher in the morning, so will have to not get there to early so Munch is further down the que and cannot hear what I am saying.

This evening went better, but only I think because Munch had lost an hour and a half off his bedtime time so he did no have so long to wind me up, and also I jumped on any of his stroppy or controlling behaviour before it had chance to develop.

We did his reading, he reads well but can mess around, I told him if he messed around he would have no TV after bath, that cured him!!! After reading, I asked him to do something, to be told don’t speak to me like that, to which I told him, I am the adult here and you are the child, and you are not allowed to speak to me like that – step. Whilst on the step, he very half heartedly kicked out at the dog, that got him sent up to his room.

When he came down, his whole mood had lightened and I tried hard to match it, we had a very pleasant tea together, when Munch got out of the bath we had a lovely time drying him, he still likes very much to be babied after his bath due to missing out on these experiences when he was a baby, the play therapist has said that it is very good to take him back and let him experience the things he missed out on, so that’s what we do.

He had his 1/2 TV then supper again this was great as he sat on my knee and we hugged and I sang him silly made up songs which made him laugh and this had a positive impact on our bedtime routine, he was being a bit silly through story so I stopped before things went back into a negative and so we could end the day on a positive note.

The High’s and Then Very Low Finish to the Weekend.

We had a lovely Saturday, we got up early and me and Munch had a lift off daddy up to Madame Tussaud’s, it was not somewhere I would have taken Munch but as we have Merlin Annual Passes had nothing to lose and he did enjoy it even though he didn’t know who the wax models were. He enjoyed the taxi ride and 4D film at the end. I always find rides are good for our attachment as well as Munch always wants you to hold him really tightly, I think this is because he has an valide reason for you to cuddle him.

Afterwards we went to the Science Museum and again he liked it here, we only saw a very small part of it as he was very interested in the Launch Pad area were it has lots of interactive things for children to do and also the area to do with Space, so I can see lots of visits to the Science Museum happening.

He was well-behaved all day and the few little bits of attitude we had were easily dealt with by saying that we would have to go home if they continued and he did not want to go home.

Sunday started off well, Munch used the computer for a short while, then watched a film, St Trinian’s of all film’s, but he was engrossed in it so I left him to it, then we went swimming.

His swimming is coming on a treat, he is very confident now and does not need his armbands at all, he is swimming a little on his own and I am sure with a few more visits before we go away he is going to just love the pool.

On the way home Munch’s attitude was that of a stroppy teenager again, so he was told that as soon as we got in he was to go on his step, he then though it was going to be a good idea and mimic me in a silly voice about the step, he didn’t think it was such a good idea when he was told that instead of 7 minutes on the step he had earned himself 30 minutes upstairs.

After his 30 minutes upstairs he watch Aliens vs. Monsters, we had dinner, then played Junior Monopoly, before his usual TV before bed. Daddy came home from work and Munch asked if rather than TV we could play a game of Monopoly again which we agreed to.

After supper was had and up to get ready for bed Munch went, all going very pleasantly. Munch went into he bathroom and hid behind the bathroom door, something he used to do all the time, but has not done for a long time. I went in put his toothpaste on his brush and called him, he came from behind the door and I was standing with my back to it and pushed me really hard making me stumble forward a little as I was not expecting it, now normally it would have been you cannot push people like that, it is not allowed – step, but as it was bedtime and I felt that he had been playing for time at supper, sending him to sit on the step would have been playing right into his hands, so I said that it was wrong and that tomorrow night he would come to bed at 7.30 instead of 8pm, He just flipped he started hitting and kicking and swearing, saying it had been an accident, I was in his way, I explained to him that all he had to do was say excuse me please and I would have moved, which made him rage more, I said that hitting and being aggressive was not allowed so knocked another 1/2 off his bedtime, he started hitting and saying unless I let him go to bed at 8.30pm he was no going to stop, by then I had got him in his bedroom, he was pulling my hair, hitting and kicking, kept repeating that if I didn’t let him stay up until 8.30 he was going to carry on, every time I tried to leave the room he had hold of my clothing or my hair and was screaming for me not to go, then he was biting. I just kept saying no he was going to bed at 7pm tomorrow as he could no expect go behave like this and stay up late, he had to take the consequences of his action’s. I picked him up and put him into his bed as he was refusing to get in, he had hold of my hair in both hands pulling so hard, where do they get teir strenght from when they are having these meltdowns!!!! Now this where I am not very proud of myself, but he was pulling so hard and I could not get him to let go, that I pulled his hair back, and the shock of it made him let go immediately, he said you are not allowed to hurt me, I just said but you were really hurting me and now you know what it feels like, I just said our usual goodnight blardy blar, and left the room, feeling horrible with what I had done.

I left it for 15 minutes and went upstairs on the pretence of going to the loo as Munch had been very quiet, and that has not been him just lately when in bed. As I was going upstairs, he asked is that you mummy in the sweetessed of voices as if nothing had happened, I went in he was playing his DS in bed, I apologies for pulling his hair, he asked if he could stay up till his normal time tomorrow, I stuck to my gun’s and said no, told him that he should not be playing his DS in bed and he was to finnish what he was doing and put it down, there was no calling out or anything afterwards, he jus finished and went off to sleep.

I hold my hands up and say I was completely at a loss as how to handle the situation, thank goodness for our Play Therapist, it shall be top of my agenda on Tuesday to get some help and guidance on how to deal with things when step is playing right into his hands.

So the weekend started on a high and ended up on a an extreme low 😦

29/12 – Granny Comes to Stay.

This morning Munch came into bed with me very excited because granny was coming to stay today. After coming down Munch was very lively and excited and could not wait for granny to get here. He was being very rude and in the way that he was speaking to us, and ended up on the step several times.

In the end I sent him to do his hour upstairs before he got into any more trouble, our hour upstairs to play has been very helpful this holiday and is something we will be sticking to from now on, and using on weekends as well.

After his hour upstairs it was lunch time, then we found a film to watch. Munch had just settled to watch the film when Granny arrived so the film went out of the window. Munch was very pleased to see his Granny and was all over her.

We had a cuppa with Granny, then me and daddy toke the opportunity of going out to get a couple of bits and also having a nice coffee and cake!!

We had a phone call from Munch asking us when we were coming home, but when we got home granny said that he had been fine, he had asked to ring so granny had put it off for a while, then let him, he had got a bit nervous at one point and insisted that she locked the doors otherwise he had been fine.

We had a late tea to so it was straight to bed, Munch wanted Granny and daddy to take him and I had to go up and give him his bedtime hug and kiss when they had finished.

Due to all the excitement of granny coming Munch wide awake in bed, and constantly calling down, I went up a couple of times, but he still carried on calling down, in the end I just ignored him, he carried on until I went to bed, good job I went up early as the awful cough I had for the last week or so was beginning to take its toll. I put my head round the door and said that I did this every night on my way to bed but normally he was asleep and I was unable to talk to him, and that I could say goodnight tonight been as he was awake, he thought this was great and I did not hear another peep out of him.