day before 2nd review

Well tomorrow is our 2nd review, we really hope they say that we can put in for our adoption order. I spoke to our SW today, we had already made a list of things with her on a previous visit, like we have had our letterbox contract through for us to sign and I am not to happy about having to include a photo, so we want to clarify that, our adoption allowance has now been sorted, this was not something that we asked for so we are thinking of it as a bonus, I am sure when I go back to work it will end as they will assess us as having too much money.

The one thing that I did say to our SW today is that I would like to bring up the subject of therapy for Munch as we feel that he would benefit from this, he was being assessed for it before he came to us but did not carry on as we had been found and they knew he would be moving.

Munch has been very good for the last few days, he helped daddy clean up the front after school yesterday and planted his pepper’s and tomato’s, today we went out after school to buy some storage box’s for his toys, he can be a handful when out and does need to be reigned in. We also have his stranger awareness to deal with as he has none, and will talk and charm anyone and everyone that he comes into contact with, I am sure this is how he has managed to get by previously, and we are working really hard on this one, shop assistant are the worst as soon as he see’s them or when we get to the till he turns on the charm, at the moment we are just saying before we get to the till, please do not talk to the people behind the till’s you do not know them, we are re enforcing this message when every we can, but at the moment do not seem to be getting anywhere with it but we will keep on.

Last thing for today, we have both signed up for a ‘parenting adopted children’ course with our VA at the end of next month which I am looking forward to, and today I started a ‘Speakeasy’ course which is aimed at making it easier for parent to talk about sexually related subjects with their children and in the correct way, I thought this would be handy in light of some the sexualized behaviour and talk that we have had over the weeks with Munch.

ticker’s

 

Up to the present

Well we are 13 weeks in now, 15 since our 1st meeting and what can I say, it seems hard to believe that we have only known our son such a short time, it really does seem like he has been here for ages.

 

He has settled into school well, he did his 1st week of 1/2 days and every day when we picked him up he wanted to know why he could not stay all day. From week 2 at school he did all day and has not looked back, it ahs not all been plane sailing and up to now we have been asked 3 times to stay behind to talk to his teacher, mainly because he has been constantly calling out, looking for reasurance more than anything and together we have worked this out, mainly by saying that I would ask the teacher every day if he had behaved himself and this seemed to work. We had a period where he was pushing and hitting the other children and again we delt with it in the same way by talking to him and talking to the teacher. The other time we were asked to talk to the teacher, hubby was picking him up so I was pleased to have missed that one.

 

Every evening on picking up Munch from school we will ask him what he has been doing and for the first few weeks his standaed answer was, to much work, not enough play!! We recentley had his school report which was very good. He was constantley telling us at home that he had no friends, that nobody liked him, then when we got his report it said how popular he was, and how he had made friends well with the other children.

 

We have also had one pep up till know and as Munch’s SW said, they only need to be done every 12 months and hopefully our Adoption Order will have been granted by then and he will no longer be a looked after child.

 

Munch goes to Beavers every Tuesday night and really enjoy’s this.

 

Family, he has met most family members now and everybody has really taken to him which is good. He loves his big cousin to death and is constantly talking about her. We took him ti hubby’s mum’s 1st, we always make sure that we take things for him to do there as she is very elderly, to be fair he is always polite and well behaved when we go there.

 

My mum was the next he met, we went and picked her up from the station, and he happily chatted away all the way home. My mum stayed for a week, we did see a regresion in his behaviour whilst she was here, it was funny because he went back to the very demanding, trying to take control child that we had had a few weeks previously, this was 4 weeks into placement, we had not realised how much this had lessened until it came back with a vengence. After a couple of days it lessened again and on the whole it was a good week.

 

I took Munch to stay at my mum’s a few weeks later, it took us 6 1/2 hours to get here because of traffic, but he was really well behaved, I have to say the DS and DVD player had a lot to do with that though. We had a very busy weekend, people visiting, my brother SIL and niece came to stay as well on the Saturday, he had already met them before hand. Then on the Sunday there was a tea party for one of my great aunts 90th Birthday. We left pretty late, and although I had got Munch ready for bed and hoped that he wouls sleep he only slept for a little while so by the time we got in and he had said hello to his daddy and had supper, because you just cannot go to bed with out supper we had a very tired little boy.

 

For the next few days his behaviour really went down, he was really testing the boundries and being very demanding, it was like he had the devil in him. We had a parent complain to the Beaver leader that Munch had touched their daughter inappropriatly, this was on top of sexualised behaviour that we had been witnessing and hearing at home, this had started during intro’s and had been a new one to everyone concerned, but given his backround and circumstances we are not suprised and believe at b present these are things that he has seen and is acting out. We tell him that it is inappropriate and is not for children, it has lessened over time but does occasional pop up. Anyway I spoke to him about it and he genuinly looked like he did not know what he had done wrong, and I do believe this as normally when we talk to him he always has some thing to say and an answer this time he did not. Munch did eventually calm down after a few awful days. We think he had been unsettled due to staying somewhere else, meeting so many new people and having late nights.

 

I have also taken him to stay at my dad’s for a few nights, again he got on great with my dad which was a good thing because on the last day we were there I was not very well at all and ended up spending most of the day in bed because I had a long drive home, so Munch spent most of the day with my dad. On returning home Munch was fine.

 

Our 1st review went very well, this was 4 weeks after placement, everyone was really pleased with how things were going. Our new SW is great, she’s not at all like our old SW who we miss very much, and still keep in touch with, but she works very hard on our behalf to make sure that we have everything that we need. As for Munch’s SW, he has visited 3 times in the 13, nearly 14 weeks that Munch has been here, and 1 of those visitswas for the review, so the less said the better.

 

It’s a strange place we are at at the moment, in some ways Munch’s behavour has improved so much, as I said before, it seems like he has been here for ever, and in other ways he is still like a stranger. It’s hard to know what is going round in his little head, what must he be thinking, god only knows. We met up with his FC’s almost 2 weeks ago and since then we have had a very angry little boy at times, it is as if they reminded him of what he has lost, for the first time in ages he got out his Life story book and looked at it this week. We have had 2 incidents where he has blown, has been really angry shouting right in your face, threatening to smash things up. After the second incident, he said I cant help it mummy, it really is heart breaking.

 

We have our 2nd review this week, we have our court paper’s sitting on the side in the kitchen, so we are hoping that they say hat we can put them in at the review this week. I shall try and up-date this more often.

Ist week

The 1st week was sureal, a lot of the time I felt like I was playing a roll. We kept it low key, the weather still was really awful so it was hard to get out and about and we did not want Munch to think that that was what life with us was all about.

 

On the Monday as it was going to be our 1st full day together with out FC’s, SW’s or anyone else, we asked everyone not to phone so that we could have a complete day to ourselves, as you can imagine every night during intro’s we were making lots of phone calls to people and people to us so we just wanted a quiete day.

 

On the Tuesday our SW was visiting in the evening, this would be the 1st time that she wouls meet Munch. She arrived 2 hours late which was even a record for her, then dropped the bomb shell on us that she was leaving and only had a couple of weeks left. She had know for a while but had not wanted to tell us until after intro’s, we were really sad as we really do like her.

 

The rest of the week passed well, Munch was finding his feet seeing what behaviours and what he could get away with, we stuck very much to the routine he had at the FC’s. We told him about his new school and drove by so that he could see it, he very much could not wait to start and always wanted to drive past, so that in the end even though we had agreed with the school to him having 2 weeks at home before starting, we ended up phoning and asking if he could start at the beginning of the next week, this agreed we took him to visit his school.

 

One incident that sticks out in my head was taking Munch to Kids Kingdom, a soft play area, he was busy playing and I was sitting in the cafe area having coffee when it suddenly dawned on me that I was sitting there like all the other mothers watching my son enjoying himself and started crying, I felt such an idiot, a few funny looks and are you ok’s, situation explained and home we came.

 

Munch’s SW visited at the end of the week and was very pleased with how things were going, so that was it really, a very sucsessful first week and very happy parents.

Last 2 days of Intro’s

Day – 13  Again Munch came into our room this morning, we had a bit of time all in bed together then got up and had breakfast. Munch is very good at mealtimes and has lovely table manners. After breakfast we got dressed and went into our local shopping centre so that we could get presents from Munch for his FC’s as we were all going out for dinner together later on. We got a bootle of scotch for the male carer and for the female carer we got a Merlin Cherish Teddy as she and Munch had special time on a Saturday night watching merlin on telly, if Munch had had his way, he would have got her a Gucci watch!!!!

 

We were going to have a drink in thr coffee shop afterwards, but munch became a bit of a handful so we decided to leave. We stopped on the way home and went to our local cafe and had a drink and sausage roll, which Munch really enjoyed. We came home and played for a little while before leaving to pick up the FC’s and driving to the restuarant. It was really weird as the FC told Munch that we were now his parents and we were the ones that it was up to us to what he was able to do, I felt really self concious infront of these 2 people who had parented our child for the last 15 months and found it difficult, but we did have a very nice meal, Munch was well behaved and only had to be told a couple of times to behave. The FC’s were really pleased with there gifts, we dropped them back at their hotel and headed home.

 

On the way home Munch decided to undo his set belt, we had been told of his habit of doing this to test people at the life appreciation day. Hubby was driving and immediatley stopped the car, Munch, I think realised that he had done wrong as soon as he did it and was desperatley trying to do it up again. We explained why his was not a good thing to do and went on our way, once the seat belt was done back up of course!!

 

Munch went to bed ready for his good-bye’s to the FC’s in the morning.

 

Day 14 – PLACEMENT DAY –  We did the same routine as previous mornings. At about 10 o’clock the FC’s came they had a cuppa gave Munch a lovely present and welcome to your new home card then said their good-byes and left.

 

Huurray we were on our own. We were now our own little family, we just really had an easy day. played abit of Wii, did a few things round the house and then went to the cinema to see Toy Story 2 in 3D.

 

We kept it really low key, did all the usual routines, what a fab day!!! 

Still Intro’s

Day 10 – This was the day we had most been looking forward to, the day that Munch 1st came to our house. Today he was coming with his FC’s they were all going to have something to eat stay for a little while then they would all go back to there hotel together.

 

They arrived around lunch time and came in, Munch was excited to be here but also a bit nervous of our 2 dogs, we have had put them out in the garden when we heard hem arrive, Munch sat on his FC’s lap when they first came in and we let the dogs in who were very interested to see who had arrived, they when up to Munch and were wagging there tails, we kept hold of them and encouraged him to touch and stroke them which he did. Eventually he got of FC’s knee and although wary of them on the whole was not to bad, he was very excited to look round his new home and in particular to look at his new room, we went up with the FC and he was very excited, he was pleased to see all his things in the new places and very ecited that he had a Ben 10 bedroom.

 

We all sat down and had dinner together which Munch ate well, then off he continued his exploring until it was time to go.

 

Day 11 – Today was going to be his 1st night with us, the FC’s brought him after breakfast. The weather was still really lousy so we really had a day indoors so that he could get used to his new home and the dogs, today he was much more confident with the dogs.

 

After lunch we all went to the park with the dogs, Munch could not understand why the dogs were not playing with them and had a bit of a paddy over it, so I told him to race Holly to the end of the fence, with encouragement we got Holly to run, but of course she was much faster than him and raced a head, which again set Munch into a Paddy, our 2nd dog is very oldand does not run so we were able to calm Munch down by getting him to race him and of course this one he won so was a bit happier.

 

Whist hubby walked around with the dogs once we got to the play area bit we cut a cross and had a go on the swings and climbing frames which kept Munch happier. It was then home for tea, we did the night time routine in our house for the !st time and put him to bed in his own bed. He was a bit restless at first and called down a few time, but eventually dropped off. I only looked in on him about 20 times before we went to bed!!!

 

Day 12 – We had told Munch the night before that when he woke up in the morning he could come and knock on our door. At about 7am we got the knock, knock, we told him to come in and get into bed with us, the look on his face, he had the biggest grin, his chest was pumped out with pride he run to the end of the bed and crawled up the middle to get in between us, that moment alone made the previous 2 years of the adoption process worth while, a moment we will treasure for ever. We stayed in bed for a while and allowed him to have  the Tv on before all getting up for breakfast, again we stayed indoors and played. We played on the Wii, did lego, watched tv ect before having lunch.

 

In the afternoon we took him to the hotel where his FC’s were staying so that he could have a few hours with them and he also had his tea with them before we fetched him home. This way he was able to talk to the FC’s and tell them of any worries that he had about being with us. The only thing that he came up with were the dogs, he was quite afraid of dogs before he came to us and as this was only his 3rd day with them this did not come as a suprise.

 

Home were we prepared him for his 2nd night with us, at the FC’s he was used to going to bed at 7pm, we decided to let him stay up till 7.30pm now he was with us, we were basically keeping the routine the same, but allowing him 1/2 tv after supper before bed, he was really pleased with this and went off to bed. Tonight he was a bit more settled.

Intro’s continued

Day 8 – Today we were going to the FC’s to get munch up and ready for school, we were taking him saying goodbye as after our midway review we would be heading home. The morning went very well, we dropped him off at school said goodbye and that e would ring him that evening.

 

We went back to the FC’s, were the review was taking place at 10 am. Our SW rang to say that she was ill and unable to make it, we were ok about it though as we were very confident ha we had had a great 1st week. Munch,s SW came, the FF, us and the FC were present. We discussed how we all though that the week had gone. Everyone was in agreement that it had gone really well, better than anyone expected it to. We were asked did we want to proceed, did we ever. We then discussed the following week’s intro’s which were to be at our home, the only change to the original plan that was made was that we brought forward the first sleep night at our house by 1 night as we all though that Munch was more than ready for it.

 

After the review we had a cuppa with the FC, then said our goodbye’s and left for home. we phoned Munch in he evening, the made the most of being able to go out so went for something to eat and a few drinks.

 

Day 9 – Day off today, seemed really strange not seeing Munch. Today we went and visited his new school and talked to the Head and deputy who also is the SENCO. We arranged for Munch to stay at home with us for the 1st 2 weeks after our official placement day, do 1 week morning’s only, then the last week of hthat half of the term full days. They were very nice and extremley understanding.

 

We collected the dogs from the kennels, and then spent the rest of he day putting all of Munch’s things that we had brought back with us the day before into his room so that it was all ready for when he arrived the next day.

Intr’s continued

Day 6 – Today we were having Munch for the day again on our own. Because f the weather everytime that we had taken him with us we had ended up back at the cottage, today we decided that despite the snow we would venture out into the local town. We had a walk around the town, went in a few shops were we found we had to be for our lives watching Munch as he was off at a hundred miles an hour, we had also learnt to check what either of us had said to him as we learnt to our cost that he was good at putting words into our mouths.

after walking around the shops for a for a while it was time to go for something to eat, whilst talking to the FC’s they had told us about a Macdonald’s with as we thought a play area attached, when we got there it was just a Macdonald’s,  he got very angry at this and kept, saying your liars, we explained that we had got it wrong, and when we got it wrong we would say sorry, but we kept saying that we would not lie to him. In the end we went to a pub that had a play area attached just across the road, this had been the play area that the FC’s had been talking about. We had our family feast meal, our first as a family, woo hoo.

After we went to the play area where Munch had a great time before ging back t the cottage. We watched tv for a while had tea, played for a bit before taking Munch back doing bedtime.

Day 7 – Again we picked Munch up and took him back to the cottage, we had the morning in playing, went outside to look at the animals. We then met the FC’s at a Brewsters for our lunch, Munch was so well-behaved here with the FC different from when we had taken him out the day before where he had been up and down all the time, we told him now that we knew he could behave like this, is what we expected from now on.

Afterwards we went t the play area where Munch played, he then went back home with the FC so that they could talk to him and find out how he was feeling as tomorrow we were having our midway review

intro’s continued

Day 3 – Today we were spending the afternoon with Munch at the FC’s. we arrived at about 12 o’clock, we spent all afternoon with him upstairs on our own, we played video games, watched some DVD’s, did jigsaws, played with his guitar and piano that he had had for christmas, we had tea again with him. Tonight i got him ready for bed and did his evening story. Then home to our cottage, another good day.

 

Day 4 – Today we were having him for the day, we got to FC’s house for breakfast, got him ready then took him out for the day. We started by calling in at the supermarket to pick up a few bits and pieces. He wanted to buy everything, and according to him his FC’s do!! We then went back to the cottage as the weather was so bad, Munch had packed abag of his toys to bring with him, we also had toys that we had brought with us. We had a lovely day playing, he spent a lot of time building his leg lorry that we had bought for him, we had lunch, then we all went out into the garden to play in the snow.  We had tea the took munch back to the FC’s, tonight we did the bathtime routine, got him ready and put him to bed.

 

Day 5 – Today Munch was going to school, we arrived at the FC’s ready for him to get up, we did the morning routine and then walked with him and FC to school. We then went back to the cottage and caught up on some sleep, I really had not felt to good at all through out the week and had developed a really nasty cough, which was keeping me awake a lot during the night and also I was coughing so much that it was making me sick.

 

Not long after we had got back to the cottage we recieved a phone call from Munch’s SW saying that BM had been in tuch and said that she wanted to meet us, as we had said that we were prepaired to do this during intro’s. We said that we would drive that day to meet her as long as we were back in time to pick Munch up from school. SW said that he would phone her and arrange it. We never heard anymore until just before we went to pick up Munch, SW phoned to say that he had been trying to get in touch with BM but she either was not answering her phone or it was turned off. Oh well, we were willing.

 

We picked Munch up from school at 3.30 and took him back to the cottage for tea. We played a little, Munch really liked the fact that we allowed him to play on the computer and had made him his own sign in page. We had tea, then took him back to the FC’s for bedtime routine. Again afterwards we sat talking for ages to the Fc’s.

 

To be continued…….

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