We Told Munch.

Well in the end we told Munch that our Adoption Order had been granted. In the few day’s afterward it was granted his behaviour was deteriorating and we felt it was because he knew something was going on, he was being very rude in the way he spoke to us, was trying to control everything and then after being rude over the weekend and being sent to do his time out on the step, he very calmly walked up to me pushed me really hard and pulled hard on my hair, so after talking with hubby we decided to tell him.

We sat him down and told him we had some very good news and that we had heard that the judge had now signed our adoption papers and we were now legally a family, we could not have hoped for a better response, Munch was so happy, he said ‘it’s the best day of my life, I have got my adoption papers’, then off he went to play in the garden, just as he was going out of the door though he said ‘actually when we go to Disney World Florida will be the best day of my life’, that’s my boy, gets his priority’s right!!!

Apart from that it has been an uneventful week, Munch was back to school on Tuesday, his last half term in infants before going to junior’s after the summer holiday’s. He is growing quicker than we can keep up with.

One last thing, we finally got an appointment with our local CAHM’s team, which is on Monday so not to long to wait, not to sure what to expect from this so we shall wait and see.

Another Milestone in Our Adoption Journey.

Well yesterday was another milestone in our adoption journey, our Adoption Order was granted. So 3 years and 4 months after starting our journey we are finally a fully fledged family.

In the end it was all a bit of an anti climax, we sat waiting for the phone called, in the end I phoned Munch’s SW to see what time he was due in court, only to be told he had been told not to attend, so I phoned the court myself and was told the order had been granted that morning, for all the noise BM had been making about contesting, she hadn’t even bothered to show up, so that’s it we are now legally the parents of the most wonderful boy in the word, our wonderful, lovely, funny son – OUR son!!!!!

We have not told Munch yet as we have our Celebration Hearing coming up in a few weeks and we have arranged a BBQ for the weekend after to celebrate with all our family and friends, and did not want to confuse him, so we will tell him nearer the date and use the date of our Celebration Hearing as our ‘official’ date.

Munch being the astute boy that he is though know’s something is afoot and has been acting accordingly over the last week, just pushing and generally being a pain in the backside, so we have had to be on top of his behaviour all the time to stop him from spiralling, it is very tiring though, but we know we have to do it for his sake.

We did go out and Celebrate even though Munch did not know we were celebrating, we went to  children’s Activity Zone and then out for a meal at a place of Munch’s choice.

So it’s a very happy and official mummy signing off tonight x

Another Proud Mummy Moment!!

It hit me a few days ago how things must be a lot calmer here, at one point I was posting a lot, now I tend to only post every now and again, and hopefully for more thing’s that are nice than the other way around.

Munch being Munch is always going to have his moments as all children do but it is nice to be able to post thing that I want to look back at and smile.

The week has been a typical week in the Munch household a few step moments for mainly speaking rudely, will we ever get rid of that behaviour!!!

On Saturday Munch had his 2nd Karate grading and did very well, he earned his yellow belt and got a trophy for being best red – yellow belt student, so a very pleased Munch and proud mummy and daddy went to celebrate at Macdonald’s, don’t say we don’t know how to live!!!

Back at home, Munch and daddy took the dog out for a walk, Munch rode his bike, he was still riding the bike that his cousin had given him the 1st time they met last year. We had asked him during he week that been as we will be going to court soon for our Adoption Order (we still haven’t told him exactly when), what would he like for an Adoption Present and he had asked for a new bike and a family game, bless him!! When they got back daddy was very concerned that the brakes that had been fixed a few times were again not working. So we decided to take him to our local bike shop and get his new bike, which we did and Munch peddled it home with daddy.

Yesterday was another day spent at the ice rink, I am seriously thinking of booking lessons for both me and him, him because he is actually quite good at it and me because I am not, and joining in is preferable to sitting and freezing watching him!!!!!

Until next time…….

Another Milestone.

Well I have another milestone to report we finally have received our court date’s, in just over 2 weeks Munch will legally be all our’s. Our letter stated that on the day of our Representation Hearing they will be granting the Adoption Order and hat we will take full parental responsibility from that day. We also received the date for our Celebration hearing which is just 4 weeks later in our local Family Courts.

I cannot believe how excited we are, we have already arranged a Celebration Party on the Saturday after our Celebration hearing and have been over whelmed by all the good wish’s we have received from family and friends.

We are not going to tell Munch about the Adoption order until just before the Celebration hearing as I am sure it will be such a big thing for him we are fully expecting to have some sort of back lash, but we will deal with that as and when.

Besides that we have been having a fairly good time of it lately, we have had our usual moments, of times when munch finds it difficult to let go of control and has tried his best to control things, we have had his usual attitude, but no major incidents.

School is at long last back to usual with all the bank holiday’s and things over, Munch has managed to keep his room tidy and is actually spending time on his own playing with out prompting.

As for the calling out at night we seem to have cracked it with allowing 2 call outs as most evening now he doesn’t call out at all, he always say’s before I leave his room that he has 2 call outs and wants to know that I will go up if he needs me to, but hat reassurance seems to be enough though, so evenings after he is in bed are actually nice and relaxing now.

As a back lash of the no calling down now, Munch is getting to sleep much early and is awake now in the mornings, the last few morning’s though he has been coming in and waking us up before getting up time, it’s wouldn’t be a big problem apart from the fact that daddy works evenings and some times does not come in until 4 0r 5 in the morning, so this is our next thing to tackle. This morning I have said that if I comes in tomorrow morning he will not get his 1/2 lights on in his bedroom after bedtime, it will be bed, story, lights off. So we will see how we get on for the next few days!!!

Another Milestone – Adoption Order Papers sent to Court.

Well what a week it has been in the Munch household.

It started on Monday getting the good news that Play therapy was recommencing the very next day, woo hoo.

Munch has been in a bit of a strange place all week, we had a review today and we don’t normally tell Munch hat his SW is here until we pick him up from school on the day his SW is visiting as it worries him and he will be awake all the night before with pain’s in his legs. As he was off school today we had to tell him earlier so that he knew what was happening, so all week we have had him trying to control,  he has also been in a very contrary mood.

Play Therapy went well and it was good to start again, the Play Therapist said that she noticed a difference in how polite Munch was being, whilst she was here our SW arrived. I had forgotten that we had arranged this visit before Christmas

One the Play Therapist had left myself and our SW got to work on the Disability Living Allowance forms for Munch, it’s when we were filling in these forms, which are long and tedious that it makes you realise how different Munch is from other children, I think that we have got so used to living with his anxieties and behaviours that it has become the norm for us, writing it all down on paper made me realise just how traumatized our poor little boy is.

After school we Munch had his yearly Looked After Child medical at the Doctor’s, and then we had the dentist after that it was home and getting ready for Beaver’s, so in all it was a very busy day on Tuesday.

Wednesday Munch was in fine form, he tried to be controlling, he tried to be very contrary and by bedtime, I was worn out with it all, step was used, he hit daddy in the face knocking his glasses flying, kicked the dog, hit out at me, so he was sent to his room for 1/2 hour. Later in bed, he was an absolute nightmare trying to get him to go to sleep, he just kept calling, wanting hugs, but not really hugging he was back to making a show of hugging but not waning to be close, arm across his body, face turned as far away as he could, yet would not let go and having to be prized off. Then he was hitting himself and saying I’m an idiot, you think I’m an idiot, I’m a f–king idiot, you done even like me, you say you love me but you don’t really you just lie, and he kept saying them over and over again and hitting himself, he just has such low self-esteem, I eventually got him to calm down and sleep, about an hour later I could hear him crying and when I went up he was standing on the landing saying what is it, get it away from me and waving his arms around like mad, I just said its ok come on back to bed and he went without a fuse.

Thursday was a better day, but if I am honest, I coped out a bit and because I knew he was going to be extremely anxious and not in a good place because of the impending SW visit he next day, I just let him use the computer all evening, bad mummy, until TV time before bed.

And then today, another milestone for us, 1 year since Munch actually moved in with us and we posted our Adoption Order papers off to the court today!!!!!!

Our review went very well, we had a new reviewing Officer who was fab, he wants it in writing that he feels that once our present 10 sessions of Play Therapy are over, that they should look in to whether the Play Therapist would visit us once every 8 weeks for at least the next year, just to give us on going support, he also wanted it down that everyone feels that direct contact with one of Munch’s paternal grandmothers is not in Munch’s best interest, and in fact is the complete opposite, we have always from the very 1st visit that we had with Munch’s SW and Family finder said that we were open to direct contact as long as it was in his best interest.

Munch never has mentioned this Grandmother, it was a court directive and the reviewing officer said that he feels it needs to be documented so that if the Grandmother decided at a later date to try to get contact through the courts that it would help us if we have documentation to say that it is not in his best interest.

Daddy had taken Munch out whilst the review was on, I then went and met them, together we all went to the Post Office to get our papers sent Special Delivery and afterwards went and had something to eat, home and daddy has gone for a few drinks and I am off to bed.

A Few Up and Down Days.

Well since our 1st Year Anniversary, or as Munch kept calling it, our Family Day, on Tuesday things have been a little up and down here. Munch has tried to be very controlling and a lot of the contrary behaviour he display’s sometimes has been back with vengeance the last few day’s. We are sure it is all to do with the time of year it is, and if we are honest it is not nearly as bad as it has been in the past, it’s just I think you get lulled into the sense of easiness and then something show’s up.

We are supposed to be recommencing Munch’s Play Therapy some time soon, but both myself and Munch’s SW have been phoning her and just constantly get her answer machine we have left messages but she has not returned them. When Munch’s SW emailed her she said she would be either starting today or on Tuesday, so who know’s, I think she is proberly still waiting to be paid by the LA!!! Still I am a little annoyed that she has not even bothered to answer the messages I have left especially as on her last visit she said you can always phone me.

We have our review next week, we are hoping it will be our last. Hopefully our Adoption Order will go through with out a hitch and we can then start all over again soon after for number 2. I have all ready been in touch with our 1st SW, buttering her up 😉

A Year Ago Today…..

Well a year ago today we met our wonderful gorgeous Munch for the very 1st time.

2 years and a couple of weeks from filling in a form online requesting information from our Agency Childlink on a night-shift at work our dreams were finally coming true.

Oh what a day that was, and what a rollercoaster of a year we have had.

There have been incredible high’s, and extremely bad low points, but the one thing for sure it is the best thing we have ever done, and we would not change our son for the world.

Looking back on the year, the 1st few months were the most surreal time ever. We played at being a family for a long time, Munch spent the 1st 12 weeks, doing and saying what he thought we wanted him to do, he tried to be very controlling, and it was like living with a stranger. He did thing’s that drove me potty, and even little things annoyed me that ordinarily would not.

I don’t think however much you prepare yourself, the reality of living with a child who has lived with severe trauma in their lives, especially when they do not see it as that as that has been the norm for them for so long is bloody hard work. Also, as much as you read and re-read their CPR’s, listen to everything all the professionals tell you, what their FC’s who know them best at the time they are moving on to you tell you, and you read forum’s on adoption by people who have been and are parenting traumatized children, there is always that small part of you that thinks it’s not going to be like that for you and your family.

12 weeks in we met with the FC’s, we were not able to do it sooner because of personal reason’s on the FC’s part, it was like a light when on in Munch’s head that this was it he was not going back, and things changed for the worst, we had terrible meltdowns that got longer and longer and more frequent, till they were lasting for hours and on a daily basis. I have been hit and kicked, had cloths ripped, been spat at, the language was very blue.

Afterwards he would be so ashamed of himself and would claw at his face, hit himself and call himself all sorts of names, it was horrible to see, and all this time we could not touch him, he would scream if we did, so we had non of the hugs and kisses that you dream of giving your children.

Munch and hubby clashed dreadfully and I felt like I could not leave them alone together, 3 times hubby walked out and said he was not coming back.

In July when Munch’s LA were expecting us to put in for our Adoption Order at our 3 review, we refused to do it, what we said was that we were 110% behind Munch, so were there fore sore it as our duty to him to fight to get him the help he needed.

In September, we started Play Therapy with a lady who worked for our local LA and has she been a godsend to us, she has changed our lives around, yes we have still had our problem’s, and when I child has had such a difficult start in life as our son had, we know we can never ever take away his past and that we can expect to have times which will be hard we are so thankful for what she has done for our family.

So into our 2nd year as a family we go and we could not be happier, I now love listening to Munch and daddy together, it has been a long hard slog, but I am so looking forward to our future together.

day before 2nd review

Well tomorrow is our 2nd review, we really hope they say that we can put in for our adoption order. I spoke to our SW today, we had already made a list of things with her on a previous visit, like we have had our letterbox contract through for us to sign and I am not to happy about having to include a photo, so we want to clarify that, our adoption allowance has now been sorted, this was not something that we asked for so we are thinking of it as a bonus, I am sure when I go back to work it will end as they will assess us as having too much money.
The one thing that I did say to our SW today is that I would like to bring up the subject of therapy for Munch as we feel that he would benefit from this, he was being assessed for it before he came to us but did not carry on as we had been found and they knew he would be moving.
Munch has been very good for the last few days, he helped daddy clean up the front after school yesterday and planted his pepper’s and tomato’s, today we went out after school to buy some storage box’s for his toys, he can be a handful when out and does need to be reigned in. We also have his stranger awareness to deal with as he has none, and will talk and charm anyone and everyone that he comes into contact with, I am sure this is how he has managed to get by previously, and we are working really hard on this one, shop assistant are the worst as soon as he see’s them or when we get to the till he turns on the charm, at the moment we are just saying before we get to the till, please do not talk to the people behind the till’s you do not know them, we are re enforcing this message when every we can, but at the moment do not seem to be getting anywhere with it but we will keep on.
Last thing for today, we have both signed up for a ‘parenting adopted children’ course with our VA at the end of next month which I am looking forward to, and today I started a ‘Speakeasy’ course which is aimed at making it easier for parent to talk about sexually related subjects with their children and in the correct way, I thought this would be handy in light of some the sexualized behaviour and talk that we have had over the weeks with Munch.